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Old 01-08-2017, 19:07   #2506
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I get a commission...????

Cool!!


Checks in the mail, I promise
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Old 01-08-2017, 19:10   #2507
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Ooops... my mistake... while they are commonly called toad fish in Qld it seems they are actually Ferocious Puffers.... https://australianmuseum.net.au/fero...ichardson-1854

https://www.themorningbulletin.com.a...anyone/550078/

The lesser common and smooth toad fish I grew up with are quite harmless... unless you eat one... one of the most toxic tixins in the world....
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Old 01-08-2017, 19:18   #2508
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Buzzman View Post
I get a commission...????

Cool!!


You know they are all the rage in Oz these days. Royal Commission into.... you name it really
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Old 01-08-2017, 19:22   #2509
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Ferocious puffers? That sounds as ridiculous as a man eating kitten.
I believe you only because you provided a link.
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Old 01-08-2017, 19:25   #2510
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I've come across a number of man eating pussies over the years....
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Old 01-08-2017, 19:31   #2511
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The New Joke Thread

Snapping cooter? that is what it s called down South.
Of course I am talking about a snapping turtle cause a turtle is called a cooter, lord knows why.
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Old 02-08-2017, 17:50   #2512
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Here's a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 F degrees.



The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.



They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.



They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 F degrees inside, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off almost immediately.



The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.



The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.



There was no way that Old man Ford was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.



They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show --



Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.
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Old 02-08-2017, 18:48   #2513
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Funny story, but not a fact.
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Old 02-08-2017, 18:51   #2514
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Now THAT's funny
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Old 02-08-2017, 21:52   #2515
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Funny story, but not a fact.
No sh*t, Sherlock!
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Old 02-08-2017, 22:14   #2516
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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No sh*t, Sherlock!
For the symbol minded.
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Old 03-08-2017, 14:17   #2517
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Re: The New Joke Thread

We've all been warned, admonished and threatened with dire consequences should we ever - EVER! - respond to scam emails. But on the other hand.... could be fun, right? Here.... have a chuckle:

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Old 10-08-2017, 17:05   #2518
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Re: The New Joke Thread

In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment...

"The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm me! I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood. What do you say to that? "


The Englishman lowered his newspaper, looks over his glasses and replied...

"How very sporting of your mother!"
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Old 10-08-2017, 17:06   #2519
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Re: The New Joke Thread

For the Xmas shopping list maybe....
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Old 10-08-2017, 17:19   #2520
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by D&D View Post
In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment...

"The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm me! I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood. What do you say to that? "


The Englishman lowered his newspaper, looks over his glasses and replied...

"How very sporting of your mother!"
I was on the channel ferry a few years ago and happened to come across this same Englishman. Thought I'd try to strike up a conversation.

So I asked him if he was a sporting man, perhaps liked tennis. He replied "Tried it once, didn't like it."

I thought about artistic interests, asked him if he'd been to the opera lately. "Tried it once, didn't like it."

Well, maybe sailing, had he ever sailed? "Tried it once, didn't like it."

At this point I was a bit discouraged, but thought that everyone likes to talk about their children, so asked if he had any.

...

"One."
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