The New Joke Thread

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by john61ct

That's not a dish...



THIS is a dish...




Attachment 206664

Just like when playing billiards, when doing dishes, I am a big fan of a good rack.

[john61ct]

a flea goes into a travel agency and says, “oh i’ve been working so hard for the last few years, i really need a holiday.”

travel agent asks, “what kinda holiday were you in the market for?”

flea says, “i want to go somewhere bright and sunny, somewhere that i can just relax and enjoy myself, don’t want to worry about anything.”

travel agent says “okay” and starts flipping through his catalogue book. after some research, the travel agent announces proudly, “okay, i can give you one week in Nice, in Ringo Starr‘s hair.”

so off the flea goes.

after 4 days, the flea comes back to the travel agent.

travel agent asks, “what are you doing back here? aren’t you supposed to be on holiday?”

flea says, “oh that was an awful holiday! he spends all his time indoors, he’s always banging on the drums, he never goes out, it’s noisey and smelly. he’s always shaking his head from side to head, i got a terrible migraine! I just want a nice relaxing holiday, you know, out in the sun. i want to relax!”

so the travel agent picks up another catalogue and does some flipping through. suddenly he announces, “okay, i can give you one week in Monte Carlo, in Omar Sharif‘s moustache.”

so off the flea goes.

after 4 days, the flea comes back to the travel agent.

travel agent asks, “you’re back so soon? what was wrong with that holiday?”

flea says, “oh that holiday was even worse! he spends all his time in the casino gambling. and what’s worse, he smokes so much, all the smoke went up into his moustache, i got burnt from a bit of ash and cinders, it was smelly and ugh! it was no good, no good! i just want to relax! i want sunshine and sand and blue skies!”

so the travel agent picks up another catalogue and does some research. after a long period, finally he announces, “okay, we’ve had a cancellation, and this is perfect for you. i can give you one week in St Tropez, in Brigitte Bardot‘s muff.”

so off the flea goes.

after 4 days, the flea returns to the travel agent.

“what!!” the travel agent exclaims, completely flabberghasted. “what are you doing here?! what was wrong with that holiday?!”

“oh nothing!” replies the flea. “it was lovely. she’s so lovely. she just lays out all day long in the beautiful sand, on the beach, she soaks up a lot of sun, she had this radio next to her playing this delightfully relaxing music… i had a wonderful time there, it was the best holiday i’ve had.”

puzzled, the travel agent asks, “well if it was so great, what are you doing back here so early?”

flea replies, “you tell me! after 3 days, i found myself back in Omar Sharif’s moustache.”

[NSboatman]

Originally Posted by john61ct

That's not a dish...



THIS is a dish...




Attachment 206664

John wins.

[john61ct]

Sorry went down the BB rabbit hole, but I did bring back some carrots

[delmarrey]

A little life style fun in Alaska.......

.

[delmarrey]

Been to Glazier National Park lately...........


.

[transmitterdan]

Never been to Glazier National Park...didn’t know there was a park for glass window repair persons....

BTW, Glacier National Park still has lots of glaciers...

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by transmitterdan

Never been to Glazier National Park...didn’t know there was a park for glass window repair persons....

BTW, Glacier National Park still has lots of glaciers...

Oops! Speak to text can give you a odd sentences. Need to proof read better.

Angel glacier is my favorite. There are rows of rocks on the opposite hillside where they say each was pushed out about every 350 to 500 years.

[LakeSuperior]

Passed an auto parts store today and saw a sign that read, “Dead batteries, $1”

I thought, those should be free of charge.

[LakeSuperior]

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like an apple.

[LakeSuperior]

A British aquarium claims to have the world’s first vegetarian shark.

Either that or they’re playing a really good prank on Nigel the tank cleaner.

[LakeSuperior]

When I die I don't want to be buried, but I do want my family and loved ones to receive the best service possible.

Send me to the creme de la crematorium.

[JamesPNW]

Originally Posted by bill352

Nor to me, and I'm sure we're not the only ones.

Agreed - why a lawful constitutional process of a very serious matter is funny?

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

A little life style fun in Alaska.......

.

About that Alaska pizza box recycling idea in post #8124?

Well, I can see the bullseye alright, but where's the triple 20 and the double 16? They must have some funny rules for darts, over there in Alaskan pubs.

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by svmariane

About that Alaska pizza box recycling idea in post #8124?

Well, I can see the bullseye alright, but where's the triple 20 and the double 16? They must have some funny rules for darts, over there in Alaskan pubs.

The last Alaskan pub I was in was Chilkoot Charlie’s. It had a dirt floor covered in peanut shells. You could lose a dart in that mess.