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Old 18-09-2020, 23:53   #12661
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by StuM View Post
Maybe it's time for "The New New Joke Thread"


Does that mean we'd get new jokes?
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Old 19-09-2020, 02:09   #12662
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Jdege View Post
One day Lena stops Ole and tells him that the outhouse is full and he has to do something about it. ......
.....
....Lena is a little shaken up but responds .... "Yes Ole, I am fine.......but I have to tell you, I'm sure glad I didn't let that one go in the house!"
Based on a true story. When I was following a week long training in the commando unit of the dutch armed forces there was a sergeant who had climbed up through the ranks for the second time. Second time, yes.

He was a sergeant the first time when he received the task of emptying the "outhouse". He did this in effect by throwing a stick of dynamite in the digged out reservoir. The tank was indeed empty after his cleaning, but the contents were spread out in a uniform coat of brown color over the whole camp,

The CO was not amused and the sergeant was demoted for this heroic act.
So he could start climbing again. But his speedy outhouse cleaning story is now a classic of the unit.
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Old 19-09-2020, 07:00   #12663
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Computer Science logic.



Must be from the same manufacturer that instructed users «*Press start to shut down the computer*»
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Old 19-09-2020, 08:18   #12664
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Must be from the same manufacturer that instructed users «*Press start to shut down the computer*»
He is in the vaccine business now...
At least, experienced with computer virusses, so what could possibly go wrong?
More fun for the doctors.
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Old 19-09-2020, 11:11   #12665
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by twohapence View Post
Does that mean we'd get new jokes?
Perhaps posters to the New New Joke Thread could abide by two basic principles to help keep the thread under control:
  1. Avoid repeats by performing a search for unique key words before posting
  2. Keep the non-joke posts to an absolute minimum (exception example: Moderator warnings of inappropriateness)
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Old 19-09-2020, 11:33   #12666
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by markpierce View Post
Over 12,000 posts beginning from 15 years ago. How is this thread new!
"The Joke Thread" started 13yr ago tomorrow and ran 4795 posts plus however many were deleted. It was then closed for reasons I am not aware of.
https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...ead-10204.html

Since this can't be the Joke thread it must be something else. Hence the New Joke Thread.
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Old 19-09-2020, 11:44   #12667
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Re: The New Joke Thread

WHY ‘KEYBOARD NOT FOUND, PRESS F1 TO CONTINUE’ ISN’T DUMB FOR THE REASON YOU THINK IT IS
Quote:
And that’s why it was so important to have a keyboard plugged in way back when. It wasn’t a dumb error, this was a leftover chunk of computer history that stuck around for a few years after the original bug it addressed had been fixed. But… the original fix for the bug was far from stupid like anyone who’s seen that message has suspected, far from it. It was a kinda crazy smart hack if you think about it. Maybe it’s not stupid if it works.
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Old 19-09-2020, 13:05   #12668
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I just saw some idiot at the gym.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
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Old 19-09-2020, 13:05   #12669
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What's a piece of lingerie that reveals more skin than the wearer consciously desired to show?

A Freudian slip.
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Old 19-09-2020, 13:06   #12670
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house.

He refused.
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Old 19-09-2020, 13:07   #12671
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Why did the chicken of destiny cross the road?

Robert Frost, "To cross the road less traveled by."

Johann Friedrich von Goethe, "The eternal hen-principle made it do it."

Ralph Waldo Emerson, "It didn't cross the road; it TRANSCENDED it."


... Ernest Hemingway (whispers), "To die. In the rain."
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Old 19-09-2020, 17:10   #12672
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Re: The New Joke Thread

two hunters are out in the African bush, hunting big game
One decides he needs to take a leak and steps behind a tree to do this thing, when a black mamba descends from the tree and bites him on the end of his manhood.
"quick" he asks his friend " find help" !!!
The friend finds a local village and consults with the local witchdoctor , who advises him the only course of action to save his friends life is to suck the poison out or he will die.

The friend rushes back to find his friend writhing on the ground and explains he found a witchdoctor who told him what to do.

"well" what did the witchdoctor have to say" the stricken man asks...???

his friend replies" you are going to die"....
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Old 19-09-2020, 22:13   #12673
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
And wil someone please tell the yanks that it's:
cArAmel, not carmel.
Will probably only happen when the Aussies learn to pronounce their Rs, as in CaiRns, or MelbouRne...
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Old 19-09-2020, 22:19   #12674
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Since when was there an 'R' in either Kens or Melbun?
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Old 20-09-2020, 00:39   #12675
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Re: The New Joke Thread

DahWin!


and based on that Lone Ranger/Tonto suck out the venom remix, perhaps it is time to start a New New Joke thread.
I'm gonna first in with some Jello jokes.
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