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Old 03-06-2020, 18:20   #10786
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by jeepbluetj View Post
"I swear, as God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly...."

(somebody's gonna get that....)
I think several did.
You know that really happened don’t you?

Oh the humanity
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Old 03-06-2020, 18:21   #10787
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by jeepbluetj View Post
"I swear, as God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly...."

(somebody's gonna get that....)


Wkrp in Cincinnati, les Nesbit
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Old 03-06-2020, 18:42   #10788
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Actually WQXI in Atlanta was the inspiration for WKRP, and the turkey’s were thrown from a truck in Dallas, by the QXI GM prior.
https://www.ajc.com/blog/radiotvtalk...QrPNYHiNkEZhL/

Wild turkeys can fly, and fly very well, but not domesticated ones.

YouTube of the show
https://youtu.be/BGFtV6-ALoQ
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Old 03-06-2020, 19:59   #10789
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Did you hear that Donald Trump has caught COVID 19. The treating physicians are confused and amazed...they thought the virus attacked lungs, not arseholes!!!
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Old 03-06-2020, 20:04   #10790
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Of Course Donald has stockpiled a large amount of ice-cream, canned fruit, whipped cream and raspberry syrup.
Ivanka says he must be planning to self isolate for a month of Sundaes
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Old 03-06-2020, 20:36   #10791
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Cat36Mahalo View Post
Lucas is only a Prince. Magneti Marelli should be crowned king. I went from Lucas on TR3’s. Then owned two Alfa’s a 56 & 58 spiders. One was Lucas the other MM - Lucas was far better
I had a 56 Alpha Spider which I used in SCCA racing; G Production I believe it was. Those were interesting to work on, but some of the Italian cars (FIATs specifically for me) from the 70s were really special.

During the 70s they had a lot of labour problems, so you never knew if the wiring diagram was representative of what was in the car. You might start out looking for a white and red wire, but end up discovering that the strike meant there was not white and red wire, so they used green, or whatever they had!

The below jokes are for those 70's Italian cars! Sadly, I still love them. (I know, I need help. I love old VWs and Porsche's too. And old British cars. Maybe that's why I have three bikes?!)

Why don't Fiat drivers greet each other in the afternoon?
Because they met each other in the morning at the dealers garage.


What occupies the last six pages of the Fiat owner's manual?
The bus and train timetables.


What's the difference between a Fiat and a Jehovah's Witness?
You can close the door on a Jehovah's Witness.


Have you seen the latest Fiat anti-theft device?
They enlarged the logo.
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Old 03-06-2020, 21:19   #10792
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY View Post
I had a 56 Alpha Spider which I used in SCCA racing; G Production I believe it was. Those were interesting to work on, but some of the Italian cars (FIATs specifically for me) from the 70s were really special.

During the 70s they had a lot of labour problems, so you never knew if the wiring diagram was representative of what was in the car. You might start out looking for a white and red wire, but end up discovering that the strike meant there was not white and red wire, so they used green, or whatever they had!

The below jokes are for those 70's Italian cars! Sadly, I still love them. (I know, I need help. I love old VWs and Porsche's too. And old British cars. Maybe that's why I have three bikes?!)

Why don't Fiat drivers greet each other in the afternoon?
Because they met each other in the morning at the dealers garage.


What occupies the last six pages of the Fiat owner's manual?
The bus and train timetables.


What's the difference between a Fiat and a Jehovah's Witness?
You can close the door on a Jehovah's Witness.


Have you seen the latest Fiat anti-theft device?
They enlarged the logo.
an oldie but still my favourite FIAT = Fix It Again Tony

cheers,
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Old 03-06-2020, 21:30   #10793
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Ahh, Yes, the Italian Lucas...

I had and loved a 59 Alfa Sprint Veloce, a lovely car to drive... when it felt like starting. But having the battery in the trunk (boot for some of you), as far from the starter as was possible to get, and using the frame as the ground return... well, even in the relatively warm winters in Livermore (northern CA) it often was reluctant to turn over.

A fun car, but I learned to hate mr Marelli and his minions.

Jim
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Old 03-06-2020, 21:31   #10794
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Sorry
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Old 03-06-2020, 22:16   #10795
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The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Jim Cate View Post
Ahh, Yes, the Italian Lucas...

