The New Joke Thread

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by svmariane

*** Switzerland and Lichtenstein on the Brink of War ! ***

Reminds me of the Leonard Wibberley book, and Peter Sellers movie, “The Mouse That Roared”, wherein the Dutchy of Grand Fenwick declares war on the United States, expecting to surrender, taking advantage of American largesse toward its defeated enemies to rebuild the defeated nation's economy. Unfortunately, the plan goes awry, when their expeditionary force wins ...
“The Mouse That Roared”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKOftmWGGXk

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by crooks

I prosecuted a moon shiner in Butts County. He was the last of a dying breed.

My first trial involved a crack salesman. I'm not sure there is much difference.

I question the result and the purpose in both cases.

About 40 years ago when I lived in Atlanta a couple of friends bought some land in the mountains of western NC and moved up. The neighbors were pretty friendly as soon as they realized these guys were going to live there and weren't undercover revenooers or something.

My friends soon learned that a lot of the locals were moonshiners, former moonshiners or relatives of moonshiners but talking to the younger generation it seemed like they had switched to growing pot up in the mountains where they used to hide the stills.

I do see one major difference between a crack dealer and a moonshiner. The moonshiner is basically a tax cheat, selling a product that would otherwise be legal. Far as I know crack isn't legal anywhere in the US. However both are selling a product that has the potential for serious, long term health risks.

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by ben2go

It's all fake. I know some of the people involved in the show that live in NC and SC. Even though they won't say it, they are paid by Discovery Channel. It's amazing how they went from being poor and living in house trailers that are falling in to owning $200,000 to $500,000 houses and riding around in $70,000 trucks and SUVs.

What??!!! An unreality TV show is fake? Next you'll try telling me that Ancient Aliens is all bogus too.

On a different but related note, does anyone else think Georgio Tsoukolas has a resemblance to the Heat Miser? Isn't it odd that we never see these two at the same time? Perhaps they are one and the same person?

[LakeSuperior]

Better late than never...


What did the French groundhog see when he woke up?

His château.

[LakeSuperior]

Me: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

Wife: Oh my! Who!?

Me: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

Wife: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

Me: No, it was with a knife...

[LakeSuperior]

Today I quit drinking for good...

Now I only drink for evil.

[LakeSuperior]

What’s the difference between an art major and a homeless person.

About 5 years.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY

What??!!! An unreality TV show is fake? Next you'll try telling me that Ancient Aliens is all bogus too.

Sorry to burst another bubble but there's no aliens in the devils triangle either.

And, the only time you will ever see your compass spinning in circles will be after too much rum.

[ben2go]

Originally Posted by belizesailor

Yeah, had a friend who was a fishermen in Alaska who said similar things about the cast of "Deadliest Catch".

That one was busted soon after the first episode aired by a former crew member on one of the boats.

[toddster8]

Originally Posted by skipmac

Sorry to burst another bubble but there's no aliens in the devils triangle either.

And, the only time you will ever see your compass spinning in circles will be after too much rum.

Yeah? Ever tried turning a screw on the binnacle with a magnetized screwdriver? Real WTF moment there, until the brain kicks in.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by toddster8

Yeah? Ever tried turning a screw on the binnacle with a magnetized screwdriver? Real WTF moment there, until the brain kicks in.

Well haven't done that one but I did wonder once how come my autopilot suddenly started acting wonky. Seemed it happened right after I moved a tool box to a locker on the other side of the bulkhead where the AP compass was mounted. You know, the compass I installed myself just a couple of months prior.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by ben2go

That one was busted soon after the first episode aired by a former crew member on one of the boats.

On the other hand, my son in law knows some of the guys on Wicked Tuna and he swears at least some of them are actual commercial fishermen.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by belizesailor

Yeah, had a friend who was a fishermen in Alaska who said similar things about the cast of "Deadliest Catch".

That's why I don't watch any of that "reality" crap. They all pretend that they're unscripted or "real", but in truth it's all loosely scripted and heavily produced to create drama out of boring crap. I really get a laugh out of those "survivor" type shows where some semi naked actor is looking right into the camera at night and shivering and claiming to be all alone, starving and afraid.

Seriously?? You mean the cameraman, light guy, director, producer, medic, safety observer, and 10 PAs aren't all standing around right off camera? My BIL says he knows most of the characters who are on the "Storage Wars" show and he's commented repeatedly that the drama between them is all hyped, fake.

The bottom line is if there's a camera there and it's broadcast on TV, it's all scripted and overly dramatized for ratings.

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by skipmac

In the deep south and Appalachians they used corn mash, the starch in the corn converting to sugars that fermented into ethanol. The purists used straight corn but commercial moonshiners realized they could cheaply up the output by adding sugar to the mash. They did grow varieties of sugar cane in the south but that took more acreage than corn and also growing too much cane attracted unwanted attention from the authorities. Corn was grown in large quantities for animal feed so was less suspicious. Same problem with adding sugar. Upped the yield of the process but some local farmer buying a few hundred pounds of sugar from the general store was a giveaway.

Shine, even triple distilled was typically in the range of 150-160 proof (75-80%) alcohol. Theoretically a home brew could be distilled up to 96% max but the ethanol and water form an azeotrope which locks in the last 4% water. Even high tech, commercial distillation columns can't get past 96% unless they uses special techniques to break the azeotrope like solvent extraction distillation. Commercially however, I believe they use a molecular sieve to remove the last bits of water to make anhydrous ethanol. By the way, it's really bad for you to drink anhydrous as it immediately sucks all the moisture out of the tissues in your mouth and throat which can lead to permanent damage.

OK this is all probably boring but as I learned later in life, my father and his cousins used to run shine from the Carolina mountains down into Georgia so I find the whole industry somewhat interesting.

One last bit of moonshine trivia. The old timers would take a clear, quart mason jar of shine and shake it to test. The size and quantity of the bubbles in the liquid would let them estimate the proof of the shine.

Lady that babysat our kids in Richmond Hill Ga., Father was a moonshiner. They had several kids, very frequently each kid would go to the store as in several times a week and buy bags of sugar, each one. The hope was that small sales would go unnoticed, but everyone in the town knew what was going on, but all turned the other way as that was the only way he had of feeding all those kids.

Moonshine is like anything else, done properly it’s not at all poisonous, and it’s easy to make sure it’s not.
The US Governments prohibition of distilled alcohol is protecting a tax, your allowed to brew your own beer and wine, so long as you don’t distill it.

[El Pinguino]

Originally Posted by crooks

I prosecuted a moon shiner in Butts County. He was the last of a dying breed.

My first trial involved a crack salesman. I'm not sure there is much difference.

I question the result and the purpose in both cases.

A crack salesman in Butts County? Wouldn't have thought there would be much demand....