The New Joke Thread

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

When I was in my Officer's Advanced Course at Fort Knox, my small group instructor was friends with General George S. Patton III (sometimes called the 4th. It's a family history thing), the son of the guy they made the movie about, and yes, he looked, sounded, and talked a lot like his dad.

One day, he came over to visit us and talked to our small group of ten for quite some time. He said that there were four types of officers. The first was dumb and lazy. He had no real use and you gave him some useless job until you could get rid of him. The second was the guy who was smart and lazy. He usually was the best type of officer since he would figure out the fastest, most effective and easiest way to get something done. The third type was the guy who was smart and hard working. He made the best staff officer since he would plan down to the gnat's ass.

The worst type was the officer who was dumb and hard working since he didn't know when to quit!

[CatNewBee]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

A new commode for the half ass sailors out there.

.

Its for the 'eat the half diet' gals...

[Jdege]

I've heard that attributed to Napoleon.

Intelligent/dumb
Industrious/lazy

lazy+dumb -> line officer
industrious+intelligent -> staff officer
lazy+intelligent -> command
industrious+dumb -> drum out of the service

[GordMay]

[Eigenvector]

Funny But Touching:
The World's Biggest *******

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FutG...ature=youtu.be

[StuM]

Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY

He said that there were four types of officers.!

The German Chief of the Army High Command, General Kurt von Hammerstein-Equord, came up with that idea in the 1930's.


I distinguish four types. There are clever, hardworking, stupid, and lazy officers. Usually two characteristics are combined. Some are clever and hardworking; their place is the General Staff. The next ones are stupid and lazy; they make up 90 percent of every army and are suited to routine duties. Anyone who is both clever and lazy is qualified for the highest leadership duties, because he possesses the mental clarity and strength of nerve necessary for difficult decisions. One must beware of anyone who is both stupid and hardworking; he must not be entrusted with any responsibility because he will always only cause damage.

[delmarrey]

A priest went to visit Fred, one of his members of his church, who was dying from throat cancer. Fred was asleep when the priest arrived so he sat down next to the bedside table.
The priest noticed a bowl of almonds sitting on the table so he looked around then took a few.
After awhile Fred started waking up. In the meantime the priest had consumed the whole bowl of almonds.
Fred noticed the priest and said ”Hi”
The priest asked Fred “ I hope you don’t mind but a took all your almonds”
Fred said “That’s alright. I already sucked the chocolate off of them”.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

Funny But Touching:
The World's Biggest *******

They left us hanging!

Who got his arsehole?

[LakeSuperior]

The lights in my house just went out, so I have to call an electrician....

I am unable to deal with the current situation..

[LakeSuperior]

I once knew a lumberjack with a Ph.D.

He was a smart feller.

[LakeSuperior]

And now for an end of all pain...


A couple go to a bar during karaoke night and they hear a man sing the most beautiful cover of Stairway to Heaven they had ever heard. Since they were planning their wedding at this time, they approach the man after his performance.

"Wow, that was an amazing cover! Would you like to come perform at the reception of our wedding?" they ask him.

"I would love to! As a matter of fact, I'm an officer of the court too, so I could even wed you two in the same day!" he replied.

So it was settled, and the man showed up to their wedding, and wed the two together. Everything was going just perfect until the reception... Ever song the man sang was just horrendous, he was off key in every verse, and at some points even forgot the lyrics. The moral of the story is, never book a judge by his cover.

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by StuM

The German Chief of the Army High Command, General Kurt von Hammerstein-Equord, came up with that idea in the 1930's.

I distinguish four types. There are clever, hardworking, stupid, and lazy officers. Usually two characteristics are combined. Some are clever and hardworking; their place is the General Staff. The next ones are stupid and lazy; they make up 90 percent of every army and are suited to routine duties. Anyone who is both clever and lazy is qualified for the highest leadership duties, because he possesses the mental clarity and strength of nerve necessary for difficult decisions. One must beware of anyone who is both stupid and hardworking; he must not be entrusted with any responsibility because he will always only cause damage.

I suspect that this is a common wisdom, sort of like Voltaire's comment about perfect being the enemy of the good. I believe that this is a common Italian phrase and that it has been around for quite some time.

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

The lights in my house just went out, so I have to call an electrician....

I am unable to deal with the current situation..

I got a charge out of this joke! Did you get it fixed and if so, Watt was the problem?

[Epicurean]

Can I put a news item in with the jokes?

It's just been reported that the Kiwis have been kicked out of the 2020 America's Cup. They were accused of blatant racism.

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

The lights in my house just went out, so I have to call an electrician....

I am unable to deal with the current situation..

Electricians are expensive - bet when you got his bill it was electrifying