The New Joke Thread

[Karanga]

[GordMay]

An Aussie is driving in New Zealand and notices someone shagging a sheep by the roadside. The Aussie stops and says "Hey mate, over in Oz we shear them".
The kiwi stops, looks up indignantly, and says "I'm not sharing* her with no-one cuz".

* If you talk to a Kiwi, you will note that they have 1 less vowel than everyone else. They can't say fish, its fush, they can't say six, its sux, they can't say chips, its chups, they are not from NZ, they are from UnZed.

[chrisr]

while on the subject, did you know that it was the kiwis that invented velcro ?

yep...the sheep were starting to recognise the sound of the zip...


i'll see myself out

cheers,

[GordMay]

[StuM]

There used to be 20 sheep to every person in Unzud.
Now it's only about six to one.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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The good news is that they've got rid of all the ugly ones.

[ptards]

Originally Posted by GordMay

I didn't think this forum was supposed to be political, but there are two very recent political posts attacking Mr. Trump.

But if we want to go down this rabbit hole; lets take a minute to Google:
Drs. Lieber & Fauci's ties to the WHO, Harvard University, NIH and Wuhan Institute of Technology, bear in mind Dr. Lieber has received money from both the DOD and the People's Republic of China.

I'm really disMayed when a moderator takes his agenda to the forum where I come for a few laughs each day.

[DanCan]

Originally Posted by ptards

I didn't think this forum was supposed to be political, but there are two very recent political posts attacking Mr. Trump.



But if we want to go down this rabbit hole; lets take a minute to Google:

Drs. Lieber & Fauci's ties to the WHO, Harvard University, NIH and Wuhan Institute of Technology, bear in mind Dr. Lieber has received money from both the DOD and the People's Republic of China.



I'm really disMayed when a moderator takes his agenda to the forum where I come for a few laughs each day.

Ok... in my opinion humour and jokes can touch anything, why is something off limits? With moderation, nothing should be so sacred that cannot be mocked a bit, including politics and religion. If this becomes a trend or too much one sided maybe. Do you feel this is the case?
Not too long ago was a repeated joke/photoshopped pic of Trudeau dressed in drag in a gay parade. I just scrolled down, laughed a bit and moved (and I was a bit uncomfortable because I’m gay not because Trudeau is so sacred to me).
We should have thicker skin I believe...

[smbdyiam2]

[QUOTE=ptards;3117188]I didn't think this forum was supposed to be political, but there are two very recent political posts attacking Mr. Trump.

But if we want to go down this rabbit hole; lets take a minute to Google:
Drs. Lieber & Fauci's ties to the WHO, Harvard University, NIH and Wuhan Institute of Technology, bear in mind Dr. Lieber has received money from both the DOD and the People's Republic of China.

I'm really disMayed when a moderator takes his agenda to the forum where I come for a few laughs each day.[/QUOTE

Oh I get money from Social Security , But I am still Anti Social I also get lots of tips but I don't go to horse races.
Does this help with the laughs?

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by Karanga

Attachment 212914

He is quite the comedian, ah! He can put on a show big enough to fill stadiums.

You would have never got this many laughs out of Killary.

[jeanathon]

Originally Posted by ptards

I didn't think this forum was supposed to be political, but there are two very recent political posts attacking Mr. Trump.

But if we want to go down this rabbit hole; lets take a minute to Google:
Drs. Lieber & Fauci's ties to the WHO, Harvard University, NIH and Wuhan Institute of Technology, bear in mind Dr. Lieber has received money from both the DOD and the People's Republic of China.

I'm really disMayed when a moderator takes his agenda to the forum where I come for a few laughs each day.

The test is whether or not it's funny. The Titanic one is mildly funny because it's partly true and passes the test.
Some of the previous deleted trump bashing posts were just bashing and not funny so did not pass the test.
I'm polish and like polish jokes as long as they are funny, but if they are just put downs you might want to be careful.

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by jeanathon

The test is whether or not it's funny...
... I'm polish and like polish jokes as long as they are funny, but if they are just put downs you might want to be careful.

