The New Joke Thread

[MicHughV]

yes, " wooster" is probably the more accurate English pronunciation....that is, if you are from Surrey or other parts of gentrified England.....but coming from London's east side...."wurster" said in a cockney voice...is how I remember it...

[JPA Cate]

Through the thundering staugham
came Somerset Maugham,
riding his brougham from wougham to toughamb.

[socaldmax]

For the record, I was acquitted on all 3 counts. I was assigned a public defender, who was as useful as a keel at the top of a mast, he didn't even know my name. I had done my homework and knew they had no evidence.

On the witness stand, I smoked the prosecutor and surprised my PD. The judge threw out the entire case due to "over-charging" and a total lack of evidence. The judge even tore into the prosecutor, telling him that was the sloppiest case he'd ever seen and warning him that he'd report him to the bar if he ever came before him with such a poorly prepared case.

I caught up to the cute female cop as we were walking out. "I hope there are no hard feelings about losing the case, but I felt a little connection, especially during the click of the handcuffs! Any interest in dinner?"

Her emphatic "EFF YOU!!!" left little room for doubt, but hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained...

[MicHughV]

Interestingly, I have travelled the length and breath of England, and some areas of the country are downright difficult to understand the local English dialect.....

[dfelsent]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

yes, " wooster" is probably the more accurate English pronunciation....that is, if you are from Surrey or other parts of gentrified England.....but coming from London's east side...."wurster" said in a cockney voice...is how I remember it...

In Massachusetts we have Gloucester. Worcester. Dorchester. Peabody. Quincy.
Glostah
Woostah
Dawchestah
Peeb’dy
Kwinzy


Go figure.

[StuM]

Originally Posted by dfelsent

In Massachusetts we have Gloucester. Worcester. Dorchester. Peabody. Quincy.
Glostah
Woostah
Dawchestah
Peeb’dy
Kwinzy


Go figure.

Do Messrs Dalziel, Featherstonhaugh or Cholmondely live in any of those places?

[Buzzman]

You mean Dee-ell, Farnshaw and Chumley...??? Great fellows. Members of one's club, don't you know?

[Buzzman]

If you think English is bad, try torkin Strine.

In Oz'traya, "G'day, air yez goan" is translated as; "Good day, how are you?"

And we inherited rhyming slang from our Cockney convict forebears, so "kerrys" are "packing pieces", a building industry term rhyming from 'Kerry Packer', prominent media owner and wry wit, father of James, whose 354ft $200m Benetti tinnie is currently parked off his $50m estancia in Cabo.

Tinnie in it's original form meaning 'small aluminium runabout' but ironically used in this case.

Oh. And ftr that is the 'correct' spelling of 'aluminum'.

But most Seppos don't know that. Seppo being an abbreviation of 'septic tank' itself being rhyming slang for 'Yank'.

Most Aussies have an ironic sense of humour. Pronounced 'ozzie', btw, not oss-see. If you don't mind....

[GILow]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

If you think English is bad, try torkin Strine.

Yeah, nah.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

As South Africa has 11 official spoken languages, most South Africans are multi-lingual and have a tendency to switch languages at will, as certain expressions or words are better said in a different language..
South African "english" can be very confusing to an outsider...as their " english" may contain many words from another language..a conversation between a group of people in South Africa is often very confusing to an outsider as a speaker will flip from one language to another without even thinking about it..

Ran into that in a odd way. Had a business meeting once with a friend from South Africa, a supplier from Belgium and a manager from the Netherlands. They frequently switched from English to a mixture of Afrikaans, Flemish and Dutch (all being quite similar) which of course left me completely befuddled.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by Captn_Black

Yes, I too have learned these lessons the hard way living in Spanish speaking countries
I'm a pretty punctual guy, so it was tough.

Over the years have done a bit of business with Brazil and have found a similar issue with a Portuguese speaking country.

Love to tell them that they don't really speak Portuguese, they speak Brazilian, which they hotly deny. Think it's like speaking American vs UK English.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by CatNewBee

Greeks say sega sega...

Had a Greek roommate in college who taught me a few words but none I could repeat on a family forum.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by Captn_Black

Yes, I too have learned these lessons the hard way living in Spanish speaking countries
I'm a pretty punctual guy, so it was tough.

Or in Jamaica, "soon come".

Soon meaning maybe, eventually.

[Captn_Black]

Originally Posted by skipmac

Over the years have done a bit of business with Brazil and have found a similar issue with a Portuguese speaking country.

Love to tell them that they don't really speak Portuguese, they speak Brazilian, which they hotly deny. Think it's like speaking American vs UK English.

[BlueH2Obound]

Well, there went the Jokes Thread, it's now become a thread on the idiosyncrasies of language . . .