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Old 29-07-2018, 12:08   #3136
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Re: The New Joke Thread

It would make them sick birds
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Old 29-07-2018, 15:17   #3137
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What? Are Pommies indigestible?
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Old 29-07-2018, 15:22   #3138
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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What? Are Pommies indigestible?
According to Jonathon Swift , only the very young are fit to eat
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Old 29-07-2018, 15:32   #3139
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The Cynical Philosopher
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Money talks but all mine ever says is good-bye.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 100 kgs I've gained since then.

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I'm pretty sure she's going to get me something.

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

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Old 29-07-2018, 15:49   #3140
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I asked 100 women what their favorite brand of shampoo was...


The top reply was: "How the hell did you get in here?"
When I ask if you want me to scrub your back, a simple 'Yes please' or 'No thank you' is an appropriate reply...There's really no need for all this 'Who the hell are you?' and 'How did you get in here?!?'
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Old 29-07-2018, 16:37   #3141
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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The Cynical Philosopher
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

It only needs one person to marry, divorce (or become widowed) and remarry in the same year.
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Old 29-07-2018, 16:41   #3142
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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It only needs one person to marry, divorce (or become widowed) and remarry in the same year.
Ha Ha!

I just put that in the calculator and it worked.
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Old 31-07-2018, 15:45   #3143
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 31-07-2018, 16:10   #3144
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Re: The New Joke Thread

RE: BAAAAAAH! Means no!

Where men are men and sheep are skittish.....



But in Thailand BAAAAAH! means "You cheap Charlie!" Want girl pick number. You pay good. Girl treat you good!


Edit: The sheep AND the girls all have number tags. Just saying.....
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Old 31-07-2018, 17:17   #3145
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Don't take your cat duck hunting.

https://youtu.be/RBteMgscNxQ
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Old 31-07-2018, 19:08   #3146
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
RE: BAAAAAAH! Means no!

Where men are men and sheep are skittish.....



But in Thailand BAAAAAH! means "You cheap Charlie!" Want girl pick number. You pay good. Girl treat you good!


Edit: The sheep AND the girls all have number tags. Just saying.....

I'll have the third one, please.



Third girl, not third sheep. Good thing I proof read before posting.
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Old 01-08-2018, 08:52   #3147
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Too late, Amazon says your sheep will arrive by tomorrow, 8pm.
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Old 01-08-2018, 09:44   #3148
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Re: The New Joke Thread

You really have to be choosy if you go to Thailand............

.
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Old 01-08-2018, 14:48   #3149
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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You really have to be choosy if you go to Thailand............

.

Starting with choosing the right bar. Make sure you have the right home team.
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Old 01-08-2018, 15:16   #3150
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Shades of Sailing Anarchy...

This seems to be drifting away from cruising.

Jim
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