The following jokes may be offensive, not just to Poles, but to all mankind at large.
To those of you who are easily offended, or believe you may be lacking the prerequisite sense of humour to appreciate/endure such crude, tasteless and vulgar jokes, I recommend clicking here: ➥ https://www.polamjournal.com/Library...lish_joke.html
to learn about the fascinating and very disturbing history of the Polish joke.
Now, don't say I didn't warn you.

The new Polish navy has glass bottom boats, to see to the old Polish navy.

Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea, when he died?
Five sailors died digging his grave.

Q. How do you sink a polish battleship?
A. Put it in water.

[jeanathon]

Originally Posted by GordMay

The following jokes may be offensive, not just to Poles, but to all mankind at large.
To those of you who are easily offended, or believe you may be lacking the prerequisite sense of humour to appreciate/endure such crude, tasteless and vulgar jokes, I recommend clicking here: ➥ https://www.polamjournal.com/Library...lish_joke.html
to learn about the fascinating and very disturbing history of the Polish joke.
Now, don't say I didn't warn you.

The new Polish navy has glass bottom boats, to see to the old Polish navy.

Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea, when he died?
Five sailors died digging his grave.

Q. How do you sink a polish battleship?
A. Put it in water.

Thanks Gord!
When I lived in France I would tell Polish jokes, and they didn't work till I changed them from Polish to Belgium. Thought it curious that France didn't have the same stereotype.
Now for a joke.
What is black and blue and lays on the floor moaning?
The next guy who tells me a Polish joke!
[emoji109]

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by jeanathon

The test is whether or not it's funny. The Titanic one is mildly funny because it's partly true and passes the test.
Some of the previous deleted trump bashing posts were just bashing and not funny so did not pass the test.
I'm polish and like polish jokes as long as they are funny, but if they are just put downs you might want to be careful.

What's funny to one person may not be funny to another person. Since that is quite often based on very personal political views, it's been decided that no political jokes are allowed, to make things simpler.

[LakeSuperior]

A man was walking with his three year old daughter. As they were walking, the man bumped into one of his high school friends.

"I've not seen you in ages! And this is my daughter Beth!"

"And what's Beth short for?"

"Well, she's only three."

[LakeSuperior]

Well, I guess we have the time...


A gentleman on his way to a job interview in Brooklyn breaks the sole of his shoe. Not wanting to arrive at the interview with a broken shoe, he asks some by-standers where the closest cobbler is.

“You’ll want Olaf Von Gundersen.” says one gentleman. “He isn’t very close by but he’s quick and his prices are just right.”

Having no choice, the man with the broken shoe hurries off. He goes through numerous tiny alleyways, getting lost often and has to ask for directions but everyone he meets knows where Olaf Von Gundersen’s shop is and praises him highly.

Finally, the gentleman arrives at the shop. A tiny little Asian man is sitting outside, smoking a pipe.

“Excuse me,” says the man with the broken shoe, “where can I find Olaf Von Gundersen?”

“It is me.” says the little Asian man. “I am Olaf.”

The gentleman is taken aback but then recovers and shows the little Asian man his broken shoe. The Asian man fixes it within minutes and with perfect craftsmanship.

The gentleman pays him then hesitates as he’s about to leave.

“Excuse me, Mr Von Gundersen,” he says, “May I ask how you got your name, seeing as you are well... Asian. The name doesn’t quite fit, as you can understand.”

The little Asian man takes a seat and puffs on his pipe.

“When I came to Ellis Island 20 years ago,” he begins, “I was waiting in line to be admitted into your great country. In front of me was a tall, broad shouldered blonde man. When his turn came, he stepped up to the immigration officer.

The immigration officer said:

‘What’s your name?’

The man said, ‘Olaf Von Gundersen.’

The immigration officer stamped his papers and let him through.

‘Next!’

I stepped up.

The immigration officer said, ‘What’s your name?’

I said, ‘Sam Ting.’