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Old 11-11-2020, 19:13   #13606
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Re: The New Joke Thread

did you know that....
if you put your ear to a stranger's leg, you can hear them say " wtf are you doing?"
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Old 11-11-2020, 21:50   #13607
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by AnglaisInHull View Post
Similarly, the Toyota (I think) MR2 got a few jokes in Quebec - sounds way too much like "merde".

And Pajero means w*nker in spanish
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Old 12-11-2020, 03:33   #13608
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Since three out of four small businesses fail, my recommendation is to start a large business.

Is "tired old cliche" one?
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Old 12-11-2020, 06:24   #13609
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Ontario Premiere, Doug Ford:
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Old 12-11-2020, 09:03   #13610
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Life's like a box of chocolates...if you're fat, it doesn't last as long.
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Old 12-11-2020, 09:37   #13611
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Life's like a box of chocolates...if you're fat, it doesn't last as long.
Glad that wasn't a Black Lives Matter joke
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Old 12-11-2020, 10:42   #13612
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The World's Most Politically Correct Joke

A Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, a Mormon, a Sikh, a Hare Krishna, a Buddhist, a Pagan, an Atheist, a 3rd wave feminist, a non-binary gender neutral otherkin, a transgender Black Lives Matter activist, a Jehovah's Witness and a Muslim walk into a bar that only serves gluten free, dairy free, eco friendly, carbon neutral, halal, kosher, non GM, fair trade, free range, vegan, recycled water.

Nobody said or did anything and a boring but acceptable time was had by all.
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Old 12-11-2020, 13:59   #13613
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
When I was in Indonesia I saw a drink for sale called “Pocari sweat”.
Passed on it, drinking sweat didn’t seem appealing.

Pocari Sweat is available pretty much everywhere in Japan.
It’s not bad.
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Old 12-11-2020, 17:34   #13614
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Re: The New Joke Thread

In the great days of the British Empire...ahem...when the Brits still had an empire, a new commanding officer (CO) was sent to the South African bush outpost to relieve the retiring Colonel....

After welcoming the new CO with the usual cucumber sandwiches, gin and tonic, which British protocol decrees...the retiring Colonel told the new CO " you must meet my adjutant, Captain Smithers, he's my right-hand man, and is really the strength of this unit..."

Smithers was summoned and the new CO was surprised to to meet this man, who appeared to be a three foot tall one-eyed, scabbed and pockmarked, hairless, unattractive hunchback....

"Smithers, old man, tell the new CO about yourself..."

"Well, sir, I played cricket for England, graduated with honors from Sandhurst, won the Military Cross and Bar, represented Great Britain in Olympic equestrian events and won the silver medal in the middleweight boxing division....I have a history of....."
at which point the Colonel interrupted....

"Yes, yes, never mind all that, Smithers, he can find all that in your file...."

"Tell him about the day you told the local African witchdoctor to f**k off....."
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Old 12-11-2020, 18:25   #13615
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They managed to bag six of the beasts, all with massive antlers.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane
could take only four moose.

The two lads objected strongly, 'Last year we shot six. The pilot let
us take them all and he had the same plane as yours.'.
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.

However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load
and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, 'Any idea where we are?'

Mick replied, 'yup...I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year'

cheers,
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Old 12-11-2020, 18:31   #13616
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Re: The New NEW Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by BlueH2Obound View Post
So here goes again. Had to start a new thread:

1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea".

2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".

4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.

5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

6. An American T‑shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate".

9. The Coca‑Cola name in China was first read as "Ke‑kou‑ke‑la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko‑kou‑ko‑le", translating into "happiness in the mouth".

10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball‑point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you". Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant".
Cheers!
Reminds me of building a house in a rural village Guatemala. None of our workers spoke any English (technically their Spanish wasnt very good either). "Ropa Americana" (American Clothes...shipped to Guate in bales) are cheap and plenitful in Guate, but often have sayings in them in English.

One day, one of our guys showed up in a t-shirt that had "Porn Star" embalzened across the front. He had not a clue what it said. It took a few moments to explain...then the light bulb went off! He then proudly strutted around the job site!
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Old 12-11-2020, 20:16   #13617
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 13-11-2020, 01:44   #13618
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 13-11-2020, 03:47   #13619
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by ChrisJHC View Post
Pocari Sweat is available pretty much everywhere in Japan.
It’s not bad.
Drink it when needing electrolytes.... Not sweet like Gatorade
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Old 13-11-2020, 04:23   #13620
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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