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Old 09-05-2020, 10:12   #10246
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Adelie View Post
This is the Joke thread. My post was a play on words. In other words it was a joke.
Along the lines of Poe's law.

http://https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law

We have all been down that Rabbit Hole at least once in life, and ever so easy to do using the internet where visual and voice nuances are missing from the communication medium.

A joke thread rather presumes the intent.
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Old 09-05-2020, 12:04   #10247
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by carstenb View Post
if two unicyclists of the same sex fall in love do they become bicyclists?
After a day of hard sailing I had to tell my wife I was not up for going out and that I felt like a bicycle...

"two tired!"
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Old 09-05-2020, 12:13   #10248
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Re: The New Joke Thread

You must have heard of the nice Jewish boy who meets the girl he'd like to marry. He realises she has to run the gauntlet of his mother. He decides he will take two other girls home as well, to see if his mother will be able to choose the one he wants to marry.

He gets home. The three girls sit down on the sofa opposite his mother. After two minutes, she says to her son, 'It's the one on the left.'

He says, 'Mother, that's amazing. It's incredible. How could you guess? How could you work out she is the one I want to marry?'

His mother shrugs and says , 'Already I don't like her.'
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Old 09-05-2020, 12:26   #10249
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Just thought I'd throw this into the mix....
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Old 09-05-2020, 13:14   #10250
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Re: The New Joke Thread

While living in England years ago I became friends with some pilots. One day this one pilot was taking the latest model BMW for a spin around Park Lane, Central London district, with me aboard.

He was pulling some serious speed.

The Police finally pulled him over.

Bobby casually sways up to my friend's driver window.....Calm cool and collected (read with Terribly British accent) says "Good afternoon Wing Commander. Have a spot of trouble getting off the ground, did we?"
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Old 09-05-2020, 14:41   #10251
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Back in the mid 90s I drove a heavily modified Mustang that could keep up with motorcycles in the mountain roads. I also felt that BMW drivers were the biggest jerks on the road, driving like everyone else was in their way, breaking traffic laws, acting like they were above the law. There was even a study that named BMW drivers as being considered the "worst", most aggressive drivers. One time I diced it up with a BMW M3 driver and after swerving in and out of medium heavy southbound traffic for about 10 mi at speeds up to 120 mph, he finally admitted defeat and backed off.

In 2000 I got a smoking deal on a BMW 750iL V12 and on one of our trips to Vegas I encountered a woman in a Ford Exploder who was determined to pass me on the right in the desert stretch. She'd get next to me and I'd barely touch the throttle and the V12 easily out paced her until she got up to 100 or 105 mph and then she'd run out of road and have to slam on her brakes in order not to rear end a semi truck doing 60 or 65 mph in her lane.

We kept repeating this over and over. She'd finally pass the truck, and gun it trying to catch up, pulling up on my right and I'd outpace her until she slammed her brakes on again. My wife finally asked me, "Why do you keep torturing this poor woman? Just let her pass..."

Then I said something that made me realize why BMW drivers drive like arseholes.

"Because I can." LOL
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Old 09-05-2020, 17:28   #10252
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Back in the mid 90s I drove a heavily modified Mustang that could keep up with motorcycles in the mountain roads. I also felt that BMW drivers were the biggest jerks on the road, driving like everyone else was in their way, breaking traffic laws, acting like they were above the law. There was even a study that named BMW drivers as being considered the "worst", most aggressive drivers. One time I diced it up with a BMW M3 driver and after swerving in and out of medium heavy southbound traffic for about 10 mi at speeds up to 120 mph, he finally admitted defeat and backed off.

In 2000 I got a smoking deal on a BMW 750iL V12 and on one of our trips to Vegas I encountered a woman in a Ford Exploder who was determined to pass me on the right in the desert stretch. She'd get next to me and I'd barely touch the throttle and the V12 easily out paced her until she got up to 100 or 105 mph and then she'd run out of road and have to slam on her brakes in order not to rear end a semi truck doing 60 or 65 mph in her lane.

We kept repeating this over and over. She'd finally pass the truck, and gun it trying to catch up, pulling up on my right and I'd outpace her until she slammed her brakes on again. My wife finally asked me, "Why do you keep torturing this poor woman? Just let her pass..."

Then I said something that made me realize why BMW drivers drive like arseholes.

"Because I can." LOL
as a porsche driver, that is pretty much the way we treat BMWs...

cheers,
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Old 09-05-2020, 18:24   #10253
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Re: The New Joke Thread

> "Because I can." LOL


> that is pretty much the way we treat BMWs

Two self proclaimed a*holes here so far. Anyone else want to join the club?
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Old 09-05-2020, 21:28   #10254
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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> "Because I can." LOL


> that is pretty much the way we treat BMWs

Two self proclaimed a*holes here so far. Anyone else want to join the club?


I try, but I just don’t seem to have the HP.

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Old 09-05-2020, 22:05   #10255
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by GILow View Post
I try, but I just don’t seem to have the HP.

Attachment 214714

Too bad it’s not a Ford Transit. I just watched an old Top Gear episode https://www.topgear.com/videos/sabin...es-6-episode-7where they had a German racing driver take one around Nurburgring. She was trying to beat Jeremy’s lap time of 9:59 in a Jag he drove. Her first lap was 10:23; for the second lap she removed all extra weight including Richard, put tape over all the exterior bumps, and managed 10:07. Asked if she could do it any faster, she said she scared herself shitless several times as she lost the brakes to overheating and never wanted to drive a van fast again.

I feel a bit like an ******* when I sail past someone who looks like they’re trying harder. Then I shrug and have another drink.
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Old 09-05-2020, 22:15   #10256
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and

pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"
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Old 09-05-2020, 22:16   #10257
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
> "Because I can." LOL


> that is pretty much the way we treat BMWs

Two self proclaimed a*holes here so far. Anyone else want to join the club?
I don't need a muscle car to be an a-hole, I'm a construction inspector.
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Old 09-05-2020, 23:51   #10258
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by GILow View Post
I try, but I just don’t seem to have the HP.

Attachment 214714
love it, and reminds me of one of my favourite bumper stickers

"YES, this is my ute, and NO i will not help you move"

let me know if translation required...

cheers,
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Old 09-05-2020, 23:59   #10259
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by chrisr View Post
love it, and reminds me of one of my favourite bumper stickers

"YES, this is my ute, and NO i will not help you move"

let me know if translation required...

cheers,
And that, in turn, reminds me of my favorite bumper sticker, seen on a clapped out VW on good ole hw 101:

My other car is a piece of s... too!

Jim
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Old 10-05-2020, 00:01   #10260
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Reminds me of an incident. I came up to an intersection and there were 4 cars in the right lane and only one car in the left lane, so I pulled up behind the single car. As I slowed to a stop, I realized my mistake too late.

It was a VW bus, with a bumper sticker that said, "Never, ever get behind a VW Bus."
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