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Old 24-10-2019, 19:02   #7006
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Re: The New Joke Thread

OK, we leave the joke thread a little loose as in things that wouldn’t be tolerated in the main threads we sort of let slide a little here, For example can you imagine how many jokes there are that don’t offend anyone, even just a little?

Anyway politics is one of those things however that should be avoided on the forum, this thread is meant to be funny and make people smile, not to tick them off, and unfortunately even some political jokes that are in fact funny to many, offend others to a great degree.
So maybe while the “cute” ones slide by, lets avoid the ones that could be considered mean and degrading.

Think of political jokes like racists jokes, neither belongs here.

This isn’t something to discuss by the way, it’s just the way it is.
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Old 24-10-2019, 19:09   #7007
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by senormechanico View Post
Post 'em and let the fur fly !

See what happens?

I don't even have to post them and they disappear!

LOL
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Old 24-10-2019, 20:02   #7008
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 24-10-2019, 21:58   #7009
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 24-10-2019, 22:45   #7010
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Re: The New Joke Thread

She's dressed as a pumpkin, right...???
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Old 25-10-2019, 00:58   #7011
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 25-10-2019, 12:32   #7012
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Peter really had troubles with women, you know. Actually, he murdered the first two of his three wives. A dark and dangerous man, indeed!

Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn't keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell
And there he kept her very well.

Peter Peter, job chimney sweeper,
Had that wife but couldn't keep her.
Had another, didn't love her,
Up the chimney he did shove her.

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
Had yet another, still didn't love her;
But Peter learned to read and spell,
And then he loved her very well.




Here's an old Scotish version of the 2nd wife's death:

Peter, my neeper,
Had a wife,
And he couidna' keep her,
He pat her i' the wa',
And lat a' the mice eat her.



Note: Scots have a different sense of rhyming than do the English.
Something to do with Hadrian's Wall, I would guess.


(Slinks offstage to catcalls and tomatoes.... but no pumpkin seeds.)
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Old 25-10-2019, 12:44   #7013
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Peter really had troubles with women, you know. Actually, he murdered the first two of his three wives. A dark and dangerous man, indeed!

Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn't keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell
And there he kept her very well.

Peter Peter, job chimney sweeper,
Had that wife but couldn't keep her.
Had another, didn't love her,
Up the chimney he did shove her.

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
Had yet another, still didn't love her;
But Peter learned to read and spell,
And then he loved her very well.




Here's an old Scotish version of the 2nd wife's death:

Peter, my neeper,
Had a wife,
And he couidna' keep her,
He pat her i' the wa',
And lat a' the mice eat her.



Note: Scots have a different sense of rhyming than do the English.
Something to do with Hadrian's Wall, I would guess.


(Slinks offstage to catcalls and tomatoes.... but no pumpkin seeds.)
I think the Scots have a very straight forward approach to messaging

To a mouse by Robbie Burns

Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim’rous beastie,

O, what a panic’s in thy breastie!

Thou need na start awa sae hasty,

********* Wi’ bickerin brattle!

I wad be laith to rin an’ chase thee

********* Wi’ murd’ring pattle!


*sorry Man’s dominion

Has broken Nature’s social union,

An’ justifies that ill opinion,

********* Which makes thee startle,

At me, thy poor, earth-born companion,

********* An’ fellow-mortal!


I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve;

What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!

A daimen-icker in a thrave

********* ’S a sma’ request:

I’ll get a blessin wi’ the lave,

********* An’ never miss ’t!


Thy wee-bit housie, too, in ruin!

It’s silly wa’s the win’s are strewin!

An’ naething, now, to big a new ane,

********* O’ foggage green!

An’ bleak December’s winds ensuin,

********* Baith snell an’ keen!


Thou saw the fields laid bare an’ waste,

An’ weary Winter comin fast,

An’ cozie here, beneath the blast,

********* Thou thought to dwell,

Till crash! the cruel coulter past

********* Out thro’ thy cell.


That wee-bit heap o’ leaves an’ stibble

Has cost thee monie a weary nibble!

Now thou’s turn’d out, for a’ thy trouble,

********* But house or hald,

To thole the Winter’s sleety dribble,

********* An’ cranreuch cauld!


But Mousie, thou art no thy-lane,

In proving foresight may be vain:

The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men

********* Gang aft agley,

An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,

********* For promis’d joy!


Still, thou art blest, compar’d wi’ me!

The present only toucheth thee:

But Och! I backward cast my e’e,

********* On prospects drear!

An’ forward tho’ I canna see,

********* I guess an’ fear!
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Old 25-10-2019, 18:18   #7014
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I think it's easier to read Zee.
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Old 25-10-2019, 20:42   #7015
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Captain Bill View Post
I think it's easier to read Zee.
Captain Bill wins the forum tonight.
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Old 26-10-2019, 12:23   #7016
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Bill View Post
I think it's easier to read Zee.


Full disclosure: I really like and admire Zee, and sometimes we communicate using backchannels, but yeah. Captain Bill has a point: she does have a way with... words?
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Old 26-10-2019, 12:33   #7017
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Re: The New Joke Thread

All the best words
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Old 26-10-2019, 12:42   #7018
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Bill View Post
I think it's easier to read Zee.
Yups, definitely easier to read Zee!
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Old 26-10-2019, 12:45   #7019
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by john61ct View Post
All the best words
Careful up there on the tightrope.


Anyway, here's this:
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Old 26-10-2019, 13:44   #7020
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Re: The New Joke Thread

autoerotic asphyxiation is an apt metaphor for the political zeitgeist

fun but very risky
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