Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 27-01-2019, 16:14   #4381
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,049
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________

socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 27-01-2019, 16:26   #4382
Moderator
 
JPA Cate's Avatar

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: aboard, cruising in Australia
Boat: Sayer 46' Solent rig sloop
Posts: 18,958
Re: The New Joke Thread

My, what a wily warning!
__________________

__________________
Who scorns the calm has forgotten the storm.
JPA Cate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-01-2019, 16:35   #4383
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by GordMay View Post
svmariane's post reminds me of my favourite history book.

1066 and All That (A memorable History of England, comprising all the parts you can remember, including 103 Good Things, five Bad Kings, and two Genuine Dates)
~ by Walter Carruthers Sellar (18981951) and Robert Julian Yeatman (18971968).

Read it here1066 and All That
Well pffft if you're going to quote published authors and the like instead of giving a Gold Star to folk with original inventive stuff posted right here on good old CF! Waa... Waa.... <sniff> I'm gonna go talk with George down to the pub. <sniff> So there!
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
\_(ツ)_/
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-01-2019, 09:44   #4384
Registered User
 
Therapy's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: 28 yo Jon boat still
Posts: 7,025
Images: 4
Re: The New Joke Thread

Men Are Just Happy People!

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
__________________
Who knows what is next.
Therapy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-01-2019, 10:01   #4385
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 9,084
Re: The New Joke Thread

Lol, too true Therapy,
....but (physiology aside)...
why do our women like to try and make us feel guilty about our simplistic lifestyle?
Pelagic is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 28-01-2019, 10:04   #4386
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 38,198
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

And just to expand on Therapy's thesis.


EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
... When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
... A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
...The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

DRESSING UP
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
... A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking (or not) as they went to bed.
... Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
... A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.

THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
The difference (between us) comes down to semantics, and can be summed up with the one word women might say (and you really need to recognize it, because it's subtle). The word is "Fine!", because at this critical moment, everything is anything but fine.
.
__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-01-2019, 10:12   #4387
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,049
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
Lol, too true Therapy,
....but (physiology aside)...
why do our women like to try and make us feel guilty about our simplistic lifestyle?
Because they like to spread the misery.

That's where the saying, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" comes from.

The other saying, "Happy wife, happy life" is an implied threat. To prove that theory, just make her unhappy. See what happens. All kinds of unhappiness will ensue, not the least of which is revocation of your ticket to the amusement park. The park might still be open, but you're the one person who won't be in it.
socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 28-01-2019, 10:43   #4388
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,049
Re: The New Joke Thread

Definitely boat related.

socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 28-01-2019, 16:16   #4389
Registered User
 
Buzzman's Avatar

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New South Wales, Australia
Boat: Still building
Posts: 1,212
Re: The New Joke Thread

Was this vessel launched just before the handover to China....???/
Buzzman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-01-2019, 21:45   #4390
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Canaveral
Posts: 400
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Therapy View Post
Men Are Just Happy People! etc. etc.
yes, well, very nice. Unfortunately for us... I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men. They are far superior and always have been..."

I think you know the rest, and it is all true!
makobuilders is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-01-2019, 21:59   #4391
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,049
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by makobuilders View Post
yes, well, very nice. Unfortunately for us... I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men. They are far superior and always have been..."

I think you know the rest, and it is all true!
I do agree that women are superior for the most part.

However, happiness and superiority are two completely different things. I don't see any correlation between the two, except for the blissfully ignorant. I leave them alone, why ruin someone's bliss?
socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 29-01-2019, 01:41   #4392
mrm
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Poland, EU
Boat: crew on Bavaria 38 Cruiser
Posts: 654
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Definitely boat related.


Yes, and even though messing with port of call is frowned upon, they might have considered King Kong as well.. ;-D
mrm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-01-2019, 11:37   #4393
Registered User

Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Western Washington, USA
Posts: 24
Re: The New Joke Thread

Goodness. I was up way too late last night reading through these. Hilarious.

So I’ll add one.

Little Johnny and Papa were going fishing. Little Johnny totes his new fishing pole and a coffee can full of fresh nightcrawlers down the dock and hops into the boat with Papa. Papa fires up the outboard, casts off the dock line, and motors to the X.

Enroute, Little Johnny asks if he can drive the boat. Papa hesitated for a second and then responds, “well Little Johnny. Is your wiener long enough to touch your bunghole?” Stunned, Little Johnny answers no. “Then you’re not big enough to drive the boat yet.”

They get to the X and Papa tosses out the anchor. Little Johnny grabs his fish’n pole and starts to grab a worm. Papa takes the coffee can and tells Little Johnny thst he’s not big enough to bait his own hook yet. Little Johnny frowns and waits.

After Papa baited the hook, Little Johnny prepares to cast out. “Whooooaaaa” says Papa. “Hand that over young’n. You ain’t big enough to be cast’n out your own pole yet.” Frowning even more, a tear starts to trickle down Little Johnny’s eye.

Papa casts out and hands Little Johnny his pole. “Keep and eye on that there bobber”, he says.

As Papa rigs up his pole, Little Johnny’s bobber gets violently jerked underwater and is gone. Little Johnny hauls back on the pole and the line goes tight. The fish starts pulling drag and Little Johnny is extatic. “Papa, Papa. I got a biggun’. It’s a monster.”

Papa starts to reach over to grab the pole from the struggling Little Johnny. “Hand ‘er over a Little Johnny. You ain’t big enough to land that fish”.

Little Johnny hesitates and turns away from Papa. He asks, “Well Papa, is your wiener long enough to touch your bunghole?” Stunned, but with confidence, Papa answers, “Why yes it is.”

With that, Little Johnny responds, “Then go F*#k yourself, I’m catching this fish ya old coot!”
__________________
2017 Lumacat w twin Df300s - sold
2011 Worldcat 290cc w twin F250s - sold
2007 Grady White Sailfish w twin F250s - sold
Wdlfbio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-01-2019, 12:54   #4394
Registered User
 
Eigenvector's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 396
Re: The New Joke Thread

Who'd of thought he was into Pink Floyd.....
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	image002.jpg
Views:	201
Size:	41.8 KB
ID:	184733  
__________________
==========================
Don't Tell My Mom I Work In the Oilfield,
She Thinks
I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse.
Eigenvector is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-01-2019, 17:48   #4395
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 182
Re: The New Joke Thread

What global warming..

__________________

__________________
Gary
ohgary is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:57.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.