The New Joke Thread

[twohapence]

Originally Posted by StuM

Maybe it's time for "The New New Joke Thread"

Does that mean we'd get new jokes?

[sailormed]

Originally Posted by Jdege

One day Lena stops Ole and tells him that the outhouse is full and he has to do something about it. ......
.....
....Lena is a little shaken up but responds .... "Yes Ole, I am fine.......but I have to tell you, I'm sure glad I didn't let that one go in the house!"

Based on a true story. When I was following a week long training in the commando unit of the dutch armed forces there was a sergeant who had climbed up through the ranks for the second time. Second time, yes.

He was a sergeant the first time when he received the task of emptying the "outhouse". He did this in effect by throwing a stick of dynamite in the digged out reservoir. The tank was indeed empty after his cleaning, but the contents were spread out in a uniform coat of brown color over the whole camp,

The CO was not amused and the sergeant was demoted for this heroic act.
So he could start climbing again. But his speedy outhouse cleaning story is now a classic of the unit.

[Quebramar]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Computer Science logic.

Must be from the same manufacturer that instructed users «*Press start to shut down the computer*» [emoji15]

[CatNewBee]

Originally Posted by Quebramar

Must be from the same manufacturer that instructed users «*Press start to shut down the computer*» [emoji15]

He is in the vaccine business now...
At least, experienced with computer virusses, so what could possibly go wrong?
More fun for the doctors.

[Dreaming Yachtsman]

Originally Posted by twohapence

Does that mean we'd get new jokes?

Perhaps posters to the New New Joke Thread could abide by two basic principles to help keep the thread under control:

1. Avoid repeats by performing a search for unique key words before posting
2. Keep the non-joke posts to an absolute minimum (exception example: Moderator warnings of inappropriateness)

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by markpierce

Over 12,000 posts beginning from 15 years ago. How is this thread new!

"The Joke Thread" started 13yr ago tomorrow and ran 4795 posts plus however many were deleted. It was then closed for reasons I am not aware of.
https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...ead-10204.html

Since this can't be the Joke thread it must be something else. Hence the New Joke Thread.

[Jdege]

WHY ‘KEYBOARD NOT FOUND, PRESS F1 TO CONTINUE’ ISN’T DUMB FOR THE REASON YOU THINK IT IS

And that’s why it was so important to have a keyboard plugged in way back when. It wasn’t a dumb error, this was a leftover chunk of computer history that stuck around for a few years after the original bug it addressed had been fixed. But… the original fix for the bug was far from stupid like anyone who’s seen that message has suspected, far from it. It was a kinda crazy smart hack if you think about it. Maybe it’s not stupid if it works.

[LakeSuperior]

I just saw some idiot at the gym.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

[LakeSuperior]

What's a piece of lingerie that reveals more skin than the wearer consciously desired to show?

A Freudian slip.

[LakeSuperior]

I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house.

He refused.

[LakeSuperior]

Why did the chicken of destiny cross the road?

Robert Frost, "To cross the road less traveled by."

Johann Friedrich von Goethe, "The eternal hen-principle made it do it."

Ralph Waldo Emerson, "It didn't cross the road; it TRANSCENDED it."


... Ernest Hemingway (whispers), "To die. In the rain."

[MicHughV]

two hunters are out in the African bush, hunting big game
One decides he needs to take a leak and steps behind a tree to do this thing, when a black mamba descends from the tree and bites him on the end of his manhood.
"quick" he asks his friend " find help" !!!
The friend finds a local village and consults with the local witchdoctor , who advises him the only course of action to save his friends life is to suck the poison out or he will die.

The friend rushes back to find his friend writhing on the ground and explains he found a witchdoctor who told him what to do.

"well" what did the witchdoctor have to say" the stricken man asks...???

his friend replies" you are going to die"....

[Jon Hacking]

Originally Posted by StuM

And wil someone please tell the yanks that it's:
cArAmel, not carmel.

Will probably only happen when the Aussies learn to pronounce their Rs, as in CaiRns, or MelbouRne...

[El Pinguino]

Since when was there an 'R' in either Kens or Melbun?

[goguygo]

DahWin!


and based on that Lone Ranger/Tonto suck out the venom remix, perhaps it is time to start a New New Joke thread.
I'm gonna first in with some Jello jokes.