The New Joke Thread

[StuM]

Originally Posted by Gerrit Coetzee

Why the thoughtless attack on the person of a poster?

Not only him, but then his wife too?

It is unasked for and takes the fun out of the joke.

Will ask that your comment/s be deleted.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

The short bed truck guys drive a truck because it’s the manly thing, If your successful, your supposed to drive an F-150 4 wheel drive, but they have no use for a truck, hence the short bed.
It’s all for show

I'm gonna laugh at that one, since this is the joke thread!

When I bought my Duramax in 2002, GM set a max towing capacity for the drive train and subtracted from that as the truck got heavier. So if you bought a 2500HD single cab 2wd SB, you got something like 15,500 lb towing cap. If you got a crew cab, your towing cap. went down 500 lbs, to 15,000 lbs, which is what I have. If you got the longer bed, your towing cap. was reduced by the extra weight of the long bed, 4wd further reduced your towing cap., etc. 3500 duallies had even lower towing cap. due to the extra wheel/tire weight.

So I needed the crew cab for my dogs, coolers, etc but I was willing to settle for a short bed to retain the towing cap. Nowadays, they rate the towing cap. based on braking power, gearing, hp, suspension cap. etc and a 3500 is actually rated for more towing cap. even though it has the same engine and trans as the 2500.

More power!!

[GILow]

Originally Posted by StuM

Yep, we've been getting quite a few jargon filled "war stories" lately that are pretty much unintelligible to anyone who hasn't served on a US submarine. (a very limited audience)

Yes, quite a few have gone under my head.

[LakeSuperior]

Mechanic: "When were your tires last rotated?"

Blond: "On the way here, silly."

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by StuM

Yep, we've been getting quite a few jargon filled "war stories" lately that are pretty much unintelligible to anyone who hasn't served on a US submarine. (a very limited audience)

Seriously, you couldn't follow the gist of that prank?

OK.

Can anyone decipher this one for me?

Hi Thursday july 23 my neighbor comes over and says he is going to check operation of our generator for the windy season here. turns and says it needs a new shut off valve. Comes back later in day and says he has ordered it and will be in mail Monday, Hi to my 2 daughters. later comes back to return my power washer says hi to 2 daughters, and part will be in Monday . I get email saying my order on a laptop for my wife is being shipped will be here Thursday the 30th. Friday he says will get it fixed monday hi to the daughter at home . Saturday he calls to say fix it Monday and Hi to both daughters. This morning at 7:30 AM ''early'' he calls one daughter to tell her He got the generator fixed and returned the washer and HI.
At 1 pm today Sunday the 26th the mail truck stops to deliver a package. I ask "ain't today Sunday?" He said yes but we deliver on Sundays for Amazon. He hands me a package with Walmart all over it. It is the laptop coming Thursday from Walmart.
I looked on calendar and it is Sunday 26 even computer says it is. Ever wonder why old people walk in a daze.
Oh i went and looked at generator and it has a new shutoff valve on it, must have did it about 6 AM this morning. Guess I will go drink the beer I've got for Wednesday.

[Buzzman]

Originally Posted by StuM

or as Winnie allegedly put it:
Rrum, sodomy and the lash

Thought that was The Pogues..??

[StuM]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

Thought that was The Pogues..??

So why did the Pogues illustrate their album of that name with a painting of the aftermath of a French shipwreck?
(Raft of the Medusa for those interested)

[StuM]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Seriously, you couldn't follow the gist of that prank?

OK.

Can anyone decipher this one for me?

Nope, that one lost me too.

[Buzzman]

Because they weren't allowed to use a picture of Pandora's Box...???

[sailorphil9]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.

I hear he's going to get a tough sentence

Here's his sentence (a bit lenient I think):



Theophilus Thistler, the thistle sifter, whilst sifting a sieve of unsifted thistles thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by sailorphil9

Here's his sentence (a bit lenient I think):



Theophilus Thistler, the thistle sifter, whilst sifting a sieve of unsifted thistles thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb.

Oh Oh Oh! I know who said that!

Mike Tyson...

[socaldmax]

I hope this doesn't offend anyone...



Not really.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by El Pinguino

When I first went to sea I was given to understand that you weren't queer unless you were the f*ckee rather than the f*cker.

In polite company (which generally doesn't mean boaters ��) could be referred to as pitching or catching

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by skipmac

In polite company (which generally doesn't mean boaters ��) could be referred to as pitching or catching

This boater doesn't like the crude gay bashing jokes or rough language .

Yes its a joke thread, but maybe a thought towards a young impressionable sailor, who might be reading this.

We have enough coarse bigotted clowns already!

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

This boater doesn't like the crude gay bashing jokes or rough language .

Yes its a joke thread, but maybe a thought towards a young impressionable sailor, who might be reading this.

We have enough coarse bigotted clowns already!

Well I did not intend anything derogatory or judgemental and if you see it as such my apologies. Since this was told to me by a gay friend I saw no harm in the comment.