Been practicing some new jokes because I started doing stand up comedy.
I stand up on my balcony and run through the routine out loud.
Over and over again, working on my timing.
The squirrels don't seem to mind.
But the neighbors keep threatening to call the cops.
Seriously, I can't believe this weather
we've been having lately.
Probably because I'm an atheist and we have trouble with believing.
That's not bad as a friend of ours - he's agnostic.
He doesn't know whether or not to believe the weather
Been having trouble sleeping at night lately.
Lots of worries, lots of stress.
Thinking about going on holiday this July.
Probably Northern Norway
Seven days... One night.
Watching this historical thingy on youtube about California
How maybe 170 years ago there weren't many people in the area.
Then this one guy found this one piece of gold.
Then lots of other guys came out looking for gold.
Then lots of women
came out - the kind of women
who follow men
who follow money
So first the gold diggers came out, then the gold diggers came out.
Political correctness has gone too far.
You can't even order a Black Russian in the bar.
You have to order a "Former Soviet Republic of African Descent".
Back in the day I was on a cross-country road trip.
Was heading through southern Utah.
Come nightfall I stopped at this little hotel
Just a Mom and Pop and Mom and Mom and Mom place.
That's why they call the religon Mormoms. True.
With this covid thingy there's lots of Chinese conspiracy theories popping up or being exposed. Like global warming. Think about it! Summers get hotter then what do you do? Buy an air conditioner, right? And who makes all those air conditioners? China! Duh.
But before that it was gluton. Don't eat too much wheat because it'll cause health
problems. Eat more rice - it's better for you.
And the world's biggest producer of rice? China
Twenty percent of the world's population is Chinese. So look to your left, look to your right, look in front of you, look behind - and if none of those four people are Chinese then you should probably be working at a Chinese restaurant.
They say that 2 out of 3 people are morbidly obese.
So look to your left, then look to your right
And if it's the same person then run. Get out of the feeding zone.
So I'm staying inside due to this covid thingy. Got my head
stuck in front of a stupid rectangle with an endless parade of changing characters as it slowly turns my brain into mush.
talk to you and show you moving pictures? Of course not.
Save a tree - watch TV.
Somebody asked "If your house was on fire and you could only remove one thing, what would it be? Now there are no right or wrong answers to that question so just be honest."
I thought about it for a minute - then said
"Well. I'd probably remove the fire."
One final thought. Immigration is a problem, some American politicians say. Well right there in Washington DC
they have two Panda bears. Immigrants! Taking jobs away from American animals
at the American National Zoo!
And oh, yeah... Recently those Pandas have begun having sex. Ten years they've been there without having sex but now all of a sudden it's sex, sex, sex. Day and night. They probably heard about the new crackdown on immigration and are trying for an anchor
And where do Panda bears come from? That's right: China
Let's see: Religion, race
, misogyny, PC complaint, fat-shaming, ageism -
guess that'll do for now. I'm out o'here.