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Old 10-09-2018, 19:20   #3376
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by john61ct View Post
Just upload to YT post a link that's what it's for.



Lighten up. Not everything is on Youtube.
Before I posted the screenshots, I looked.
There are a million train truck accidents.
I looked through a bunch and didn't find it.
Besides, there were no Youtube indications on the video at all.
I tried to do a favor for those in CF who must deal with rarified bandwidth.

Maybe a bit of gratitude might be in order.
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Old 10-09-2018, 20:09   #3377
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Sorry you misunderstand.

Many (most) cannot see the video the way it is posted.

It is very easy for anyone to upload a video to YT, that is what I suggested.

If you want people to see it, you just post the link, works for all OS, browser, hardware types.

And it would be lower bandwidth not higher.

I am perfectly "lightened", not criticizing, just making a suggestion to help you accomplish what you're trying to do.

Do what you like.
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Old 11-09-2018, 06:25   #3378
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Re: The New Joke Thread

For the tech savvy:

I can’t find the “Be Nice” feature here on CF.
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Old 11-09-2018, 08:49   #3379
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Re: The New Joke Thread

John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.


"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house."


"Don't worry." John said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."


The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.


Come morning, the weather had cleared so they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of golf.


But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.


He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn, do you remember that good looking widow on the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?


"Yes, I do." said Shawn.


"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"


"Well, um, yes." Shawn said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."


"And did you happen to give her my name and address instead of telling her your name?"


Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."


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Old 11-09-2018, 15:43   #3380
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by senormechanico View Post
Lighten up. Not everything is on Youtube.
Before I posted the screenshots, I looked.
There are a million train truck accidents.
I looked through a bunch and didn't find it.
Besides, there were no Youtube indications on the video at all.
I tried to do a favor for those in CF who must deal with rarified bandwidth.

Maybe a bit of gratitude might be in order.

Didnt take long at all to find it on Youtube:


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Old 11-09-2018, 18:52   #3381
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Didnt take long at all to find it on Youtube:



Thanks to whoever posted it.

What can I say? I did a search and was unsuccessful.
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Old 12-09-2018, 00:25   #3382
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Well,now is a good time for that truckie to do agrease job and rotate the tires...

Jim (who also suggests scraping barnies whilst aground)
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Old 12-09-2018, 16:46   #3383
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Didnt take long at all to find it on Youtube.
Yeah, I also had probs finding it on youtube, so Thanks, StuM!

BTW... I noticed that from moment of impact to when the train stopped, the tail end of the cargo traveled only about four meters, or about 3/5th of the total roadway diameter. Don't know if the train was already slowing or if there was a REALLY heads-up engineer in control. Methinks the latter.
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Old 12-09-2018, 19:24   #3384
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Just heard there is a new kiss, an Australian Kiss.

It's like a French Kiss but it's Downunder.
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Old 12-09-2018, 19:27   #3385
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What do you do with 365 used condoms?

Melt them down into a tire and call it a good year.
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Old 12-09-2018, 19:31   #3386
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Re: The New Joke Thread

And one for tomorrow....

Why do they name hurricanes after women?

They come in wild and wet, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.
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Old 12-09-2018, 19:38   #3387
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Breaking news! This from an announcement by the TSA (Transportation Security Administration), a subsidiary of the DHS (Department of Homeland Security), a sub-divisional department of the USA (United States of America) Government (a system or group of people governing an organized community, kind of like a clan).

Quote:



The following TSA air travel regulations will become effective 01 Dec 2018. We wish everyone safe travels and a happy holiday season. {For further information, please contact +1 (855) 787-2227 or email TSA-ContactCenter@dhs.gov}

New and Improved "Passenger Air Travel Safety Regulation(s)" as amended and applied to existing amended updates of the previously revised and/or pre-amended updates pursuant to US Code Title 49, Subtitle VII, Part A, Subpart iii, Chapter 449, Subchapter I, 44903, (c)Security Programs. (1), et al.


#7243: No carry on luggage.

#7244: No checked baggage.

#7245: (Reserved. Waiting on Fred to make up his mind...)

#7246: All passengers must be naked when boarding and/or aboard an aircraft. Exception(s):

A) Full-fare Business Class passengers. (Just slip Shirley a twenty and you're good.)

B) Well, nobody else, really.

#7246 (a): No, you may not bring your clothing with you. See #7243.

#7247: Yes, you may appeal these rules to the US Supreme Court.

#7247 (a): Think they got time for your attitude?

#7247 (b): You some kind of anti-America terrorist, or what?

#7248: (Reserved. We''ll think of something...)

#7249: Due to the high percentage of people with peanut allergies {an estimated 0.6% in the United States} all non-full-fare passengers (and you know who you are, you cheapo scumbags) must pre-pay a $1,000 bond to cover emergency medical expenses. Or something. Ask Shirley.

#7249 (a): For refund(s) of said bond, each passenger should apply in person at airport security headquarters, Motu Mute Airport, Bora Bora, French Polynesia. Refund applications submitted more than 3 hours after the original bond-covered scheduled flight departure will be deemed invalid.

#7250: All passengers MUST sign the (form provided by your air steward) affirming that said passenger has, within the prior 3-month time frame before embarking, viewed the applicable Safety Film. Please listen carefully to your pilot's instructions. The film can be viewed by following this link:


#7251: Don't call me Shirley.


Oh, yeah: End quote.



Note: George had nothing to do with any of this. Please don't ask.



.
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Old 12-09-2018, 19:44   #3388
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I heard there is a new dating service for Seniors.

CarbonDating dot com.
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Old 13-09-2018, 18:49   #3389
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Some will understand...........and some won't.
Growing up in S. Texas this was know as "Monkey Blood" Not sure why.
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Old 13-09-2018, 22:31   #3390
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Wonderful stuff.

Same as Betadine.

Says "next time don't bother me with your minor wounds, save your tears for the serious injuries"
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