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Old 26-12-2018, 11:29   #4051
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Oxymorons:
Act naturally
Almost exactly
Alone together
Business ethics
Clearly misunderstood
Computer security
Diet ice cream
Exact estimate
Family vacation
Found missing
Genuine imitation
Good grief
Government organization
Legally drunk
Living dead
Microsoft Works
Military Intelligence
New classic
"Now, then ..."
Peace force
Plastic glasses
Political science
Pretty ugly
Religious tolerance
Resident alien
Same difference
Silent scream
Software documentation
Sweet sorrow
Temporary tax increase
Terribly pleased
Working vacation


Fun run!
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Old 26-12-2018, 20:30   #4052
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
Where does Santa shop for the bad children?

Kohlís
Is this another engineering joke..???

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Old 26-12-2018, 20:57   #4053
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This is a bit rude but only youtube rude and it's funny....

Unless of course it's not 🤐🤐🤐

https://youtu.be/tqOIzzaCxzo
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Old 26-12-2018, 21:19   #4054
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Buzzman View Post
Is this another engineering joke..???

Just punishing humour?


Kohl's - "coals" ?



For the Aussies, that would be Coles
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Old 26-12-2018, 22:45   #4055
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Doctor said to get more exercise, to use the stairs instead of the elevator.

Here's the Physical Therapist demonstrating the proper way to go upstairs.

{Not sure how to get back down... maybe jump?}

https://media.giphy.com/media/woN6NG...Tk5y/giphy.gif
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Old 27-12-2018, 00:21   #4056
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Re: The New Joke Thread

OK, so I also thought maybe "coals" but I don't get why that's a thing.

Why would 'bad children' get 'coals' for Christmas?

Coal is a useful thing, is it not?

At least you could burn it to keep warm.....

Which is more than you could do with anything from Kohl's.

Maybe it's a "mining engineer's joke"...???
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Old 27-12-2018, 00:25   #4057
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 27-12-2018, 02:18   #4058
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
This sorta happened to me in 1994

She said "I think I'm pregnant"

I laughed & said "I had a vasectomy"

That was the last time I seen her
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Old 27-12-2018, 03:18   #4059
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Top 25 Engineerís Terms and Expressions
(What we say versus what it means)

1. A number of different approaches are being tried.
We are still guessing at this point.
2. Close project coordination.
We sat down and had coffee together.
3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach.
We just hired three punk kids out of school.
4. Major technological breakthrough!
It works OK; but looks very hi-tech!
5. Customer satisfaction is believed assured.
We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.
6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. Test results were extremely gratifying!
Unbelievable, it actually worked!
8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
The only guy who understood the thing quit.
9. It is in process.
It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.
10. We will look into it.
Forget it! We have enough problems already.
11. Please note and initial.
Letís spread the responsibility for this.
12. Give us the benefit of your thinking.
Weíll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesnít interfere with what we have already done or with what we are going to do.
13. Give us your interpretation.
We canít wait to hear your bull.
14. See me or letís discuss.
Come to my office, Iíve screwed up again.
15. All new.
Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
16. Rugged.
Donít plan to lift it without major equipment.
17. Robust!
Rugged, but more so.
18. Light weight.
Slightly lighter than rugged
19. Years of development.
One finally worked
20. Energy saving.
Achieved when the power switch is off.
21. No maintenance.
Impossible to fix
22. Low maintenance.
Nearly impossible to fix
23. Fax me the data.
Iím too lazy to write it down.
24. We are following the standard!
Thatís the way we have always done it!
25. I didnít get your e-mail.
I havenít checked my e-mail for days.
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Old 27-12-2018, 06:25   #4060
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Buzzman View Post
OK, so I also thought maybe "coals" but I don't get why that's a thing.

Why would 'bad children' get 'coals' for Christmas?
If you are serious, I guess you did not grow up in a European based culture with the Christmas tradition?

That's a pretty fundamental myth about holiday gift-giving within that context https://www.google.com/search?q=naug...coal+Christmas

Since poor kids were always out picking up scrap bits of coal to help keep the family warm, it would not give them much pleasure to get it in their stocking.
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Old 27-12-2018, 07:35   #4061
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
This sorta happened to me in 1994

She said "I think I'm pregnant"

I laughed & said "I had a vasectomy"

That was the last time I seen her
Unexpected pregnancy changes everything; name, address, phone number, email.....
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Old 27-12-2018, 16:16   #4062
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Re: The New Joke Thread

No, "european tradition" transposed to the Antipodes.

No need for coal here. It was wood-burners or electric, or nothing required.

Although we're now one of the largest exporters of the damn stuff, for our sins...

But to use 'Coles' for the joke punchline doesn't really work, as Coles has LOADS of stuff kids would actually like - lollies and chocolates for example....
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Old 27-12-2018, 19:12   #4063
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 27-12-2018, 19:16   #4064
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Recently spent some months around Rochester NY. Someone said to go to Kohl's, so we typed in "Coles" as we have in Aussie. Confusion ensued until someone gave us the right spelling.


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Old 27-12-2018, 20:01   #4065
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Re: The New Joke Thread

LOL .. now that's funny ... the 'American spelling' issue....
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