The New Joke Thread

[LakeSuperior]

I went to Home Depot and an employee walked up and asked, "Can I help you with anything?"

I said, "I'm looking to buy a table saw."

He said "Do you have a particular model in mind?"

I said, "Well yeah, Kathy Ireland, but for now let's talk about a table saw."

[LakeSuperior]

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

[socaldmax]

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

This was sent from a reliable source: Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men.
I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your male friends.
Here's how the scam works; Two very beautiful, college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible NOT to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride over to McDonald's. You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen February 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 28th. Also March 1st, 2nd, 8th, twice on the 9th &10th, and very likely again tomorrow and Wednesday so tell your friends to be careful.
What a horrible way to take advantage of older men. Warn your friends to be alert and vigilant. Note: Walmart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Tree and bought them out in three of their stores.
Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Walmart. That’s a side benefit. So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon).

I saw this. went to wallyworld and sure enough saw this good looking woman coming up to my car. she said Hi and I asked her if she wanted to go to Mc D's she said yes and got in I handed her my billfold and said to get undressed. She looked at me funny and I said it would save time. she said what is wrong with you "George" I said take what you want and get undressed. She said I didn't want anything I took all I wanted when we divorced . I looked closer and saw she was my ex wife. Maybe my hearing is going too I wondered why she called me "George"

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I didn't have a quote for this just like seeing the picture.

[GILow]

Originally Posted by smbdyiam2

I didn't have a quote for this just like seeing the picture.

I know what you mean... that’s really lovely tranquil water there.

[AKA-None]

Originally Posted by GILow

I know what you mean... that’s really lovely tranquil water there.

No wind poor sailing

[GILow]

Originally Posted by AKA-None

No wind poor sailing

Hmmm... good point.

[Jamme]

Originally Posted by AKA-None

No wind poor sailing

Draft may be an issue too.

[chrisr]

Originally Posted by GILow

Hmmm... good point.

i think you'll find there's actually two of them (good points that is)...

cheers,

[StuM]

Originally Posted by Jamme

Draft may be an issue too.

Not for a cat.


Here, pussy, pussy....

[socaldmax]

When I look at her, I think of motorboating.

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by GILow

I know what you mean... that’s really lovely tranquil water there.

I was thinking Art. Art =artemis = bear = Bare.
Mind drifts more than my boat.

[GILow]

Originally Posted by smbdyiam2

I was thinking Art. Art =artemis = bear = Bare.
Mind drifts more than my boat.

That’s some pretty damn erudite drift there.

[smbdyiam2]

I didn't mean to be Rude. It is just those 4 letter words. I have problems with them Like snow, rain, wind, hail, work, cold, work, more work, stop, then up popped bear, and bare. sorry. Mind was wondering again. Hope it comes back soon. I'm hungry, food oh no there it goes again .
Erudite | Definition of Erudite by Merriam-Webster
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/erudite

Did You Know?
Erudite derives via Middle English "erudite" from Latin eruditus, the past participle of the verb erudire, meaning "to instruct." A closer look at that verb shows that it is formed by combining the prefix e-, meaning "missing" or "absent," with the adjective "rudis," which means "rude" or "ignorant" and is also the source of our word rude. We typically use the word rude to mean "discourteous" or "uncouth" but it can also mean "lacking refinement" or "uncivilized"; someone who is erudite, therefore, has been transformed from a roughened or uninformed state to a polished and knowledgeable one through a devotion to learning.
I think it comes from this title of new joke thread.