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Old 25-11-2019, 10:21   #7516
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Re: The New Joke Thread

An engineer is giving a lecture at the local college. The lecture hall is completely full with a line out the door of people trying to get in. From the outside of the building the audience could be heard erupting with laughter, applause, oohs and aahs, and gasps of surprise.

A man walking by sees the line out the door and hears the commotion coming from the lecture hall and decides to see what is going on. He gets as close as he can to the front and asks one of the students trying to get in what the lecture is suppose to be about.

“Well an engineer is in there, giving a speech entitled “The Mechanical Properties and Shear Strength Analysis of Joints Fastened By Means of Metallic Slugs Compressed by Pneumatic Tools” the Student replied.

The man’s mouth dropped open in disbelief, “This whole crowd and all that noise, for something that sounds like a snooze fest?” he asked.

The student replied, “Oh don’t let the name fool you. When it comes right down to it, it is simply riveting!”
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Old 25-11-2019, 10:22   #7517
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Re: The New Joke Thread

An engineer, a biologist, and a mathematician are told that 2 people walk into an empty house, and that later 3 people walk out.

The engineer says, "It's simple. There must have been an observational error, happens all the time."

The biologist says, "Ah, the two people must have been a couple and had a child."

The mathematician says, "If a person walks into the house now, then it'll be empty again."
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Old 25-11-2019, 10:23   #7518
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Re: The New Joke Thread

thief has broken into my house in the middle of the night looking for money…

I immediately jumped out of my bed and enthusiastically joined him in his search.
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Old 25-11-2019, 12:09   #7519
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanan View Post
“To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.”
– Doug Larson
Or...

"To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer."
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Old 25-11-2019, 14:58   #7520
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Ped-dan-tic
A boring parasite that inflames your senses with unnecessary verbiage
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Old 25-11-2019, 15:28   #7521
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Re Gord's Dilbert post (all politicians lie) - a photo of Boris trying to answer the question "Do you think people in your position should always tell the truth?" Apparently this is a tricky concept.


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Old 25-11-2019, 15:29   #7522
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnglaisInHull View Post
Re Gord's Dilbert post (all politicians lie) - a photo of Boris trying to answer the question "Do you think people in your position should always tell the truth?" Apparently this is a tricky concept.


Okay, the picture didn't stick. Google it.
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Old 25-11-2019, 17:22   #7523
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
Ped-dan-tic
A boring parasite that inflames your senses with unnecessary verbiage

There's only one "d" in "pedantic".


I should know, I are one
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Old 26-11-2019, 02:19   #7524
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I think we need some professional intervention

https://youtu.be/Q9BSxm0CeHk
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Old 26-11-2019, 04:15   #7525
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 26-11-2019, 05:34   #7526
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



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Old 26-11-2019, 07:07   #7527
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This turkey needs to be pardoned....
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Old 26-11-2019, 07:41   #7528
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Re: The New Joke Thread

When I was younger my parents sent me to a child psychologist.

That kid didn't help at all.
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Old 26-11-2019, 07:43   #7529
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This is a 60's reality for sure.


My son recently started bass guitar lessons. "How was your first bass lesson, son?" I asked. "Great!" He said. "I learned The E note!"

After the next lesson I asked, "How was your second bass lesson, son?" "Great! I learned the A note!" He replied.

After the next lesson I asked "How was your third bass lesson, son?"

"Couldn't make it." He said. "Had a gig."
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Old 26-11-2019, 07:44   #7530
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What's the difference between a pizza and a Liberal Arts degree?

A pizza is able to feed an entire family.
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