The New Joke Thread

[GordMay]

I've always wondered:

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?
Where's that extra penny going to? Taxes?

At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

Why are there no 'B' batteries?

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

How can one person be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?

How far east can you go before you're heading west?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why does a priceless object cost more than a pricey one?

Why do 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by GordMay

I've always wondered:

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?
Where's that extra penny going to? Taxes?

....how rich/famous does someone have to be before they are consider "eccentric" rather than just plain old "crazy"?

[Tayana42]

“If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress? “

Gordy, That’s the best one yet. Not sure if it’s a joke though.

[senormechanico]

Back in the days of portable vacuum tube type radios, there WAS such a thing as B batteries.
The A battery was for the tube filaments and B battery (usually 90 volts) was for the plate voltages.


Not that I'm giving away my age or anything....

[Jdege]

Originally Posted by senormechanico

Back in the days of portable vacuum tube type radios, there WAS such a thing as B batteries.
The A battery was for the tube filaments and B battery (usually 90 volts) was for the plate voltages.


Not that I'm giving away my age or anything....

Are you old enough to remember when trotting down to the local garage to refill the sulfuric acid was a weekly chore?

(I'm not, but when I was a kid I had to get up and walk all the way across the room to change channels.)

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by senormechanico

Back in the days of portable vacuum tube type radios, there WAS such a thing as B batteries.
The A battery was for the tube filaments and B battery (usually 90 volts) was for the plate voltages.
Not that I'm giving away my age or anything....

Now we know.
Except, that's not a "B" size battery, in the same sense as the "AAA", "A", & "C" are physical sizes.
All early radios used batteries - as many as three batteries in the earliest sets. These batteries were known as A, B, and C. Radio engineers soon designed circuits to eliminate the C battery in a typical radio circuit. That left two battery supplies, A and B.
The A supply provides low-voltage DC to heat the filaments inside the radio tubes. It can be as low as 1.5 volts.
The B supply provides higher-voltage DC for the "plate" circuits of the radio. The B supply can be 22.5, 45, 67.5, or 90 volts.
➥ https://antiqueradio.org/bsupply.htm

[GILow]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Now we know.
Except, that's not a "B" size battery, in the same sense as the "AAA", "A", & "C" are physical sizes.
All early radios used batteries - as many as three batteries in the earliest sets. These batteries were known as A, B, and C. Radio engineers soon designed circuits to eliminate the C battery in a typical radio circuit. That left two battery supplies, A and B.
The A supply provides low-voltage DC to heat the filaments inside the radio tubes. It can be as low as 1.5 volts.
The B supply provides higher-voltage DC for the "plate" circuits of the radio. The B supply can be 22.5, 45, 67.5, or 90 volts.
➥ https://antiqueradio.org/bsupply.htm

Even in the joke thread... he just can’t help bringing facts to the discussion.

Keep up the great work mate.

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Now we know.
Except, that's not a "B" size battery, in the same sense as the "AAA", "A", & "C" are physical sizes.
All early radios used batteries - as many as three batteries in the earliest sets. These batteries were known as A, B, and C. Radio engineers soon designed circuits to eliminate the C battery in a typical radio circuit. That left two battery supplies, A and B.
The A supply provides low-voltage DC to heat the filaments inside the radio tubes. It can be as low as 1.5 volts.
The B supply provides higher-voltage DC for the "plate" circuits of the radio. The B supply can be 22.5, 45, 67.5, or 90 volts.
➥ https://antiqueradio.org/bsupply.htm

I saw what you did.

https://antiqueradio.org/bsupply.htm

But I are that also!

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Now we know.
Except, that's not a "B" size battery, in the same sense as the "AAA", "A", & "C" are physical sizes.
All early radios used batteries - as many as three batteries in the earliest sets. These batteries were known as A, B, and C. Radio engineers soon designed circuits to eliminate the C battery in a typical radio circuit. That left two battery supplies, A and B.
The A supply provides low-voltage DC to heat the filaments inside the radio tubes. It can be as low as 1.5 volts.
The B supply provides higher-voltage DC for the "plate" circuits of the radio. The B supply can be 22.5, 45, 67.5, or 90 volts.
➥ https://antiqueradio.org/bsupply.htm

And THERE'S the Gordo we all know! Must have escaped from the kidnappers. (Ref: Post #3985)

[senormechanico]

Originally Posted by GILow

Even in the joke thread... he just can’t help bringing facts to the discussion.

Keep up the great work mate.

That's why I gave the short version.

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by GILow

Even in the joke thread... he just can’t help bringing facts to the discussion.

Keep up the great work mate.

If he hadn’t brought it up I would have.

[svmariane]

#Meanwhile... Papa shark is teaching the boy shark how to eat humans:

- ..so son, when you see the human swimming approach and start swimming in circles around him for about 5 min..then jump and eat him.

- Dad? Can we just eat him right away ?

- You can..if you want to eat him with all the sh** still inside....

[GordMay]

Q. How many pedants does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three.
One to change it, one to complain about a spelling error on the box it came in, and one to check the dictionary (lightbulb or light bulb?).

And THERE'S the Gordo we all know! Must have escaped from the kidnappers. (Ref: Post #3985)

Indeed.
Don't pay the ransom.

[GordMay]

Oxymorons:
Act naturally
Almost exactly
Alone together
Business ethics
Clearly misunderstood
Computer security
Diet ice cream
Exact estimate
Family vacation
Found missing
Genuine imitation
Good grief
Government organization
Legally drunk
Living dead
Microsoft Works
Military Intelligence
New classic
"Now, then ..."
Peace force
Plastic glasses
Political science
Pretty ugly
Religious tolerance
Resident alien
Same difference
Silent scream
Software documentation
Sweet sorrow
Temporary tax increase
Terribly pleased
Working vacation

[Jason Flare]

“Baked Fresh” is a phrase I find absurd.