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Old 17-03-2020, 03:19   #8866
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by El Pinguino View Post
A thought from a friend...

Suppose a time traveler had said to you 12 months ago..

'In 2020, the Italian governor of New York will close all the bars the day before St. Patrick's, and not a soul will peep in complaint."
How about Anzac day in Australia

https://www.sbs.com.au/news/anzac-da...to-coronavirus
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Old 17-03-2020, 03:26   #8867
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 17-03-2020, 06:34   #8868
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Re: The New Joke Thread

How's this for a pickup line?
"If the coronavirus doesn't take you out, can I?"
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Old 17-03-2020, 07:22   #8869
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 17-03-2020, 14:48   #8870
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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It has been rumored that Dictator Kim Jong-Un executes anybody with the corona virus.
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Old 17-03-2020, 15:13   #8871
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Re: The New Joke Thread

#Meanwhile COVID-19. Updates from cyberspace.

John: 1st day working at home. My wife already filed a sexual harassment claim with HR.

Molly: Pro-tip for couples suddenly working from home together: Get yourselves an imaginary coworker to blame things on. In our apartment, Cheryl keeps leaving her dirty water cups all over the place and we really don't know what to do about her.

Monica: Video call tips and tricks for WFH:

-everyone wants to see your cat
-no, seriously, why are you pushing your cat away
-more cat
-what if we just did a call with your cat?

Betty: I guess working remotely is okay, but it’s not nearly as much fun drinking at home instead of at the office.

Fred: ... so, NOW i can pick my nose at my desk......
(reply from Dave: Wait, we couldn't before?)

Erik: Experts recommend keeping your daily rituals even while working from home. Bonus: Conference call BINGO sheet.
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Old 17-03-2020, 15:28   #8872
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings:

1. A murderer
2. The police telling me everyone is dead
3. That book I ordered about positive thinking has arrived
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Old 17-03-2020, 17:35   #8873
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Re: The New Joke Thread

x=42 Stu
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Old 17-03-2020, 22:41   #8874
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Wow, just came out of Walmart and have never seen anything like this. There was NO toilet paper and I walked back up front to the service desk and asked if they had anymore anywhere else. The girl gave me a very rude 'NO' with a such a look of disgust that I would even ask. That was the longest walk back to the bathroom with my pants around my ankles ..
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Old 18-03-2020, 07:28   #8875
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Re: The New Joke Thread

You know being self quarantined isn't even that boring...

But I am surprised that counted 7884 grains of rice in one pack, and 7892 in a second pack.
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Old 18-03-2020, 07:29   #8876
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Re: The New Joke Thread

According to my doctor it should be ok for me to ignore social distancing on Saturdays and Sundays.

He said I have a weekend immune system.
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Old 18-03-2020, 12:00   #8877
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Re: The New Joke Thread

^^^^ Okay. Now THAT is funny! ^^^^
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Old 18-03-2020, 13:01   #8878
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Just heading to Walmart to see if the nexxt shipment of sh*t tickets came in...
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Old 18-03-2020, 15:23   #8879
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
You know being self quarantined isn't even that boring...

But I am surprised that counted 7884 grains of rice in one pack, and 7892 in a second pack.

Yes, okay, but how *long* was each grain....????

I'm at an average of 5.76mm.....


....but I'm only half way through the first 1kg packet of Jasmine Rice.


I suspect the Arborio and Basmati may prove to be somewhat different.

Who knew a pandemic could be so *fascinating*..????
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Old 18-03-2020, 18:37   #8880
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Re: The New Joke Thread

1234567890


.
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