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Old 05-08-2019, 19:19   #6031
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Re: The New Joke Thread

LOL. At least she didn't kill her old man with it.....????

No way would I allow an armed woman anywhere near me. *Especially* if I was married to her!!!

Imagine if you forgot to say please one night...could be the death of you!

[Tongue very firmly in cheek]
PS: We need an emoji for that /\ /\
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Old 05-08-2019, 19:27   #6032
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
Ok Dad....
1 The Pizza Crusted Edge is made Round so that all the juices stay inside and don't congregate in square corners

2 The Box is made square for optimum storage, efficient transport for Delivery and the square lid easily interlocks giving you just enough finger space to wiggle out that first wedge.

3 Cutting in Triangles with a roller knife is the easiest way to dissect 8 or 10 pieces of similar size.....when Gorging....starting with the pointed part of the wedge and stuffing into your mouth so that you can delicately clean off your lips with the drier crust is breakfast heaven after an all night party.

Unfortunately, I still don't understand women, but I do appreciate their differences

Square pizza, cut in squares, from Little Caesar's.

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Old 05-08-2019, 21:44   #6033
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Re: The New Joke Thread

It's complicated...

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Old 06-08-2019, 02:03   #6034
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The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzzman View Post
PS: We need an emoji for that /\ /\

And for irony. I’m crippled without it.
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Old 06-08-2019, 12:05   #6035
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A few good ones
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Old 06-08-2019, 12:06   #6036
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My 2 favorites in this round
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Old 06-08-2019, 12:07   #6037
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I bet you read this at least 5 times!
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Old 06-08-2019, 12:48   #6038
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Square pizza, cut in squares, from Little Caesar's.

Looks pretty artificial to.me

https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl...ce=sh%2Fx%2Fim
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Old 06-08-2019, 17:59   #6039
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Looks pretty artificial to.me
It looked HIDEOUS to me.
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Old 06-08-2019, 18:16   #6040
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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It looked HIDEOUS to me.


You no likey thick greasy bread?
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Old 06-08-2019, 19:05   #6041
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
I bet you read this at least 5 times!
Nope, only 3 times so both statements were true.
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Old 06-08-2019, 21:03   #6042
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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You no likey thick greasy bread?
Well... when you put it THAT way...
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Old 06-08-2019, 22:14   #6043
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Heard about the new James Bond film? How this time around 007 will be portrayed by a black woman? Times are changing, so I thought to recall a few items before they're discarded in the dustbin of history.

<edit: about to become herstory, I guess>


Lines cut from various 007 films:


Miss Moneypenny... "Mi6? No, you're a lot older than that, Mr. Bond."

M... "Yes, Bond, you will get a Licence to Kill, but, until then, here is your learner's permit."
007... "Wait, so I can't kill without a licenced adult in attendance?"

Dr. No... "No, Mr. Bond. Perhaps you were discovered because you had your LEARNERS CARD IN THE WINDOW!"

Goldfinger... "Martini shaken not stirred? That just dilutes the booze with icy water making for a weaker drink, you namby-pamby!"

Kara Milovy... "Sorry James, I like you but not in that way. Friends?"

007... "One martini, shaken not stirred… and four Jaegar bombs."

Q... "And finally, 007, here is a a wristwatch with a built in laser. Be careful where you point that, will you? Sorry but that's the lot - this is the eight items or less queue. Get it? Q... queue? No? God, you're no fun anymore."

<alternet line, also cut> Q... "Im the 8 items or less Q!"



And already cut from the new screenplay:

EU Immigration checkpoint: "Sorry Mr Bond but due to Brexit we can't let you enter unless you tell us what your plans are on an official form."

"My name is now Pussy Nomore. I had sex reassignment surgery."
<Apparently this entire scene was deleted for reasons unknown. Perhaps it was too long. The film, the film was too long! Get your mind out of the gutter.>

M... "Sorry James. It looks like I'm going to have to remove your license to kill. In your separation packet you'll find application forms for a license to kvetch and also a license to gaslight."

Bond, James Bond... (closing scene at a pub, fadeaway) "A pint of lager and a bag of cheese and onion crisps, please."


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Old 06-08-2019, 22:30   #6044
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Re: The New Joke Thread

If you live on a boat, you can use cookie sheets for pizza pans. Two less things to carry around. So, we've had rectangular pizzas, and no one has ever refused a bite. If it tastes great, the shape is merely non-traditional. But I did "grow up" on pie shaped pizza and slices.

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Old 06-08-2019, 22:53   #6045
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Re: The New Joke Thread

In fairness, it wasn’t the SHAPE that was concerning me.
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