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25-11-2019, 09:21
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#7516
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,980
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Re: The New Joke Thread
An engineer is giving a lecture at the local college. The lecture hall is completely full with a line out the door of people trying to get in. From the outside of the building the audience could be heard erupting with laughter, applause, oohs and aahs, and gasps of surprise.
A man walking by sees the line out the door and hears the commotion coming from the lecture hall and decides to see what is going on. He gets as close as he can to the front and asks one of the students trying to get in what the lecture is suppose to be about.
“Well an engineer is in there, giving a speech entitled “The Mechanical Properties and Shear Strength Analysis of Joints Fastened By Means of Metallic Slugs Compressed by Pneumatic Tools” the Student replied.
The man’s mouth dropped open in disbelief, “This whole crowd and all that noise, for something that sounds like a snooze fest?” he asked.
The student replied, “Oh don’t let the name fool you. When it comes right down to it, it is simply riveting!”
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25-11-2019, 09:22
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#7517
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,980
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Re: The New Joke Thread
An engineer, a biologist, and a mathematician are told that 2 people walk into an empty house, and that later 3 people walk out.
The engineer says, "It's simple. There must have been an observational error, happens all the time."
The biologist says, "Ah, the two people must have been a couple and had a child."
The mathematician says, "If a person walks into the house now, then it'll be empty again."
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25-11-2019, 09:23
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#7518
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,980
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Re: The New Joke Thread
thief has broken into my house in the middle of the night looking for money…
I immediately jumped out of my bed and enthusiastically joined him in his search.
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25-11-2019, 11:09
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#7519
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Southern Maine
Boat: Prairie 36 Coastal Cruiser
Posts: 3,091
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanan
“To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.”
– Doug Larson
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Or...
"To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer."
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25-11-2019, 13:58
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#7520
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CF Adviser
Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 10,280
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Ped-dan-tic
A boring parasite that inflames your senses with unnecessary verbiage
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25-11-2019, 14:28
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#7521
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sailing Lake Ontario
Boat: Mirage 35
Posts: 1,125
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Re Gord's Dilbert post (all politicians lie) - a photo of Boris trying to answer the question "Do you think people in your position should always tell the truth?" Apparently this is a tricky concept.
__________________
Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.
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25-11-2019, 14:29
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#7522
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sailing Lake Ontario
Boat: Mirage 35
Posts: 1,125
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnglaisInHull
Re Gord's Dilbert post (all politicians lie) - a photo of Boris trying to answer the question "Do you think people in your position should always tell the truth?" Apparently this is a tricky concept.
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Okay, the picture didn't stick. Google it.
__________________
Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.
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25-11-2019, 16:22
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#7523
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Senior Cruiser
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43 and OPBs
Posts: 12,888
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Re: The New Joke Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pelagic
Ped-dan-tic
A boring parasite that inflames your senses with unnecessary verbiage
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There's only one "d" in "pedantic".
I should know, I are one
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26-11-2019, 01:19
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#7524
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CF Adviser
Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 10,280
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Re: The New Joke Thread
I think we need some professional intervention
https://youtu.be/Q9BSxm0CeHk
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26-11-2019, 03:15
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#7525
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Senior Cruiser
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 49,140
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Re: The New Joke Thread
__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"
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26-11-2019, 04:34
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#7526
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Senior Cruiser
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 49,140
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Re: The New Joke Thread
__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"
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26-11-2019, 06:07
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#7527
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines in the winters
Boat: It’s in French Polynesia now
Posts: 11,368
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Re: The New Joke Thread
This turkey needs to be pardoned....
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the midst of a storm!
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26-11-2019, 06:41
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#7528
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,980
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Re: The New Joke Thread
When I was younger my parents sent me to a child psychologist.
That kid didn't help at all.
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26-11-2019, 06:43
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#7529
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,980
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Re: The New Joke Thread
This is a 60's reality for sure.
My son recently started bass guitar lessons. "How was your first bass lesson, son?" I asked. "Great!" He said. "I learned The E note!"
After the next lesson I asked, "How was your second bass lesson, son?" "Great! I learned the A note!" He replied.
After the next lesson I asked "How was your third bass lesson, son?"
"Couldn't make it." He said. "Had a gig."
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26-11-2019, 06:44
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#7530
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,980
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Re: The New Joke Thread
What's the difference between a pizza and a Liberal Arts degree?
A pizza is able to feed an entire family.
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