Cruisers Forum
 


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 25-07-2020, 05:12   #11851
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,588
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

Apologies in advance...

A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship.

She was a damn good crackshot. Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic, old-time sniper from back in the WWII era. Beautiful old thing. She learned to fire it at age 12, could hit targets at 100 meters by age 15.

This one competition was particularly important to her because it was sponsored by a soda company. The prize was a year's supply of any soda the winner wanted. Of course, my friend entered for that delicious lemon-lime goodness.

So she hefted her trusty old sniper over to the field. There were 16 contestants so the competition was a single-elimination bracket. The rules were simple. Stand behind the line, aim and fire. If you hit it, the target got pushed back a few meters. If you miss and the other guy hits it, you're out.

Well my friend easily blew most of the competitors out of the water. Punks couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. She completely cleared out her side of the bracket with almost no competition.

It came down to the final round. She was up against Jackson. At 6 foot 6, this guy was an intimidating foe. Even with those catcher's glove-sized hands he still wielded his rifle with the grace of a ballerina.

He completely wiped out his side of the bracket. It was getting tense. He fired off first. 50 meters. Easy. Her next. 50 meters. Easy. And then him. 100 meters. Easy. Her. 100 meters. Easy. 150. Harder. 200. Harder. 300. Barely made it.

It ended up coming down to the wire. Two bottles, 400 meters down the field. Jackson stepped up first, sweat dripping down his face. He fired.
BANG. CRACK.

The bullet nicked the side, shattering the target. But you could see the Jackson's nervousness. It was clear that he would not be able to hit the next target. It was up to Sierra now.

She was sweating buckets. It all came down to this. If she could tap that glass even slightly, she'd be looking at a year's supply of her favorite soft drink.

She lined up her shot. Stared down the sights. The audience looked on in anticipation. Her lemon-lime drinks were on the line. This was all she needed. BANG.

Nothing. Her soda was gone. Sierra missed.
LakeSuperior is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 07:25   #11852
Registered User

Join Date: May 2019
Location: Kentucky, for now
Posts: 117
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by goguygo View Post
I have owned longbed pickups for years and am quite used to Hillbilly Parallel Parking-

Drive straight into the space, right tire up on the curb and ease in till yer left side bumper almost touches the car in the front. Then crank the wheel all the way to the left, reverse and drop her on down. Easy Peezy.
I have never been able to figure out why anybody would own a shortbed pickup unless they are an offroader. But they outnumber me by about 10 to 1 so I guess I'm the oddball.

goguygo: In your defense, you aren't an oddball because you like a long bed . . . plenty of other reasons you're on oddball though!
BlueH2Obound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 07:49   #11853
Moderator
 
a64pilot's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Jacksonville/ out cruising
Boat: Island Packet 38
Posts: 31,304
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Here is my plane. I forgot what model it is, but I bought it because the pilot came with it.

Yeah, that would be a Cessna, the 210 Centurian
a64pilot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 07:51   #11854
Moderator
 
a64pilot's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Jacksonville/ out cruising
Boat: Island Packet 38
Posts: 31,304
Re: The New Joke Thread

The short bed truck guys drive a truck because it’s the manly thing, If your successful, your supposed to drive an F-150 4 wheel drive, but they have no use for a truck, hence the short bed.
It’s all for show
a64pilot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 09:51   #11855
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,588
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

A buddy and I flew up to Alaska to do some ice fishing. Neither of us had ever been and we were both pretty excited. When we got there my friend was just too freaked out about falling through the ice and freezing to death. Well, I was still super stoked so I ended up calling a local tourist company and I hired a couple of locals to take me out to show me how and where to fish.

Turned out my guides were smoking hot twins. Best day ever. We ended up hitting it off during our time on the ice and...well..one thing led to another.

That night I met up with my friend at the bar and I ended up telling him about this crazy ice fishing adventure with the hot twins. He begged me to go into detail about what went down. I told him I didn't want to get too graphic in public but in baseball terms: I stepped up to bat and put two points up on the board.

Well this old guy sitting on the other end of the bar heard this and flipped the hell out. We ended up nearly getting into a fight and the bartenders had to throw him out.

I asked the bartender what the deal with the crazy grandpa was. Apparently those twins were his daughters, and he was not a fan of my double on tundra...
LakeSuperior is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 16:43   #11856
Registered User
 
chrisr's Avatar

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Australia
Boat: Tasman 40' catamaran
Posts: 672
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
Apologies in advance...

A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship.

She was a damn good crackshot. Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic, old-time sniper from back in the WWII era. Beautiful old thing. She learned to fire it at age 12, could hit targets at 100 meters by age 15.

This one competition was particularly important to her because it was sponsored by a soda company. The prize was a year's supply of any soda the winner wanted. Of course, my friend entered for that delicious lemon-lime goodness.

So she hefted her trusty old sniper over to the field. There were 16 contestants so the competition was a single-elimination bracket. The rules were simple. Stand behind the line, aim and fire. If you hit it, the target got pushed back a few meters. If you miss and the other guy hits it, you're out.

