The New Joke Thread

[StuM]

Originally Posted by dfelsent

Sorte. Soter. Shore.

My horse lost a shoe, so I took him to the shoer to be shod.
The farmer sold an old pig and a shote
My bruised arm is sorer than it was yesterday

[StuM]

Socaldmax is looking very vacant today again


Yet again, finding his glamisdunes.com link in "View Source" and going to it gives me:


Forbidden

You don't have permission to access /invision/uploads/monthly_2020_09/49DDB032-ABCD-41C1-B3CF-A26559FF1309.jpeg.f4f1a770fa77498577d00f3a99faffa1 .jpeg on this server.




I think it's time he stopped linking to images at that domain.

[dfelsent]

Originally Posted by Adelie

There was no mention of deleting letters in the original problem statement so technically Shortly, Shore-side and various other words count too.



Even more technically no mention was made about whether rearranging letter order was acceptable.......

Oh dear. So I will remove 6 letters from “faulty”, add 5 to get “short” and add 2 more to get “shorter”.
Awesome lateral thinking! I love it.

StuM and others yours are awesome too.

[GILow]

When structural linguists go bad...

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by dfelsent

Oh dear. So I will remove 6 letters from “faulty”, add 5 to get “short” and add 2 more to get “shorter”.
Awesome lateral thinking! I love it.

StuM and others yours are awesome too.

Nope, only allowed to add 2.
Try again.

[Jdege]

Originally Posted by Adelie

Nope, only allowed to add 2.
Try again.

But two characters is sixteen bits.

Do you need to put them all in the same place.

[Singularity]

Originally Posted by GILow

When structural linguists go bad...

...a discussion on the finer points of topographic semiotics ensues.

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by StuM

Socaldmax is looking very vacant today again

Stu, occasionally I have the issue. I found that if I log in, the issue goes away. It's weird but it works for me. Sometimes if I reload the page the issue goes away.

N.B. I am using the latest version of Firefox. I also use the Brave browser.

[GILow]

Originally Posted by Singularity

...a discussion on the finer points of topographic semiotics ensues.

A sign of the times perhaps?

[StuM]

Originally Posted by Jdege

But two characters is sixteen bits

Or anywhere from 32 to 64 bits if they are UTF-16 or UTF-32 encoded Unicode

[tkeithlu]

Could you guys try saying something funny?

[LakeSuperior]

Sting was kidnapped last night...

The Police are looking for a lead.

[LakeSuperior]

Dad: Son, congratulations. I'm sure you will remember today as the happiest day of your life.

Son: Thanks dad! But the wedding is tomorrow.

Dad: I know.

[LakeSuperior]

Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer. It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.

I pointed this out to my wife and then mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal.

She's still laughing.

[socaldmax]

Last Day on the Job

It was the mailman' s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "F**k him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."