The New Joke Thread

[senormechanico]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I like this one so much I went back in time and posted it a couple of month ago.

I knew I'd seen it somewhere ! Still worth a repeat though.

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I like this one so much I went back in time and posted it a couple of month ago.

It’s just as funny this month too

[OutOfControl]

Confucius say, "He who pull out fast usually leave rubber behind".

"He who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger".

[socaldmax]

[GordMay]

Heard at a candidate’s debate:
“I wish nothing but the best for my opponent, including having the top bunk.”

[LakeSuperior]

This morning I made sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face.

I'm not allowed Sharpies in the bedroom anymore.

[LakeSuperior]

My friend said that he replaced the Oxygen with Uranium in a water molecule.

I was like, "HUH?"

[Therapy]

Late, but oh well.

Please, take care of yourself out on the roads this holiday season.

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by ******** who drink bottled water, Starbucks, soda, juice, energy drinks, and **** like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.

This message is sent to you by someone who worries about your safety.

Merry Christmas!

[Therapy]

A few...........

[john61ct]

http://www.blameitonthevoices.com/20...ng-monkey.html

[Buzzman]

Confucius say: "Man who go to bed dreaming of shipwreck, wake up with mast in hand and foam on chest".

[GordMay]

Say what you want about pedophiles …
But, at least they drive slowly through the school zones.

[boatman61]

Portuguese senior citizen goes to see his doctor..

"Bom Dia Senhor Periera, what can I help you with today.?"

"Doctor.. I am really worried, for a while now when I pass wind it has no smell."

"Senhor Periera, could you pass some wind for me now please for me to judge.??"

"Certainly Doctor... (Resounding fart).. see Doctor.. it has no smell..!!!"

"Bloody Hell.!!!" responds the doctor.. "You need an urgent operation.."

"Madre Mia" say Periera.. "Is it a problem with my intestines Doctor.???"

"No.!!! replies the doctor.. "We need to operate on your nose."

[delmarrey]

A guys at the golf course asked me to name an actress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with?



I told him the one who knows how to fix elevators.
...I'm old & tired, and I have to pee a lot!

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Say what you want about pedophiles …
But, at least they drive slowly through the school zones.

OOOF!!