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Old 14-04-2020, 07:36   #9421
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Next year, I'm moving to Greenwich, England.

I don't know what I'm going to do in the mean time.
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Old 14-04-2020, 07:37   #9422
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I have read that symptoms of the Covid19 virus can include loss of smell and taste. Well I don't know about your sense of smell....

But judging by your hair and clothes I think you might've had this disease for quite some time.
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Old 14-04-2020, 10:23   #9423
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.



My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."



She then said, "That's what you did yesterday!"



I replied, "I WASN'T DONE , SO I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF FINISHING RIGHT NOW."



The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: "Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?" Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?


Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."


On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."


I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap.












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Old 14-04-2020, 11:40   #9424
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Old 14-04-2020, 16:13   #9425
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I sat on deck with wife and she said rest your eyes on that beautiful sunset. 2 days later at port and she says ' why did you go to that topless bar?"
I said "I wanted to rest my eyes on" and she hit me with the frying pan
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Old 14-04-2020, 16:27   #9426
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 14-04-2020, 17:19   #9427
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Old 14-04-2020, 17:27   #9428
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Old 14-04-2020, 17:58   #9429
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I was identified at risk for corona virus Monday so went for drive up test today. Longest q-tip i'd ever seen. I think she was going for brain matter but found none. Finally stopped when I complained of poking at top of anus. Must wait four days for results of test. Not too fun though nurse was quite attractive. Maybe she has a thing for grey haired potbellied pirates? Purchance to dream.
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Old 14-04-2020, 18:10   #9430
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by potbellypirate View Post
Maybe she has a thing for grey haired potbellied pirates? Purchance to dream.

If she does, there’s going to be a long queue for her tip.
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Old 14-04-2020, 18:37   #9431
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to be light brown color."

The prince says, "I rather like the Turkish bulls. Fine specimens indeed."

"Excellent choice, your majesty. But Turkish bull is special. They is bred for royalty, like you. But if you have royal blood, you must be bonding with bull calf when young, before they change color. Or they will reject you," the Russian explains.

"Well", the prince says, "I'm looking for a strong, adult bull. I'm not particularly interested in buying a calf. I rather like this big, beige bull over here."

The prince attempts to pet the large Turkish bull. It sniffs his hand, shakes its head in disgust, turns around and kicks the prince in the head with its hind legs.

The prince goes flying across the room and lands in a pile of hay.

"Where did you get such a horrible beast?! Why did it kick me!?" He sputters.

"I told you. From Turkey." The Russian explains. "Is tan bull, can't stand a noble."
OOffaaa..... badumbum...CHING !
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Old 15-04-2020, 01:36   #9432
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 15-04-2020, 01:39   #9433
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My very talented nephews have a little fun, at my expense:
https://wm-so.glb.shawcable.net/serv...d=57034&part=2
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Old 15-04-2020, 02:36   #9434
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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My very talented nephews have a little fun, at my expense:
https://wm-so.glb.shawcable.net/serv...d=57034&part=2

HTTP ERROR 404
Problem accessing /service/home/~/. Reason:

must authenticate
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Old 15-04-2020, 02:37   #9435
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