I had and loved a 59 Alfa Sprint Veloce, a lovely car to drive... when it felt like starting. But having the battery in the trunk (boot for some of you), as far from the starter as was possible to get, and using the frame as the ground return... well, even in the relatively warm winters in Livermore (northern CA) it often was reluctant to turn over.

A fun car, but I learned to hate mr Marelli and his minions.

Jim


And Iím reading this as a guy who spent his childhood mornings push-starting the familyís 6 volt Combi Van.
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Old 03-06-2020, 23:39   #10796
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Cate View Post
Ahh, Yes, the Italian Lucas...

I had and loved a 59 Alfa Sprint Veloce, a lovely car to drive... when it felt like starting. But having the battery in the trunk (boot for some of you), as far from the starter as was possible to get, and using the frame as the ground return... well, even in the relatively warm winters in Livermore (northern CA) it often was reluctant to turn over.

A fun car, but I learned to hate mr Marelli and his minions.

Jim
I've owned a bunch of European sports cars , UK, German, Italian from the 50-60's era.

But my favourites was a 1962 sedan called the Humber Super Snipe
(or poor man's Rolls)

Came to the conclusion that l preferred comfort over speed

https://youtu.be/pEkUdzItQkw
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Old 04-06-2020, 00:21   #10797
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Is this Racist? Sexist? or just too funny to resist?Click image for larger version

Name:	IMG-20200604-WA0000.jpeg
Views:	247
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ID:	216567
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Old 04-06-2020, 00:58   #10798
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Re: The New Joke Thread

According to what my mom told me as a kid, my dad also loved British sports cars when they were dating in the late 50s. He also liked to race autocross (gymkhana?) and spent his money frivolously, so she took over his finances, which is how she managed to save up enough money for him to get that car.

They got married in Yokosuka and around the summer of '59, he came home all excited and told her he'd put a $500 deposit down on a MB 190SL and it would arrive in about 9 months, at which time the $4,500 balance was due. She flipped out because that was a lot of money, especially for a CPO in the Navy who only made $500/mo. He countered that because of her thriftiness, they already had the $4,500 saved up in the bank.

She countered with her own good news - she was pregnant! Where were they going to put the baby in a 2 seater? His reply - there's a sideways seat in the back, more like a package tray, actually. A couple of months later, his parents wrote that they were behind on property taxes and needed $4,500 or they'd lose the ranch. She told him, "That's fine - it's not a ranch, it's a dilapidated old house with a bunch of junk in the backyard!"

He mailed them a check anyway and she went nuts! She made him sell his car (Jensen Healey? something like that) , reduced his beer and cigarette allowance, made him ride a bike to work, they moved out of their apartment and in with her girl friend who didn't charge them rent. She worked at the Officer's Club on base and worked longer shifts, brought home all of their meals from work, flirted a little for better tips and sold the discarded, opened but refilled Log Cabin syrup cans to friends for $5 ea. By the time the car arrived in March of 1960, not only did they have the money saved up to take delivery, I also arrived.

Dad died in Vietnam in Feb. 1965 and mom kept the car, his flight jacket and a few pictures of him. I remember falling asleep in the package tray and waking up in Santa Monica, or visiting dad's folks in San Pedro, or in AZ as we explored the southwest US in that car.

I grew up washing and waxing that car with Johnson's paste wax and my mom often referred to it as my brother. When I was 11 or 12, I spent a few weeks under it, painting the entire undercarriage with undercoating. When I was 15, I started sitting in it, practicing how to shift gears. I practiced in it, with mom screaming in my ear. LOL
I took off the top and took my driving test in it at 15-1/2 and got a very good score, with the driving tester shaking his head and grinning the whole time.

In 1991, the hot car was the Mazda Miata and mom just had to have one. I managed to find her a brand new one about $10k below the usual markup and she drove that thing like she stole it. In 1997, she also wanted a Camry as her 2nd car so she finally gave me "my brother" to make room in her garage.

It's sitting in my garage now, protected by a car cover and two layers of thick quilts in case anything falls. It hasn't been driven since 1991 when the Miata replaced it as her sports car, but it still has the protective plastic on the door panels from when it was delivered. Considering that it never once broke down or left us stranded, Bosch did a pretty good job on the electrical system!
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Old 04-06-2020, 01:09   #10799
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Is this Racist? Sexist? or just too funny to resist?Attachment 216567
Too funny!
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Old 04-06-2020, 01:11   #10800
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Is this Racist? Sexist? or just too funny to resist?Attachment 216567
All three!!!
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