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Old 29-04-2020, 20:08   #10006
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 29-04-2020, 20:08   #10007
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Dr. D View Post
..... As an atheist, I found it quite amusing.

Being a fellow atheist is the only way I remain sane.

It turns out it's the religious who are actually the weirdos!

[Pedo sex scandals etc etc etc....]
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Old 29-04-2020, 21:18   #10008
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The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by JoeRobertJr View Post
In honor of the current page number,...



If 666 is the number of evil, then 25.806975... is the root of all evil.

$666.95 - Retail price of the Beast

$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax

$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul

$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast

6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast

00666 - Zip code of the Beast

1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.

Route 666 - Highway of the Beast

666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast

666k - Retirement plan of the Beast

6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.

i66686 - CPU of the Beast

666i - BMW of the Beast

DSM-666 - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast

668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast

2x4x666 - Lumber of the Beast

999 - Number of the Beast in Australia



Who knew, that explains everything weve heard over the last 5 weeks of lockdown. We live at 668!
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Old 30-04-2020, 02:18   #10009
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



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Old 30-04-2020, 04:57   #10010
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Re: The New Joke Thread

woman goes to Dr. says I want to quit smoking.
Dr. gives her a prescription. She takes prescription to drug store. They tell her insurance pays for this. Buttttt before we can fill it you have to take the starter set. Insurance does not pay for this, It is $500. then you can start the free stuff.
Woman says it is cheaper to smoke. walks out.
6 months later. She goes to Dr. tells him about that starter prescription and the $500,
Dr. says I don't understand . but will give you a different prescription. This is an antidepressant med. so you can stop smoking and don't get depressed while stopping.
Great. Woman fills prescription no cost insurance pays for it. Now she does not worry about quitting.
Sense she doesn't worry about quitting she goes from 2 packs a day ---to 3 1/2 packs a day.
after 2 Years she is back down to 2 packs a day. Dr. complains that she still smokes.
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Old 30-04-2020, 05:19   #10011
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 30-04-2020, 06:32   #10012
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Is that some kind of recoilless rifle? Ive never seen a rifled rocket / missile launcher?
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Old 30-04-2020, 06:58   #10013
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A fortune teller told me I'd suffer awful heart break in 12 years.

To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
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Old 30-04-2020, 06:59   #10014
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Calculus jokes are derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are too formulaic but arithmetic jokes are just basic.

The outlier is the occasional statistics pun.
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Old 30-04-2020, 07:03   #10015
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Re: The New Joke Thread

At a restaurant...

ME: I'll have the mouse, please.

WAITER: That's mousse, sir.

ME: Never mind then, that would be way too much food
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Old 30-04-2020, 07:09   #10016
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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At a restaurant...

ME: I'll have the mouse, please.

WAITER: That's mousse, sir.

ME: Never mind then, that would be way too much food
My brother went to a pizza place and ordered the large pizza. He asked if the could cut it into 6 pieces instead of the regular 8 pieces. When he was asked why he said that he didn't think he could eat all 8 pieces. yes it runs in family
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Old 30-04-2020, 07:30   #10017
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Is that some kind of recoilless rifle? I’ve never seen a rifled rocket / missile launcher?
Carl Gustav 84mm Recoilless Rifle. They've been in general use around the world for about 70 years.
Known as the M3 in the US military.

The latest iteration is the M3E1
US Army Acquires M3E1 Re-Usable Missile System – Warfare.Today

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Old 30-04-2020, 08:24   #10018
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Oh come on the only way to set accurately is with a dwell meter -cap on or off
You had a dwell meter?!?!? I used my fingernail. When dad bought a feeler gauge at a farm auction I thought we had really moved in with the rich folks.
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Old 30-04-2020, 08:28   #10019
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Communism would be hard to implement here. No one obeys the rules. They would have to put everyone in a concentration camp first.
A "re-education camp".....
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Old 30-04-2020, 09:11   #10020
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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A "re-education camp".....

Or, to save money on construction, they just issue a "stay at home" order.
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