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Old 30-06-2020, 08:59   #11551
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 30-06-2020, 11:34   #11552
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Re: The New Joke Thread

THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE. PLEASE NOTE THAT SHE ASKS SEVEN QUESTIONS, WHICH HE ANSWERS QUITE SIMPLY. BUT THEN SHE IS SPEECHLESS IN TRYING
TO RESPOND TO ONLY ONE QUESTION FROM HIM.

Wife: DO YOU DRINK BEER?
Husband: YES

Wife : HOW MANY BEERS A DAY?
Husband: USUALLY ABOUT THREE.

Wife: HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY PER BEER?
Husband: $5.00 WHICH INCLUDES A TIP (THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY!)

Wife: AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?
Husband: ABOUT 20 YEARS, I SUPPOSE.

Wife: SO A BEER COSTS $5 AND YOU HAVE THREE BEERS A DAY WHICH PUTS YOUR SPENDING EACH MONTH AT $450. IN ONE YEAR, IT WOULD BE APPROXIMATELY $5400 CORRECT?
Husband: CORRECT!

Wife: IF IN 1 YEAR YOU SPEND $5400, NOT ACCOUNTING FOR INFLATION, THE PAST 20 YEARS PUTS YOUR SPENDING AT $108,000 CORRECT?
Husband: CORRECT!

Wife: DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DIDN'T DRINK SO MUCH BEER, THAT MONEY COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN A STEP-UP INTEREST SAVINGS ACCOUNT AND AFTER ACCOUNTING FOR COMPOUND INTEREST FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS, YOU COULD HAVE NOW BOUGHT AN AIRPLANE?

Husband: DO YOU DRINK BEER?
Wife: NO.

Husband: WHERE'S YOUR AIRPLANE?
Wife:...
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Old 30-06-2020, 20:45   #11553
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Old 01-07-2020, 05:12   #11554
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 01-07-2020, 08:10   #11555
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisr View Post

If you get an email with the subject "knock, knock" don't open it. It's a Jehovah's witness working from home.
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Old 01-07-2020, 08:52   #11556
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I visited a strange, small shop on my trip to Egypt...

They had some really weird goods for sale. But honestly, the whole thing was just a little bazaar.
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Old 01-07-2020, 08:53   #11557
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My morbidly obese parrot finally died recently.

It was really sad, but it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
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Old 01-07-2020, 08:54   #11558
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.

She clearly isnít a fan of wearing protection!
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Old 01-07-2020, 12:45   #11559
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Old 01-07-2020, 13:14   #11560
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Re: The New Joke Thread

PHOTO-2020-07-01.pdf
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Old 01-07-2020, 17:16   #11561
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Old 01-07-2020, 17:31   #11562
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by MicHughV View Post

PDF link? Now that's a really weird way to post a joke!
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Old 01-07-2020, 17:32   #11563
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Re: The New Joke Thread

As I scrolled down, I expected to see a shovel....!!
[For digging the gold...]
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Old 02-07-2020, 00:46   #11564
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Re: The New Joke Thread

And on the subject of crazy marriages...
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Old 02-07-2020, 02:59   #11565
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Re: The New Joke Thread

We decided to skip the special...Click image for larger version

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