The New Joke Thread

[carstenb]

For a long time - all the americans that visited Denmark or Sweden simply had to take home a box of matches called PRIK

[Copacabana]

There's a door company in Brazil called "F*ck Portas"...

[Eigenvector]

987654321

[john540]

[a64pilot]

When I was in Indonesia I saw a drink for sale called “Pocari sweat”.
Passed on it, drinking sweat didn’t seem appealing.

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

[socaldmax]

I've got more marble jokes and more jokes about statistical (im)probability, but I'm not sure which one of those topics was the sore spot.

[Eigenvector]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I've got more marble jokes and more jokes about statistical (im)probability, but I'm not sure which one of those topics was the sore spot.

Keep ----------Chicken.

[MicHughV]

researches have discovered that when a man meets a women, he is allowed to put a marble in a jar every time he has a bit of nooky with her...
after he has married the same woman, every time he has a bit of nooky with her, he is allowed to take a marble out.....
researchers say the man will never empty that jar after he is married...

[socaldmax]

A young couple got married and since they were broke, they couldn't afford a honeymoon. The husband was very apologetic about it, so he proposed a deal to his wife - every time they had sex, he'd put a dollar in the jar and in no time at all, they'd be flying off to Hawaii for a deluxe vacation!

Things were going great at first, he put $20 in the jar that first week, then $16 the 2nd week, and it gradually slowed down to the point that after a few yrs, it was down to only $1 or $2 a week, plus birthdays and holidays.

Finally, after 40 yrs, they opened the jar and counted out $2,000 and went to HI on a very tight budget. They were walking along on Kalakaua Ave. near their hotel and the wife had stopped to look in a store window when a street walker went up to the husband 20 ft away and offered him mind blowing sex for $100. He declined her offer.

After the working girl walked away, his wife hauled off and hit him as hard as she could with her purse! "What are you hitting me for? You heard me turn her down! What else did you want me to do?!?"

"You son of a bitch!! All these years I've been giving it up to you for only $1! I coulda come over here 40 yrs ago and been making $100 a pop!!"

[JoeRobertJr]

Bob recently retired from the cloning lab, and now he doesn't know what to do with himself.

[Dave_S]

Originally Posted by BlueH2Obound

So here goes again. Had to start a new thread:

1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea".

2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".

4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.

5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

6. An American T‑shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate".

9. The Coca‑Cola name in China was first read as "Ke‑kou‑ke‑la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko‑kou‑ko‑le", translating into "happiness in the mouth".

10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball‑point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you". Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant".
Cheers!

There is a condom brand in the US called fourex. Here we have a beer called XXXX pronounced 4x, who decided to market in the US and their slogan was "got the taste for it, just can't wait for it, I can feel a 4x coming on"

[GordMay]

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six, I'll be ninety.

When I woke up this morning my wife asked me, "Did you sleep well?"
I replied, "No, I made a few mistakes."

[JoeRobertJr]

Originally Posted by GordMay

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six, I'll be ninety. "

Wouldn't you only be 32 at 6?
2-2
3-4
4-8
5-16
6-32

Perhaps, "...by the time I'm 7, I'll be 64!"