Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 5 votes, 4.80 average. Display Modes
Old 15-02-2019, 17:36   #4516
Registered User
 
44'cruisingcat's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 9,210
Images: 69
Re: The New Joke Thread

Is it OK for vegans to bite their fingernails?
__________________

__________________
"You CANNOT be serious!"


John McEnroe
44'cruisingcat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-02-2019, 17:57   #4517
Moderator
 
Jim Cate's Avatar

Join Date: May 2008
Location: cruising SW Pacific
Boat: Jon Sayer 1-off 46 ft fract rig sloop strip plank in W Red Cedar
Posts: 16,495
Re: The New Joke Thread

I wonder if Boat Poker will add those "engineering" photos to his gallery? Especially the wiring ones...

Jim
__________________

__________________
Jim and Ann s/v Insatiable II lying Port Cygnet again, freezing our bums off.
Jim Cate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-02-2019, 01:10   #4518
Registered User
 
twohapence's Avatar

Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sussex, UK
Boat: Fountaine Pajot - Lucia 40
Posts: 128
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by 44'cruisingcat View Post
Is it OK for vegans to bite their fingernails?

More to the point - "Spit or swallow?"
__________________
“He was going to live forever, or die in the attempt.”
Joseph Heller, Catch-22
twohapence is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-02-2019, 05:18   #4519
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines
Boat: It’s in French Polynesia now
Posts: 11,206
Images: 122
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by chris mac View Post
This one came up a while back, seems fittingAttachment 185850
So, imagine the Indians as Aztec's and the boat people as conquistador's. Or the Indian's the Maliseet and the boat people the French.

Same effect!

.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	mayflower-dt-600.jpg
Views:	214
Size:	257.2 KB
ID:	186024  
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the mist of a storm!
delmarrey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-02-2019, 05:27   #4520
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines
Boat: It’s in French Polynesia now
Posts: 11,206
Images: 122
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
a few more examples
Someone spent a lot of time in the Philippines!
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the mist of a storm!
delmarrey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-02-2019, 06:24   #4521
Registered User
 
Dave_S's Avatar

Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Brisbane Australia
Boat: Schionning Waterline 1480
Posts: 1,313
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
Three statisticians go deer hunting. After some time passes, they come upon a buck.

The first shoots at it and misses by 30 yards to the right.

The second takes a shot and misses by 30 yards to the left.

The third jumps up and yells, “We got him! We got him!“
__________________
Regards
Dave
Dave_S is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-02-2019, 10:42   #4522
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,493
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

A clever enough joke despite being political...


A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me."

The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am, replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-02-2019, 10:45   #4523
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 2,493
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

Now back to our usual scheduled programming (nonsense)!


Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, then they would be bagels.
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-02-2019, 14:09   #4524
Registered User
 
CatNewBee's Avatar

Join Date: Aug 2017
Boat: Lagoon 400S2
Posts: 2,941
Images: 3
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
A clever enough joke despite being political...


A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me."

The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am, replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
... so true ...
__________________
Lagoon 400S2 refit for cruising: LiFeYPO4, solar and electric galley...
CatNewBee is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 19-02-2019, 19:47   #4525
Registered User
 
Eigenvector's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 395
Re: The New Joke Thread

Secrets to Inner Peace.

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...




Then You Are ProbablyThe Family Dog!





And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ...

Handle every Stressful situation like a dog.......

If you can't eat it or play with it,
Pee on it and walk away
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	dog.jpg
Views:	225
Size:	90.9 KB
ID:	186268  
__________________
==========================
Don't Tell My Mom I Work In the Oilfield,
She Thinks
I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse.
Eigenvector is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-02-2019, 20:03   #4526
Registered User
 
Eigenvector's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 395
Re: The New Joke Thread

Bummer............
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	cmljcaopepeoiifa.jpg
Views:	204
Size:	23.7 KB
ID:	186269   Click image for larger version

Name:	edkgojhmfkecfghm.jpg
Views:	231
Size:	28.6 KB
ID:	186270  

__________________
==========================
Don't Tell My Mom I Work In the Oilfield,
She Thinks
I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse.
Eigenvector is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-02-2019, 19:29   #4527
Registered User
 
Eigenvector's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 395
Re: The New Joke Thread

Woman tries putting gas in a Tesla

__________________
==========================
Don't Tell My Mom I Work In the Oilfield,
She Thinks
I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse.
Eigenvector is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-02-2019, 23:36   #4528
Moderator
 
JPA Cate's Avatar

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: aboard, cruising in Australia
Boat: Sayer 46' Solent rig sloop
Posts: 18,957
Re: The New Joke Thread

Okay, I'll display my ignorance here: I've heard of vectors. But what on earth is an Eigenvector? (Oh, and just like the radical feminist peeing contest, that one was "no hands", well no maths allowed.)

Ann
__________________
Who scorns the calm has forgotten the storm.
JPA Cate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-02-2019, 23:54   #4529
Moderator
 
Adelie's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: La Ciudad de la Misión Didacus de Alcalá en Alta California, Virreinato de Nueva España
Boat: Cal 20
Posts: 10,776
Re: The New Joke Thread

In linear algebra, an eigenvector or characteristic vector of a linear transformation is a non-zero vector that changes by only a scalar factor when that linear transformation is applied to it. . . .

It’s a function in matrix algebra.
__________________
Num Me Vexo?
A house is but a boat so poorly built and so firmly run aground no one would think to try and refloat it.
Adelie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-02-2019, 00:23   #4530
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Lake Macquarie NSW Australia
Boat: 2007 Lagoon 440
Posts: 532
Re: The New Joke Thread

Yeah, what Adelie said


Greg H
__________________

ozsailer is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

« SSSSM - Part Deux | - »
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:11.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.