Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 02-02-2020, 22:37   #8506
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: New York, New York
Boat: Dufour Safari 27'
Posts: 1,448
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
When I was in my Officer's Advanced Course at Fort Knox, my small group instructor was friends with General George S. Patton III (sometimes called the 4th. It's a family history thing), the son of the guy they made the movie about, and yes, he looked, sounded, and talked a lot like his dad.

One day, he came over to visit us and talked to our small group of ten for quite some time. He said that there were four types of officers. The first was dumb and lazy. He had no real use and you gave him some useless job until you could get rid of him. The second was the guy who was smart and lazy. He usually was the best type of officer since he would figure out the fastest, most effective and easiest way to get something done. The third type was the guy who was smart and hard working. He made the best staff officer since he would plan down to the gnat's ass.

The worst type was the officer who was dumb and hard working since he didn't know when to quit!
__________________

ArmyDaveNY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2020, 00:12   #8507
Registered User
 
CatNewBee's Avatar

Join Date: Aug 2017
Boat: Lagoon 400S2
Posts: 2,941
Images: 3
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
A new commode for the half ass sailors out there.

.
Its for the 'eat the half diet' gals...
__________________

__________________
Lagoon 400S2 refit for cruising: LiFeYPO4, solar and electric galley...
CatNewBee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2020, 10:57   #8508
Registered User

Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 642
Re: The New Joke Thread

I've heard that attributed to Napoleon.

Intelligent/dumb
Industrious/lazy

lazy+dumb -> line officer
industrious+intelligent -> staff officer
lazy+intelligent -> command
industrious+dumb -> drum out of the service
Jdege is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2020, 13:37   #8509
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 38,198
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2020, 14:44   #8510
Registered User
 
Eigenvector's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 396
Re: The New Joke Thread

Funny But Touching:
The World's Biggest *******






__________________
==========================
Don't Tell My Mom I Work In the Oilfield,
She Thinks
I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse.
Eigenvector is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2020, 14:45   #8511
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPB
Posts: 10,276
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY View Post
He said that there were four types of officers.!
The German Chief of the Army High Command, General Kurt von Hammerstein-Equord, came up with that idea in the 1930's.


I distinguish four types. There are clever, hardworking, stupid, and lazy officers. Usually two characteristics are combined. Some are clever and hardworking; their place is the General Staff. The next ones are stupid and lazy; they make up 90 percent of every army and are suited to routine duties. Anyone who is both clever and lazy is qualified for the highest leadership duties, because he possesses the mental clarity and strength of nerve necessary for difficult decisions. One must beware of anyone who is both stupid and hardworking; he must not be entrusted with any responsibility because he will always only cause damage.
StuM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2020, 09:02   #8512
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines
Boat: Itís in French Polynesia now
Posts: 11,206
Images: 122
Re: The New Joke Thread

A priest went to visit Fred, one of his members of his church, who was dying from throat cancer. Fred was asleep when the priest arrived so he sat down next to the bedside table.
The priest noticed a bowl of almonds sitting on the table so he looked around then took a few.
After awhile Fred started waking up. In the meantime the priest had consumed the whole bowl of almonds.
Fred noticed the priest and said ”Hi”
The priest asked Fred “ I hope you don’t mind but a took all your almonds”
Fred said “That’s alright. I already sucked the chocolate off of them”.
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the mist of a storm!
delmarrey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2020, 13:11   #8513
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,049
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
Funny But Touching:
The World's Biggest *******






They left us hanging!

Who got his arsehole?
socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2020, 18:03   #8514
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,501
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

The lights in my house just went out, so I have to call an electrician....

I am unable to deal with the current situation..
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2020, 18:04   #8515
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,501
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

I once knew a lumberjack with a Ph.D.

He was a smart feller.
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2020, 18:05   #8516
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,501
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

And now for an end of all pain...


A couple go to a bar during karaoke night and they hear a man sing the most beautiful cover of Stairway to Heaven they had ever heard. Since they were planning their wedding at this time, they approach the man after his performance.

"Wow, that was an amazing cover! Would you like to come perform at the reception of our wedding?" they ask him.

"I would love to! As a matter of fact, I'm an officer of the court too, so I could even wed you two in the same day!" he replied.

So it was settled, and the man showed up to their wedding, and wed the two together. Everything was going just perfect until the reception... Ever song the man sang was just horrendous, he was off key in every verse, and at some points even forgot the lyrics. The moral of the story is, never book a judge by his cover.
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2020, 18:07   #8517
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: New York, New York
Boat: Dufour Safari 27'
Posts: 1,448
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
The German Chief of the Army High Command, General Kurt von Hammerstein-Equord, came up with that idea in the 1930's.

I distinguish four types. There are clever, hardworking, stupid, and lazy officers. Usually two characteristics are combined. Some are clever and hardworking; their place is the General Staff. The next ones are stupid and lazy; they make up 90 percent of every army and are suited to routine duties. Anyone who is both clever and lazy is qualified for the highest leadership duties, because he possesses the mental clarity and strength of nerve necessary for difficult decisions. One must beware of anyone who is both stupid and hardworking; he must not be entrusted with any responsibility because he will always only cause damage.
I suspect that this is a common wisdom, sort of like Voltaire's comment about perfect being the enemy of the good. I believe that this is a common Italian phrase and that it has been around for quite some time.
ArmyDaveNY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2020, 18:08   #8518
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: New York, New York
Boat: Dufour Safari 27'
Posts: 1,448
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
The lights in my house just went out, so I have to call an electrician....

I am unable to deal with the current situation..
I got a charge out of this joke! Did you get it fixed and if so, Watt was the problem?
ArmyDaveNY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2020, 18:32   #8519
Registered User

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Alcochete Portugal
Boat: Mumby 48
Posts: 149
Re: The New Joke Thread

Can I put a news item in with the jokes?

It's just been reported that the Kiwis have been kicked out of the 2020 America's Cup. They were accused of blatant racism.
Epicurean is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2020, 09:43   #8520
Moderator
 
carstenb's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: May 2012
Location: At sea in the pacific
Boat: Jeanneau Sun Fast 40.3
Posts: 5,305
Images: 1
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
The lights in my house just went out, so I have to call an electrician....

I am unable to deal with the current situation..
Electricians are expensive - bet when you got his bill it was electrifying
__________________

__________________
I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by

www.svcapri.com
carstenb is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:43.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.