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Old 29-05-2020, 20:27   #10666
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Re: The New Joke Thread

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Congress came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Congress
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Congress lined up waiting for a free hair cut And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
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Old 29-05-2020, 20:55   #10667
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 29-05-2020, 21:11   #10668
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
The theory held by kid #1 and the parents was that it was the high doses of coffee.

Well, it might explain a few of the I.T. guys Ive worked with.
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Old 30-05-2020, 00:43   #10669
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Been practicing some new jokes because I started doing stand up comedy.




Watching this historical thingy on youtube about California.
How maybe 170 years ago there weren't many people in the area.
Then this one guy found this one piece of gold.
Then lots of other guys came out looking for gold.
Then lots of women came out - the kind of women
who follow men who follow money.

So first the gold diggers came out, then the gold diggers came out.
****

Political correctness has gone too far.

And after Political Correctness some of the gold diggers came out.
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Old 30-05-2020, 06:31   #10670
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Congress came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Congress
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Congress lined up waiting for a free hair cut And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
Now I can't wait to vote.

Things to do make a list.

Remember to vote.
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Old 30-05-2020, 06:32   #10671
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Please don't anthropomorphize animals...

They hate that.
Ok!

https://www.facebook.com/599727211/p...sn=mo&d=n&vh=e
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Old 30-05-2020, 12:41   #10672
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Two Czechoslovakian friends were visiting the zoo. One leaned over the edge of the polar bear pit and fell in. He was quickly gobbled up.

The zoo keeper came over mortified and asked the crowd what happened. One man spoke up and said the male polar bear swallowed him whole.

Immediately the zoo keeper took a knife and cut the male polar bear open only to find him empty. He then quickly turned to the female polar bear and did the same this time saving the mans life.

What lesson did the zoo keeper learn?

Never believe them when they say the Czech is in the male.
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Old 30-05-2020, 13:58   #10673
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Re: The New Joke Thread

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Uncle, UNCLE!!!!!
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Old 30-05-2020, 17:09   #10674
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Re: The New Joke Thread

So, first he checked it out, then he outed the Czech.

Good move!

Jim
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Old 30-05-2020, 19:36   #10675
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post



This Content Isn't Available Right Now
When this happens, it's usually because the owner only shared it with a small group of people, changed who can see it or it's been deleted.
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Old 30-05-2020, 20:16   #10676
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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This Content Isn't Available Right Now
When this happens, it's usually because the owner only shared it with a small group of people, changed who can see it or it's been deleted.
https://www.facebook.com/10582363777...3581682663237/
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Old 30-05-2020, 20:33   #10677
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 31-05-2020, 01:59   #10678
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Ok, some folks didn't get National Leftovers Week.
But the Star Trek one was funny.
Following an obtuse path...
Click image for larger version

Name:	lenin.jpg
Views:	191
Size:	433.8 KB
ID:	216260
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Old 31-05-2020, 02:08   #10679
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by goguygo View Post
Ok, some folks didn't get National Leftovers Week.
But the Star Trek one was funny.
Following an obtuse path...
Attachment 216260
??? Yep, obtuse...

Jim
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Old 31-05-2020, 02:16   #10680
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Re: The New Joke Thread

From now on, I'll ask myself... WWJC do?
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