The New Joke Thread

[LakeSuperior]

I had a disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.

I was tossing all night

[MicHughV]

"If I were to die first, would you remarry?” my wife asked.
“Well,” I replied, “I’m still young and in good health, so why not?”
“Would she live on our boat?”
“It’s all paid up, and still floats, so probably, yes.”
“Would she drive my new car?”
“It’s still new, so why not.”
“Would she use my golf clubs?”
“No, I don't think so, she’s left-handed.”

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

People who are bored will do things to pass the time.
I’ve tied a many a hangman's knot out of boredom when I had a piece of line as a kid. I’ve also tried to lasso fence posts etc, and I have no idea of how to do that or what I was doing either, many years later I learned that a Lariat was not just a simple piece or rope, but stiff like a cable.
To this day I’m completely inept at knots, to some it comes easy, me, I have to watch the animation probably 20 times, and still get it wrong.
A Bowline is about the only knot I’m capable of.

Well, if wanting to try something a bit different with ropes....

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?sto...sn=mo&d=n&vh=e

[StuM]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

I had a disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.

I was tossing all night

Are you sure you want to admit to that?
Are you familiar with https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/toss_salad

[socaldmax]

I've been told Kale tastes the same...

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by StuM

Are you sure you want to admit to that?
Are you familiar with https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/toss_salad

Thanks Stu..... I will never ever be able to look at a salad again without thinking of that very unappealing association.

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[D&D]

Little Johnny's teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher. Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.
'Excellent.'
Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.
'I had bugger all', he says, ' B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada . Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast.
When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.
Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'
Johnny ponders the question and finally says, "The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother.


That's why I got bugger all for breakfast'.