One for all you Kiwis
DIARY OF A NEW ZEALANDER IN QUEENSLAND.
AUGUST 31 - Just transferred with to our new home in Brisbane
. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful,
sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a
deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found
my new home. I love it here.
SEPTEMBER 13 - Really heating
up now. It got to 31 today. No problem
though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
SEPTEMBER 30TH - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants
today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here...
OCTOBER 10TH - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do
people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy
though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than
OCTOBER 15TH - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree
burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days of work
. What a dumb
thing to do! Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
OCTOBER 20TH - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the Mazda
before I left for work
this morning. By the time I got back to the car
after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping
bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes
and cat ****. I've earned my lesson though: no more pets
in this heat.
OCTOBER 25 - This wind
is a bastard. It feels like a giant ****in'
blow dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the
blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me
he needs to order parts
from ****in' Sydney
OCTOBER 30TH - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts
haven't arrived for the ****in' aircon. Been sleeping outside by the
pool for three nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go
inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
NOVEMBER 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and
gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes
it feel about 30. Stupid repairman.
NOVEMBER 8 - If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?'
I'm going to ****in' throttle him. ****in' heat! By the time I get to
work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking
****in' wet and I smell like baked cat!
NOVEMBER 9 Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and
sat on the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my
****in' arse was on fire. I lost
two layers of flesh, all the hair on
the backs of my legs and my ****in' arse. Now the car smells like
burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat!
NOVEMBER 10 - Weather
report! It might as well be a ****in'
recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and ****in' sunny! It's
been too hot to do anything for two ****in' months and the weatherman
says it might really warm up next week.
NOVEMBER 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn ****in' place? Water
restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry
up and blow into the ****in' pool. The only things that thrive in this
hell-hole are the ****in' flies. You don't dare open your mouth for
fear of swallowing half a dozen of the ****ers!
NOVEMBER 20TH - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 ****in' degrees today.
Now the air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix
it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I had to spend the $2,500
mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid
****er. ****in' Brisbane! What kind of sick, demented ****in' idiot
would want to live here!
DECEMBER 1 -
The first day of Summer!!!!
You are ****in' kidding!