The New Joke Thread

[delmarrey]

Who reads what paper...........


1.The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2.The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3.The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4.USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times.

5.The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8.The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9.The Chicago Tribune is read by people that are in prison that used to run the state, & would like to do so again, as would their constituents that are currently free on bail.

10.The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

11.The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheists, and those who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.

12.The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

13.The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in. ~~~~~~~~~~ ><))))º>

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by bill352

The "government"? That's what they want you to think. ............... A minor footnote - as an aid to further obfuscation, the original flying drone unit was designated B1-RD.

Ohhhhhh..... They're gonna come for you now. Unauthorized release of unsubstantiated obfuscation with deliberate forthought and malicious malapropism.

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by GILow

I would have thought that the fact you are on a boat is at least some cause for concern about your mental health.

<oh shut up>

[HopCar]

Actual B1-RD aircraft. Made by Robertson Aircraft.

[LakeSuperior]

Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much...

It scared the **** out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading again.

[LakeSuperior]

Went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov’s dog and Schrodinger’s cat.

The librarian said it rang a bell but she didn’t know if the book was there or not.

[GordMay]

[Therapy]

..........

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by HopCar

Actual B1-RD aircraft. Made by Robertson Aircraft.

I used to want one of those back in the 80’s as they were very much a STOL aircraft.
But never did get an Ultralight, largely because I had no place to keep it.
Bought a Yamaha FJ1100 instead.
I wonder why the ultralight “thing” just went away?

Reenlistment bonus money, God that was a long time ago.

[boatman61]

MY TRAVEL PLANS FOR 2019/20

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you
can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone. I've also never been
in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have
made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too
much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit
there too often. I've been in Flexible, But only when it was very important
to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable and I go there more often as I'm
getting older. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really
gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all
the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.
They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

Courtesy of my best friend..

[svmariane]

The Telemarketer

phone rings.
young girl answers in soft whisper <hello>
Telemarketer speaks in normal conversational voice: Hello?
<hello>

Hello! Anybody there?
<hello>

Hi! Are you an adult?
<no>

Can I speak to your mommy please?
<no... she's busy>

Alright, how about your daddy? May I speak with him?
<no... he's busy>

Are there any other adults there?
<yes>

Who's there? Your grandma or grandpa?
<no... the police>

Oh... Alright, may I speak with one of the police officers?
<no... they're busy>

Why is everybody so busy?
<they're looking for me>

[El Pinguino]

Originally Posted by boatman61

MY TRAVEL PLANS FOR 2019/20

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you
can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone. I've also never been
in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have
made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too
much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit
there too often. I've been in Flexible, But only when it was very important
to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable and I go there more often as I'm
getting older. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really
gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all
the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.
They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

Courtesy of my best friend..

People thought I was in Seine when I bought another boat but I was really in de Nile.... I bought it just felluca....

[HopCar]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

I wonder why the ultralight “thing” just went away.

It hasn’t entirely. There are still several of Ultralight manufacturers. Powered parachutes are the new thing for simple flying.

I still want a ride in a crop duster!

[IslandHopper]

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by HopCar

It hasn’t entirely. There are still several of Ultralight manufacturers. Powered parachutes are the new thing for simple flying.



I still want a ride in a crop duster!

I’m not doing that anymore, but I could have gotten you a ride in one of these, sans weapons load of course
https://youtu.be/5GL7Sg5YkCI

I’ve been looking into the PPC thing, but I want a backpack motor, not a trike.
One of my trips to Sun-N-Fun I stopped at a small airport near Lakeland waiting for it to open, and they sold the trikes there.
They wanted more for one of those things than I paid for the Certified airplane I flew in there on.