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Old 21-11-2016, 02:07   #1801
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Cate View Post
Aww come on guys, this is a sailing forum.

BMW= Boat Maintenance Worker (ie, all of us)

Jim
Yep, and to think that BMW used to make marine engines, or at least marinised versions of their engines.

The thought gives me cold shivers.
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Old 21-11-2016, 07:10   #1802
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Volvo
Very Often Leaves Victims Offshore.

Yanmar
Yikes, Another Nightmare Marine Authorized Receipt

Hey, you can just make these up!
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Old 21-11-2016, 11:23   #1803
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Re: The New Joke Thread

An old sailer at the the age of 90 was out to sea for a long time, when he got to shore, he was looking for the company of a beautiful woman , so he went to the local house of ill repute, he paid the lady and went up stairs and crawled into to bed with her, a few minutes later he looks at her and says" how am I doing my darlin?"
She answers" about three knots"
What do you mean he says?
She says" your not hard", "your not in" and your not getting your money back!!!!!!
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Old 21-11-2016, 11:37   #1804
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?


Well, most of the time you just get a funny looking vegetable with big ears.


But every once in awhile, just every once in awhile, you'll get a piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
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Old 21-11-2016, 13:10   #1805
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Re: The New Joke Thread

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Californians don't screw in light bulbs. They screw in hot tubs.

How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, and he doesn't have to turn it, because after all, the whole world revolves around him.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the light bulb has to really want to change.

How many New York union electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Eighteen. You got a problem with that?

How many Air Force aviation mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
One, and the labor's free, but the Bulb, electric, light emitting, type WS-RFF-23A costs $3,218.43.
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Old 21-11-2016, 13:46   #1806
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by chris mac View Post
A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street when they see the brunette's boyfriend in a florist shop buying a dozen roses.
After passing the store the brunette complains, now I have to spend the night on my back with my legs in the air!!
After a moment the blonde replies, why don't you just put the roses in a vase instead?
oh man I about spit out my coffee with that one
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Old 21-11-2016, 15:13   #1807
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by GILow View Post
Yep, and to think that BMW used to make marine engines, or at least marinised versions of their engines.

The thought gives me cold shivers.
Thread drift warning!

Matt, our previous boat had a BMW D-35 diesel. When we sold the boat it had over 6000 hours on it, still running well Only probs had been from raw water cooling... salt buildup in passages.

IMO, an excellent engine

So, I guess I was a BMW W'ing on a BMW at times...

Jim
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Old 21-11-2016, 18:41   #1808
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This is a physical joke, but...
Knock knock. Whose there? Answer. Gestapo. Gestapo who? Answer. Hard smack to the face. We Will Ask The Questions Here!

Sent from my SM-T230NU using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app
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Old 21-11-2016, 18:49   #1809
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What do you get when you cross a rhino and an elephant?
'Elephino.
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Old 22-11-2016, 00:13   #1810
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by goat View Post
Volvo
Very Often Leaves Victims Offshore.

Yanmar
Yikes, Another Nightmare Marine Authorized Receipt

Hey, you can just make these up!
Okay, I'll try:

Westerbeke
What Even Sometimes Takes... Oh, I give up.
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Old 22-11-2016, 00:26   #1811
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by jongleur View Post
Okay, I'll try:

Westerbeke
What Even Sometimes Takes... Oh, I give up.
When everything seems together, every red boat engine kills enjoyment?
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Old 22-11-2016, 01:36   #1812
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A man with a completely bald head and only one leg is invited to a
Christmas fancy dress party.

He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden
leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his
problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a
note:



Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden
leg you will be just right as a Pirate.

The man is
offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he
writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he
receives another parcel and note



Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a
monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and
with your bald head you will really look the part.

The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company
has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing
attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong
letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small
parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:



Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald
head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your a----
and go as a toffee apple.
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Old 22-11-2016, 02:07   #1813
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by goat View Post
When everything seems together, every red boat engine kills enjoyment?

Score!


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Old 22-11-2016, 11:04   #1814
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by tkeithlu View Post
BOAC pilot, now long retired, gets lost on the Hamburg taxiways. Snooty German ground controller "BOAC 1234, you have not been here before." Reply "Oh, I was here in '43, but I didn't land."
Now thats some funny stuff there!!
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Old 28-11-2016, 08:59   #1815
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Question: What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast??

Answer: A synonym roll!!
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