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Old 20-09-2020, 00:51   #12676
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The acronyms of "Wife" and "Husband":

His view:

Washing
Ironing
F***ing
Etc….

Handy
Useful
Sensible
Brave
Altruistic
Noble
Dashing

Her view:

World-weary
Intelligent
Female
Educator

Hopelessly
Unworthy
Stupid
Bastard;
Abilities
Nohoper
Debatable
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Old 20-09-2020, 01:02   #12677
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by El Pinguino View Post
The acronyms of "Wife" and "Husband":
Round
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever spinning reel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon

Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes of it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind !


(At least you got the "n" this time round)
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Old 20-09-2020, 01:04   #12678
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Re: The New Joke Thread

But wait...there's more where that came from....

Why is walking into a bar like eating furniture..???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
It's hard to avoid passing a stool......
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Old 20-09-2020, 05:50   #12679
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Re: The New Joke Thread



FYI, this is complete nonsense. The keyboard in that hardware had no visibility into what memory any running programs were seeking, nor any ability to ‘reset’ any program’s loops. Cute story if you don’t know the first thing about computer architecture I guess.

Oops is this a joke thread?
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Old 20-09-2020, 11:02   #12680
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Round
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever spinning reel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon

Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes of it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind !


(At least you got the "n" this time round)
Wow, I had forgotten that song! Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway playing chess. Who knew chess was sexy!
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Old 20-09-2020, 16:00   #12681
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 20-09-2020, 16:01   #12682
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 20-09-2020, 16:25   #12683
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I believe this my have been previously posted but I enjoyed it enough to post again, enjoy.


A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, “Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.”

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He was a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. Things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”

Cabbie: “There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. And, he never, ever forgot to put the seat down. He wasn't like me,” he continued. “I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow, some guy, then.”

Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I made the mistake of marrying his widow.”
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Old 21-09-2020, 03:55   #12684
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A graduate with a science degree asks: 'Why does it work?'
A graduate with an engineering degree asks: 'How does it work?'
A graduate with an accounting degree asks: 'How much will it cost?'
A graduate with an arts degree asks: 'Do you want fries with that?'

If it’s green or wriggles, it’s biology.
If it stinks, it’s chemistry.
If it doesn’t work, it’s physics or engineering.
If it’s green and wiggles and stinks and still doesn’t work, it’s psychology.
If it’s incomprehensible, it’s mathematics.
If it puts you to sleep, it’s statistics.
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Old 21-09-2020, 17:09   #12685
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Old 21-09-2020, 17:10   #12686
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Old 21-09-2020, 17:10   #12687
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Old 21-09-2020, 17:11   #12688
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Old 21-09-2020, 17:12   #12689
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Old 21-09-2020, 17:13   #12690
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