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Old 07-07-2020, 10:53   #11656
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is a strictly ..... mathematical viewpoint... and it goes like this:

What Makes 100% ?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. Its the ******** and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now you know why Politicians are where they are!



Have you ever seen a better explanation than this formula..............
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Old 07-07-2020, 11:53   #11657
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Re: The New Joke Thread

yes, math....a wonderful tool....figures never lie...

so if 1 ship takes 7 days to cross an ocean..7 ships can do it in 1 day...my math professor at varsity at told me this...so it must be true...
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Old 07-07-2020, 15:37   #11658
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 07-07-2020, 15:37   #11659
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Old 07-07-2020, 15:39   #11660
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Old 07-07-2020, 15:39   #11661
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Old 08-07-2020, 06:54   #11662
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Everyday Covid-19 check:

At 5pm...promptly....open the rum bottle and "smell" it.

If you can " smell" it, you are not affected.

Following the successful " smell" taste, pour some in a glass and "taste" it.

If you can " taste" it, you have passed the C-19 test with flying colors...
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Old 08-07-2020, 07:13   #11663
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Why wait until 5pm to get your test results?

I do that every morning before breakfast.
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Old 08-07-2020, 07:25   #11664
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Re: The New Joke Thread

It also desinfects yout mouth after wearing the mask all day.
It's like hand sanitizer for the tongue.
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Old 08-07-2020, 07:34   #11665
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Re: The New Joke Thread

After successfully meeting a new young lady at a bar, I wake up looking like a glazed donut. That's when I need to sanitize my tongue.
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Old 08-07-2020, 12:01   #11666
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Re: The New Joke Thread

after 25 years of heavy smoking and drinking . I quit. Now when Dr. asks if I drink or smoke I say NO I quit 20 years ago. Now he wants to treat me for depression.
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Old 08-07-2020, 12:54   #11667
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Re: The New Joke Thread

... when icons replace words... Click image for larger version

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Old 08-07-2020, 13:44   #11668
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Every time I have a beer, my wife nags me, telling me I drink too much.

I mean come on, who needs to hear that nine or ten times a day?
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Old 08-07-2020, 13:45   #11669
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My friend and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects.

Itís a small scale operation.
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Old 08-07-2020, 13:48   #11670
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A man smelling of alcohol and weed sat next to a priest on a bus. The manís clothes were ragged and dirty, there was pink lipstick on his collar, and an almost empty bottle of rum stuck out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes he turned to the priest and said, "Tell me Father, do you happen to know what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My son, it's caused by sinful behavior. It's from spending time with prostitutes, abusing alcohol and drugs, an unclean body and mind, and disrespect for others."

ďDamn,Ē replied the drunk before returning to his paper.

After a few moments and thinking about what he said, the priest tapped the man on the shoulder and apologized for being too stern. Trying to be empathetic, he asked the man how long he has had arthritis.

The man answered, "I don't have it. I just read here that the Pope suffers from it."
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