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-   -   The New Joke Thread (https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f80/the-new-joke-thread-145284.html)

Buzzman 27-04-2015 19:30

The New Joke Thread
 
Apparently, the previous joke thread was getting too long, so it has been closed.

In the interests of humour everywhere, it begins all over again, here:

The acronyms of "Wife" and "Husband":

His view:

Washing
Ironing
F***ing
Etc….

Handy
Useful
Sensible
Brave
Altruistic
Noble
Dashing

Her view:

World-weary
Intelligent
Female
Educator

Hopelessly
Unworthy
Stupid
Bastard;
Abilities
Debatable

jongleur 27-04-2015 21:32

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
Where's the "n"?

Buzzman 27-04-2015 21:42

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
Women can't spell.....

Buzzman 27-04-2015 21:44

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
OH, alright....

Nebulous

Buzzman 27-04-2015 21:57

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
Why is walking into a bar like eating furniture..???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
It's hard to avoid passing a stool......

socaldmax 28-04-2015 09:38

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
https://tpc.pc2.netdna-cdn.com/images...bama_Order.jpg


I think I'm starting to get the hang of this Political Correctness crap!

Buzzman 28-04-2015 16:44

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
Yeah, sorry, my bad, I lef the 'N' out by mistake.

Really I only included the 'husband' section so as to refute any PC claims for only including the 'W.I.F.E" acronym, as this is the only one I've always known....

But I'm sure SWL or another of our female bucketeers can come up with additional versions of the former.

The 'original' joke, as told in numerous bars and locker rooms over the years, is:

"What does WIFE stand for...?"

I've never actually heard anyone use the 'what does 'HUSBAND' stand for....

Maybe I dont get out enough....????

:biggrin: https://www.cruisersforum.com/images/.../whistling.gif https://www.cruisersforum.com/images/smilies/flowers.gif

svmariane 28-04-2015 17:25

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
A research group on sea mammals captured a rather odd porpoise on one of its trips.

Its peculiarity was that it had feet. After they had photographed and measured the poor thing, they prepared to set it free.

"Wait a minute," said one of the researchers, "Wouldn't it be a kindness if our ship's doctor here were to amputate the feet so that it would be like other porpoises?" "Not on your life," exclaimed the doctor,


"That would be defeeting the porpoise."



:facepalm:

svmariane 28-04-2015 18:14

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
I'm tired. Really tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much partying, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million.

104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

And you're sitting there reading jokes. :nonono:

svmariane 28-04-2015 18:17

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
Jane walked into a pharmacy, strolled over to the counter, and caught the pharmacist's attention.

"Can I please get some arsenic?" she asked.

"Arsenic? What do you want arsenic for?" asked the pharmacist.

"It's for my husband," she replied.

"Your husband?" exclaimed the pharmacist, "I hope you don't mean what I think you mean!"

She just nodded.

"Well, lady," he replied, "I'm an honest man. I can't sell you arsenic, I wouldn't if I could, and I don't know what made you think you could just stroll into a respectable store and expect me me to sell you arsenic.!"

She didn't say a word. She just reached into her purse, fished out a photograph, and handed it across the counter. It was a picture of her husband, in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

Slowly the pharmacist looks up, over the counter, and then straight at her. "Lady," he said, "why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"

Dsanduril 28-04-2015 18:22

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
Well, as long as we're posting things that are going to get us in trouble with the better half of this board:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J19gC_5vHrg

svmariane 28-04-2015 18:28

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
My wife left me a note saying I should try out for "American Idle."

But the joke is on her because she spelled it wr--- hey, wait a minute!
:fight:

svmariane 28-04-2015 18:41

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
A guy phones a law office and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer."

The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week."

The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting annoyed and replies, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"


The guy responds, "Because I just love hearing it."

SVArgo 28-04-2015 21:06

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
Two old friends are sitting at a bar having a few beers. One friend looks down the end of the bar and laughs. He nudges his buddy and says, "see those two crusty old drunk bastards? That's us in 20 years!" His friend replies, "that's a mirror, moron."

Sent from my LG-E980 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

Gadagirl 28-04-2015 21:17

Re: The New Joke Thread
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by jongleur (Post 1811882)
Where's the "n"?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buzzman (Post 1811885)
Women can't spell.....

Or perhaps "N" represents Neanderthal :biggrin:


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