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Old 04-04-2020, 21:51   #9256
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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What’s the definition of oxymoron?
"It is important to understand the difference between an oxymoron and a paradox. A paradox may consist of a sentence, or even a group of sentences. An oxymoron, on the other hand, is a combination of two contradictory or opposite words. A paradox seems contradictory to the general truth, but it does contain an implied truth. An oxymoron, however, may produce a dramatic effect, but does not make literal sense. Examples of oxymoron are found both in casual conversations and in literature."
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Old 04-04-2020, 22:14   #9257
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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OK, the borders will be open, but what about the rabbit fence? And won't the drop bears be hunting the bunny with the chocolate eggs?

This might be a good opportunity for a short sale on Hallmark greeting cards!

Jim
Good question Jim and I dunno the answer but the following thoughts might assist in predicting the likely outcomes.

The rabbit fence has been around for decades and it hasn't stopped the easter bunny before so I guess the bunny knows how to hop around it as necessary.

Likewise with the drop bears however please remember the drop bear population was hit hard in the recent (and unprecedented ) bush fires whereas the easter bunny was holed up underground during that stressful time.

Plus the border restrictions will still apply to the drop bears.

Go the easter bunny!

All in all, I reckon the Hallmark sale will be fizzer.
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Old 05-04-2020, 00:22   #9258
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Sometimes practicing social distancing on a boat can be really hard! Attachment 212041
A way to stay cool....
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Old 05-04-2020, 01:14   #9259
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Good question Jim and I dunno the answer but the following thoughts might assist in predicting the likely outcomes.

The rabbit fence has been around for decades and it hasn't stopped the easter bunny before so I guess the bunny knows how to hop around it as necessary.

Likewise with the drop bears however please remember the drop bear population was hit hard in the recent (and unprecedented ) bush fires whereas the easter bunny was holed up underground during that stressful time.

Plus the border restrictions will still apply to the drop bears.

Go the easter bunny!

All in all, I reckon the Hallmark sale will be fizzer.
That Easter Bunny better watch out for the virtual epidemic in Australia, Myxomatosis.
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Old 05-04-2020, 02:41   #9260
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Myxo is so yesterday... calicivirus is the one to watch for... if you are a rabbit...
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Old 05-04-2020, 03:13   #9261
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Really? I definitely enjoyed it!
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Yep, that sort of crap is not wanted here.
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Old 05-04-2020, 04:11   #9262
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus.
In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
oh i so so SO hope that is true...

cheers,
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Old 05-04-2020, 05:26   #9263
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by delmarrey
Just another attack on Trump.
Take your politics elsewhere!
Yep, that sort of crap is not wanted here.
Touche, Stu. 🤺
Thanks, Gord
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Old 05-04-2020, 05:39   #9264
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Re: The New Joke Thread

For all of our latrine layers, rationalizing loopholes to justify their desire to avoid "stay at home" advice.

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife.
She rushed in and said, “What is it, honey?”
He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort. He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left.
The wife was curious, so she asked, “What are you doing, honey?”
He shouted “I`m looking for loopholes!”



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Old 05-04-2020, 05:41   #9265
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Since no one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people are driving by the cemetery, and honking their horns, in respect.

One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”

The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by, playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does,

... and another one drives a bus.
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Old 05-04-2020, 06:09   #9266
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Touche, Stu. 🤺
Thanks, Gord
I think Gord may post what he likes even if others may not like it.
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Old 05-04-2020, 08:13   #9267
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Baby bird: Mom,why does brother's beak look different than mine?

Mother: It is a secret, so you can't tell anyone, but your brother's adapted.
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Old 05-04-2020, 08:14   #9268
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I was struggling to get my wife’s attention.

So I simply sat down and looked comfortable.

That did the trick.
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Old 05-04-2020, 08:14   #9269
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Since a lot of sports are no longer being televised as much, and some matches postponed, I've compensated by watching the birds in my yard compete over worms.

So far Cardinals 6, Blue Jays 3.
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Old 05-04-2020, 08:15   #9270
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Re: The New Joke Thread

For Gord...


Just got the results back from my Canadian citizens test.

I got an eh.
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