Well my friend easily blew most of the competitors out of the water. Punks couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. She completely cleared out her side of the bracket with almost no competition.

It came down to the final round. She was up against Jackson. At 6 foot 6, this guy was an intimidating foe. Even with those catcher's glove-sized hands he still wielded his rifle with the grace of a ballerina.

He completely wiped out his side of the bracket. It was getting tense. He fired off first. 50 meters. Easy. Her next. 50 meters. Easy. And then him. 100 meters. Easy. Her. 100 meters. Easy. 150. Harder. 200. Harder. 300. Barely made it.

It ended up coming down to the wire. Two bottles, 400 meters down the field. Jackson stepped up first, sweat dripping down his face. He fired.
BANG. CRACK.

The bullet nicked the side, shattering the target. But you could see the Jackson's nervousness. It was clear that he would not be able to hit the next target. It was up to Sierra now.

She was sweating buckets. It all came down to this. If she could tap that glass even slightly, she'd be looking at a year's supply of her favorite soft drink.

She lined up her shot. Stared down the sights. The audience looked on in anticipation. Her lemon-lime drinks were on the line. This was all she needed. BANG.

Nothing. Her soda was gone. Sierra missed.
sorry...i don't get it ? is there a joke hidden here somewhere ?

cheers,
__________________
"home is where the anchor drops"...parked on mooring at Yamba for a few weeks while we visit family in Newcastle & Sydney... maintaining social distancing !
chrisr is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 17:12   #11857
Moderator
 
JPA Cate's Avatar

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: aboard, cruising in Australia
Boat: Sayer 46' Solent rig sloop
Posts: 19,316
Re: The New Joke Thread

^^^^^^^^^^^Chris,

"Sierra Mist" = a lemon-lime soda pop beverage.

Ann
__________________
Who scorns the calm has forgotten the storm.
JPA Cate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 17:15   #11858
Registered User

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New York
Boat: Columbia 50
Posts: 417
Re: The New Joke Thread

Shaggy dog joke, Chris........
mlydon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 18:09   #11859
Registered User
 
AKA-None's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Lake City MN
Boat: C&C 27 Mk III
Posts: 1,057
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Yeah, that would be a Cessna, the 210 Centurian


What plane? Wait there’s a plane in that picture?
__________________
Special knowledge can be a terrible disadvantage if it leads you too far along a path that you cannot explain anymore.
Frank Herbert 'Dune'
AKA-None is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 18:13   #11860
Registered User
 
chrisr's Avatar

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Australia
Boat: Tasman 40' catamaran
Posts: 672
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by JPA Cate View Post
^^^^^^^^^^^Chris,

"Sierra Mist" = a lemon-lime soda pop beverage.

Ann
ahhhh ! thanks



cheers,
__________________
"home is where the anchor drops"...parked on mooring at Yamba for a few weeks while we visit family in Newcastle & Sydney... maintaining social distancing !
chrisr is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 18:50   #11861
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPB
Posts: 10,489
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisr View Post
sorry...i don't get it ? is there a joke hidden here somewhere ?

cheers,
Thanks for asking, you're not the only one who didn't get it.
StuM is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 19:04   #11862
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2016
Boat: McCurdy & Rhodes Custom 46
Posts: 669
Re: The New Joke Thread

So I was out ice fishing in New Hampshire. I cut my hole and set up the rig. It was a beautiful windless but very cold day.
I got nothing. Zero. Skunked.
Meanwhile the fellow just over was pulling out fish after fish after fish.
I swallowed my pride and walked over to ask what his secret was.

He kind of looked at me sideways and said “mmffk mmdgrrc mm.”

I said “I’m sorry I can’t understand you.” I was thinking he might be from Maine.

He kind of looked at me sideways and repeated “mmffk mmdgrrc mm.”

I said “I’m really sorry but what??”

He put his hand over his mouth and spat out a mouthful. And said “you have to keep the worms warm. “
dfelsent is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 19:57   #11863
Moderator
 
a64pilot's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Jacksonville/ out cruising
Boat: Island Packet 38
Posts: 31,304
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Thanks for asking, you're not the only one who didn't get it.
I don’t get a lot of them, but I got that one.
a64pilot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 21:19   #11864
Registered User

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: S. Oregon
Boat: '71 Cruise-A-Home Corsair 40' & Fiberform 28'
Posts: 53
Re: The New Joke Thread

There's just too much to bum me out nowadays; I wish there was a way to set up my home page so I only get to see happy stories.
As the prisoner said to the hangman when he couldn't find a rope-
No noose is good noose.
goguygo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-07-2020, 22:19   #11865
Moderator
 
Jim Cate's Avatar

Join Date: May 2008
Location: cruising SW Pacific
Boat: Jon Sayer 1-off 46 ft fract rig sloop strip plank in W Red Cedar
Posts: 16,724
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Thanks for asking, you're not the only one who didn't get it.
Including Ann's other half who had never heard of Sierra Mist other than as a driving hazard.

Jim
__________________
Jim and Ann s/v Insatiable II lying Port Cygnet again, freezing our bums off.
Jim Cate is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:53.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.