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Old 26-05-2020, 17:01   #10606
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Isolation Lockdown.

The only way for his parents to pull off a lockdown afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
“There's a car being towed from the car park,” he shouted.
“An ambulance just drove by!”
“Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out.
“Matt's out on his bike and his mum is telling him off.!
''Looks as if the Sanders are going into full isolation!''
“Jason has had his skate board taken off him.!"
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are shagging!!'
Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?


''Jimmy Cooper is on their balcony with a Mars Bar!”
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Old 26-05-2020, 18:01   #10607
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double-entendre.
So the bartender gave it to her.
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Old 26-05-2020, 18:25   #10608
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
A couple just flagged me down honking and waving, when I stopped they told me I was about to lose my pipe wrench. I told em it was a step and itís welded on. They proclaimed me King of the Rednecks right there on the spot.
Assuming if thatís for real, your my hero, after cruising Iím going to have to remember that.
Cause God knows I donít think I have ever used anything but a pipe wrench to put on a trailer ball.
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Old 26-05-2020, 23:35   #10609
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 27-05-2020, 05:12   #10610
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Will this work in my dead BBQ grill? Where there is smoke there is fire.
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Old 27-05-2020, 05:22   #10611
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Re: The New Joke Thread

ssssssssssssssssssssssss
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Don't Tell My Mom I Work In the Oilfield,
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Old 27-05-2020, 13:27   #10612
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Re: The New Joke Thread

It's getting bad around here.............
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Old 27-05-2020, 13:28   #10613
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Look close............
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Old 27-05-2020, 15:02   #10614
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Re: The New Joke Thread

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie thatís amore.

When you suddenly squeal cuz you stepped on an eel thatís a moray!
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Old 27-05-2020, 15:03   #10615
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing, because you can't cross a scaler with a vector
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Old 27-05-2020, 15:05   #10616
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A man I knew quit his job of identifying fungus for a living.

I asked him why, and he told me, ďEvery day itís just the same mould, same mould.Ē
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Old 27-05-2020, 15:08   #10617
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
Look close............
... you can see her pussy.
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Old 27-05-2020, 15:14   #10618
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie thatís amore.

When you suddenly squeal cuz you stepped on an eel thatís a moray!

When our habits are strange
And our customs deranged
That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw
And the bales total four
That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife
She gets stabbed with a knife
That's a Moor, eh?


When your sheep go to graze
In a damp marshy place,
Thatís a moor, eh?


When youíre soaking up sun
At the beach, having fun
Thatís some more rays.


When youíve had quite enough
Of this bad rhyming stuff
Thatís ďNo more!Ē, eh?
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Old 27-05-2020, 15:23   #10619
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I'm humbled!!
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Old 27-05-2020, 15:28   #10620
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
When our habits are strange
And our customs deranged
That's our mores.

(etc. etc. etc.)
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