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Old 28-05-2020, 01:13   #10636
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Sadly true, but I suspect the yield is more down to optimising every aspect of the cultivation - from genetic sttrains to fertiliser, water, and mechanised harvesting.

Now, if we could just 'capture' some of the excess storm-water run-off along the east coast, and somehow store it and redirct it back over the Divide and into the west-flowing rivers, maybe we could once again grow rice and solve the whole Murray-Darling issue?

How about Snowy 3.0...??? Or name it after whatever rivers we select for reservoir and storage systems....

I nominate the Colo, the Macdonald, the Hunter, the Gloucester, the Manning, the Hastings, the Macleay (my local), the Nambucca, the Kalang, the Bellinger, the Clarence and so on up the coast.

One dam per river, five years on each, solve the unemployment issue as well, and the hydro power developed would lower our GGE as well.

Probably $5 billion per dam. So an investment of less than $100 million to secure water, farming, employment, Murray Darling, Ramsar wetlands, inland communities, downstream towns and cities (hello Adelaide), ream out the Murray delta and revitalise the Coorong......etc etc etc.

Frankly, it's a no-brainer.
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Old 28-05-2020, 04:35   #10637
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Probably $5 billion per dam. So an investment of less than $100 million
Hmmmmmm.


AT least one of those numbers is not correct
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Old 28-05-2020, 04:49   #10638
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Been practicing some new jokes because I started doing stand up comedy.
I stand up on my balcony and run through the routine out loud.
Over and over again, working on my timing.
The squirrels don't seem to mind.

But the neighbors keep threatening to call the cops.
****

Seriously, I can't believe this weather we've been having lately.
Probably because I'm an atheist and we have trouble with believing.

That's not bad as a friend of ours - he's agnostic.
He doesn't know whether or not to believe the weather or not.
****

Been having trouble sleeping at night lately.
Lots of worries, lots of stress.
Thinking about going on holiday this July.
Probably Northern Norway.
Seven days... One night.
****

Watching this historical thingy on youtube about California.
How maybe 170 years ago there weren't many people in the area.
Then this one guy found this one piece of gold.
Then lots of other guys came out looking for gold.
Then lots of women came out - the kind of women
who follow men who follow money.

So first the gold diggers came out, then the gold diggers came out.
****

Political correctness has gone too far.
You can't even order a Black Russian in the bar.
You have to order a "Former Soviet Republic of African Descent".
****

Back in the day I was on a cross-country road trip.
Was heading through southern Utah.
Come nightfall I stopped at this little hotel.
Nothing fancy.

Just a Mom and Pop and Mom and Mom and Mom place.

That's why they call the religon Mormoms. True.
****

With this covid thingy there's lots of Chinese conspiracy theories popping up or being exposed. Like global warming. Think about it! Summers get hotter then what do you do? Buy an air conditioner, right? And who makes all those air conditioners? China! Duh.

But before that it was gluton. Don't eat too much wheat because it'll cause health problems. Eat more rice - it's better for you.

And the world's biggest producer of rice? China. Duh.
****

Twenty percent of the world's population is Chinese. So look to your left, look to your right, look in front of you, look behind - and if none of those four people are Chinese then you should probably be working at a Chinese restaurant.
****

They say that 2 out of 3 people are morbidly obese.
So look to your left, then look to your right

And if it's the same person then run. Get out of the feeding zone.
****

So I'm staying inside due to this covid thingy. Got my head stuck in front of a stupid rectangle with an endless parade of changing characters as it slowly turns my brain into mush.

Stupid books.

Can books talk to you and show you moving pictures? Of course not.
Save a tree - watch TV.
****

Somebody asked "If your house was on fire and you could only remove one thing, what would it be? Now there are no right or wrong answers to that question so just be honest."

I thought about it for a minute - then said
"Well. I'd probably remove the fire."
****


One final thought. Immigration is a problem, some American politicians say. Well right there in Washington DC they have two Panda bears. Immigrants! Taking jobs away from American animals at the American National Zoo!

And oh, yeah... Recently those Pandas have begun having sex. Ten years they've been there without having sex but now all of a sudden it's sex, sex, sex. Day and night. They probably heard about the new crackdown on immigration and are trying for an anchor baby.

And where do Panda bears come from? That's right: China. Duh.
****



Let's see: Religion, race, misogyny, PC complaint, fat-shaming, ageism -
guess that'll do for now. I'm out o'here.


Keep your day job 🤣
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Old 28-05-2020, 07:39   #10639
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Hmmmmmm.


AT least one of those numbers is not correct

That's an illustration of political math.

They do that here too.
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Old 28-05-2020, 07:41   #10640
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Old 28-05-2020, 08:13   #10641
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Keep your day job ��
Okay! By the way - my day job is "retired".

C'mon, you don't think the Panda joke was funny? A little bit? Anchor baby? What with the US crackdown not only on illegal immigrants but also LEGAL immigrants? No?

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Old 28-05-2020, 08:23   #10642
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Re: The New Joke Thread

How we know summer has arrived in Florida:


( left it in my car yesterday)
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Old 28-05-2020, 08:45   #10643
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Since we've had yet another discussion on using the correct units when talking about electrickery (including Joules being thrown into the mix), I just had to posts today's XKCD!


Stu,

I'm sure you've heard of he constipated mathematician?

He worked out the problem with his pencil..................
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Old 28-05-2020, 09:36   #10644
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I want a refund!

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Old 28-05-2020, 17:47   #10645
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Re: The New Joke Thread




and you thought she was never going to pull her sweater all the way up...
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Old 28-05-2020, 18:15   #10646
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 28-05-2020, 18:21   #10647
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Old 28-05-2020, 18:25   #10648
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Now the StuM and Jim have outed themselves as tragic physics nerds, does anyone else want to join them?


Me myself and I.
What’s nu?
C/lambda
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Old 28-05-2020, 18:36   #10649
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Hmmmmmm.


AT least one of those numbers is not correct

Not at all! I simply extrapolated the cost of dams on NSW rivers and 'guess-timated' a doubling from $50-odd billion to $100 billion to cover a similar qty of dams on QLD east-flowing rivers. Just couldn't be arsed looking them up...

I mean, it's play money, right....????
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Old 28-05-2020, 18:46   #10650
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Not at all! I simply extrapolated the cost of dams on NSW rivers and 'guess-timated' a doubling from $50-odd billion to $100 billion to cover a similar qty of dams on QLD east-flowing rivers. Just couldn't be arsed looking them up...

I mean, it's play money, right....????
i think stum was just picking on your typo

Quote:
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Probably $5 billion per dam. So an investment of less than $100 million

personally i've been a fan of this scheme for years...but far too sensible for our pollies these days

anyway : back to the jokes !

cheers,
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