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Old 28-05-2020, 19:39   #10651
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Okay! By the way - my day job is "retired".

C'mon, you don't think the Panda joke was funny? A little bit? Anchor baby? What with the US crackdown not only on illegal immigrants but also LEGAL immigrants? No?



I love your jokes, but I am afraid for a wide audience to react so you get invited again; I am afraid that type of humor maybe outdated.
Last comedian I remember that could pull this off was Steven Wright back in the late 70s and early 80s. Not sure if you know him but he had this type of humor
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Old 29-05-2020, 03:23   #10652
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Stu,

I'm sure you've heard of he constipated mathematician?

He worked out the problem with his pencil..................
That was the first joke I ever heard as a wee scotish lad in a place called
Lesmahagow.. Thanks!
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Old 29-05-2020, 04:29   #10653
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Please don't anthropomorphize animals...

They hate that.
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Old 29-05-2020, 04:29   #10654
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The man who kidnapped me was named Dave Green.

But everyone keeps calling him Mike Aptor.
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Old 29-05-2020, 04:30   #10655
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I'm like a walking encyclopedia....

I'm old, know it all, and nobody wants me.
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Old 29-05-2020, 06:52   #10656
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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The man who kidnapped me was named Dave Green.

But everyone keeps calling him Mike Aptor.

Shirley, everyone (except you) would call him York Aptor?
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Old 29-05-2020, 07:21   #10657
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 29-05-2020, 07:52   #10658
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Old 29-05-2020, 09:06   #10659
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Shirley, everyone (except you) would call him York Aptor?
Shirley?

Surely, thou doest mean surely?
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Old 29-05-2020, 09:17   #10660
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Re: The New Joke Thread

...and don't call me Shirley.
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Old 29-05-2020, 09:24   #10661
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Shirley?

Surely, thou doest mean surely?

Ashley, I meant what I wrote to be taken phonetically.


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Old 29-05-2020, 12:53   #10662
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Re: The New Joke Thread

a few
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Old 29-05-2020, 12:54   #10663
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Re: The New Joke Thread

And the best one I got today..........
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Old 29-05-2020, 14:57   #10664
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Old 29-05-2020, 15:03   #10665
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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And the best one I got today..........
I once met a family where 3 out of 4 kids were like that. It turns out kid #1 was raised by mom and dad, then mom went to work and kids 2 - 4 were raised by grandma, who gave them a lot of coffee when they were babies and toddlers to keep them awake all day and asleep all night. The theory held by kid #1 and the parents was that it was the high doses of coffee.
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