The New Joke Thread

[HopCar]

A64pilot, the expense of new ultralights has certainly hurt the industry since twenty year old ones are plentiful, cheap, and easy to restore. A friend of mine flys a backpack ppc. Looks like a blast and you could carry it on your boat.

[Buzzman]

I'm a fan of rotorcraft - another aircraft that is unusual and has an apparently growing following.
They are also now tecnically 'mainstream' as several makers worldwide build production versions a far cry from early 'homebuilt experimental' versions.
The one flown in Mad Max II is the most famous I know of, although an earlier one also featured in a James Bond film

[delmarrey]

Back in 1968 I worked in a shop that built, what they called, Gyrocopters back then. Now rotary wing aircraft. My first Machinist job. I still had some of the aircraft bolts up until a few years ago.

I never got interested in lightcraft due to all the accidents I heard of. Then I got into boats.

[john61ct]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Why is everybody so busy?


they're looking for me

Almost reluctant to remove the mystery, but, please, ELI5?

[GordMay]

[Eigenvector]

REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS

GENERAL
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.


ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.


PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.'
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya' sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'Yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

[socaldmax]

[StuM]

Never heard of it, so I looked up Manwich. And that led to this

https://thefederalist.com/2019/05/22...-manwichs-sex/


Hunt’s, the company known for making various preserved tomato products like ketchup and tomato sauce, has officially apologized for assuming the sex of its canned sloppy Joe mix. The company is also apologizing for the carbnormative slogan, “A sandwich is just a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.”
A spokesman for ConAgra Foods, owner of Hunt’s, says Manwich might self-identify as a man, but so far discussions have been unproductive.
“We’ve sat down with a can of Manwich on numerous occasions, but it keeps refusing to answer any of our questions, including ones about which pronouns to use,” xe said. The spokesman then apologized for using the title of spokesman before continuing, “We’d hate to deprive consumers of a product that they can make pretty easily on their own with just some tomato sauce and a few spices, but we’re reaching a point in which we may have to pull Manwich from the shelves until this situation is resolved.”
I attempted to help figure things out and give Manwich a chance to speak, but my local grocery store removed me after other shoppers complained about a “seemingly disturbed individual vigorously questioning a stack of cans.” As of publishing time, no charges have been filed.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by Therapy

..........

Ok Dad....
1 The Pizza Crusted Edge is made Round so that all the juices stay inside and don't congregate in square corners

2 The Box is made square for optimum storage, efficient transport for Delivery and the square lid easily interlocks giving you just enough finger space to wiggle out that first wedge.

3 Cutting in Triangles with a roller knife is the easiest way to dissect 8 or 10 pieces of similar size.....when Gorging....starting with the pointed part of the wedge and stuffing into your mouth so that you can delicately clean off your lips with the drier crust is breakfast heaven after an all night party.

Unfortunately, I still don't understand women, but I do appreciate their differences [emoji7]

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by john61ct

Almost reluctant to remove the mystery, but, please, ELI5?

Little girl decided to play "hide and seek" without telling her parents.
(Makes the game more fun / intense.)
They go frantic - police are called to the scene.
Chaos and massive search effort underway.
Now imagine a telemarketer makes a random phone call.
Phone rings. (Think home-use-only wireless remote.)
Girl snatches phone and slips back inside closet/box/something.
Not polite to let a phone ring unanswered. And it might draw attention.
To keep the game going she needs to be vewy vewy quiet. (As Elmer Fudd would say when hunting Wabbits.)

Hope that helped!

[john61ct]

wow, long walk.

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by john61ct

wow, long walk.

You expected snappy one-liners? From ME?!?!?!?

<sigh> Here, try these....

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Martinus."
The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Don't you mean a Martini?"
"Look," Caesar replies, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"



The past, present and future walk into a bar.
The crowd held its collective breath...
It was tense.

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by Therapy

When was a joke not a joke?

Here are a few more. The last one is what killed my Dad.

.

[Buzzman]

Well, as long as it wasn't the second one........

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

Well, as long as it wasn't the second one........

Funny. My mother owned a Colt 1911 .045
She was raised on a cattle ranch and went thru 2 world wars.
Times were more dangerous back then. People showed each other more respect rather then the hate spewed thru keyboards of today.