Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 28-06-2017, 20:11   #2401
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,062
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by john61ct View Post
Bonnie Caputo is a good friend, in 1973 one of the first jumbo pilots, and a top-notch driver.

That cr^p just isn't funny, and not just cause it's offensive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by john61ct View Post
Oh boo hoo wadayalike 9? Grow a pair

OK, now THAT is funny!

__________________

socaldmax is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 30-06-2017, 07:31   #2402
Registered User

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 357
Re: The New Joke Thread

On topic:
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	19642487_1259883837470675_1209894045479134454_n.jpg
Views:	170
Size:	53.9 KB
ID:	150945  
__________________

__________________
Herreshoff preferred Multi's...........
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." A. Lincoln
PhiSig1071 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30-06-2017, 11:05   #2403
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
You know you’re old when your friends kids start having kids on purpose.

There, fixed it for you.
True.
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30-06-2017, 11:40   #2404
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

When it comes to what people post that they think funny....
Attached Images
 
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30-06-2017, 11:41   #2405
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

When it comes to people's OPINIONS about other's attempts at humor....
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	I Dont Care.jpg
Views:	161
Size:	4.6 KB
ID:	150961  
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30-06-2017, 12:49   #2406
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the hard due to wife's medical condition.
Boat: Sold, alas, because life happens.
Posts: 1,832
Re: The New Joke Thread

It's the start of a brand new day and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

Anybody heard from George lately? Because man, that guy disappears like, well, "like the shadow thrown by a passing cloud", "like a tale that is told". {Note 1} Like you know what I mean? Like, yeah? So anyway, down to the pub and reminiscing about stuff George babbled 'bout when the beers kicked in. Because George, he says things like:



"My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not."
***

"It is important to make breaks between individual exercises.
I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years."
***

"Sometimes I drink water - just to surprise my liver."
***

"Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble."
***

"Organized people are simply too lazy to search for stuff."
***

"On the internet you can be anything you want.
Strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
***

"A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people."
***

"They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes.
I did the math. Seems I died in 1543."
***


"... and out of the chaos, a sentence came to me:

"Laugh and be happy, it could be worse!"

... and so I laughed and was happy and it really became worse."
***

"If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level."
***


And oh, by the way...
When somebody doesn’t quite get something about the George stuff:

I’m sorry, but I have neither the patience nor the coloring crayons to explain this to you.






Note 1: Charles Dickens; Simeon Ford.

Note 2: Puns? What puns?
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry.
Laughter is the salve that keeps reality from scaring.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30-06-2017, 21:32   #2407
Registered User
 
hafa's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Saipan
Boat: Hunter Legend 40.1
Posts: 264
Re: The New Joke Thread

*PARAPROSDOKIAN SENTENCES*


*I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.*

*Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.*

*I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.*

*Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.*

*The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.*

*Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.*

*If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.*

*We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.*

*War does not determine who is right - only who is left.*

*Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.*

*The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.*

*Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.*

*To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.*

*A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.*

*How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?*

*Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.*

*Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.*

*I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.*

*A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.*

*Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR”.*

*I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.*

*I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said
"Implants?”*

*Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?*

*Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.*

*Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?*

*Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.*

*A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.*

*You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.*

*The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!*

*Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.*

*A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.*

*Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.*

*Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.*

*I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.*

*Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.*

*There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.*

*I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.*

*I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.*

*When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.*

*You're never too old to learn something stupid.*

*To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.*

*Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.*

*Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.*

*A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.*

*If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?*

*Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.*
hafa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2017, 05:33   #2408
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Switzerland
Boat: So many boats to choose from. Would prefer something that is not an AWB, and that is beachable...
Posts: 1,311
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by hafa View Post
*Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.*


http://www.thekitchn.com/were-gonna-...t-salad-234151
K_V_B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2017, 11:36   #2409
Registered User

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 357
Re: The New Joke Thread

Does that make ketchup a smoothie?
__________________
Herreshoff preferred Multi's...........
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." A. Lincoln
PhiSig1071 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2017, 11:53   #2410
cruiser

Join Date: Jan 2017
Boat: Retired from CF
Posts: 13,304
Re: The New Joke Thread

I've made Bloody Mary "smoothies", very refreshing.

Key ingredients are horseradish, lemon juice and celery, along with the usual worcestershire and cracked peppercorns, also a better quality chili pepper sauce than plain Tabasco.

Cracked ice in the gazpacho when it's real hot out is nice too.

Sorry none of this is funny, so:

My wife doesn't like spicy food, and I think it's a cayenne shame.
john61ct is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2017, 14:32   #2411
Registered User
 
Therapy's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: 28 yo Jon boat still
Posts: 7,025
Images: 4
Re: The New Joke Thread

I have asked more than 100 women what soap they prefer to use while showering and the most common reply is:

HOW THE FARK DID YOU GET IN HERE!!
__________________
Who knows what is next.
Therapy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2017, 17:13   #2412
Registered User
 
ontherocks83's Avatar

Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Warwick RI
Boat: Catalina 30
Posts: 1,874
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by john61ct View Post
I've made Bloody Mary "smoothies", very refreshing.

Key ingredients are horseradish, lemon juice and celery, along with the usual worcestershire and cracked peppercorns, also a better quality chili pepper sauce than plain Tabasco.

Cracked ice in the gazpacho when it's real hot out is nice too.

Sorry none of this is funny, so:

My wife doesn't like spicy food, and I think it's a cayenne shame.
Have you tried it with cholulas hot sauce;? Its one of my favorites
__________________
-Si Vis Pacem Parabellum
-Molon Labe
ontherocks83 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2017, 05:52   #2413
Registered User
 
hafa's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Saipan
Boat: Hunter Legend 40.1
Posts: 264
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by john61ct View Post
...Key ingredients are horseradish, lemon juice and celery, along with the usual worcestershire and cracked peppercorns, also a better quality chili pepper sauce than plain Tabasco...
Wait! Where's the vodka? Not to disparage with a Smirnoff campaign...
hafa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2017, 13:39   #2414
Registered User

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 357
Re: The New Joke Thread

Yo Ho, Yo ho..........
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	19756388_10213420809773522_8637208632955893557_n.jpg
Views:	273
Size:	75.7 KB
ID:	151294  
__________________
Herreshoff preferred Multi's...........
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." A. Lincoln
PhiSig1071 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2017, 14:37   #2415
Moderator
 
Jim Cate's Avatar

Join Date: May 2008
Location: cruising SW Pacific
Boat: Jon Sayer 1-off 46 ft fract rig sloop strip plank in W Red Cedar
Posts: 16,514
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by PhiSig1071 View Post
Yo Ho, Yo ho..........
Well, whaddya know? Something funny and not racist, derogatory, sexist, prurient or loaded with nasty words.

Well done!

Jim
__________________

__________________
Jim and Ann s/v Insatiable II lying Port Cygnet again, freezing our bums off.
Jim Cate is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 23:39.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.