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Old 14-08-2019, 16:53   #6151
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I have been here for a lot of years. I have been reprimanded once or twice. OK fine.

But in all that time I have only put two on "ignore".
Now it is three.
I have had enough.
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Old 14-08-2019, 16:55   #6152
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The following is all true, a little bit of history.

There once was a bar established in 1953 that catered mostly to Submarine sailors in Vallejo called "The Horse & Cow 33-1/2." It was a total dive bar that served good food, ice cold Miller beer and was decorated with memorabilia from past and current subs. Some of the stuff from USS Plunger was donated by yours truly.

They opened a San Diego location sometime in the late 80s and eventually closed the Vallejo location due to a lack of sub sailors at that base.

One day 3 yuppie couples got lost apparently and wandered into this watering hole full of obnoxious, drunk denizens of the deep and they ordered 6 Coronas.

Mike, the bartender, set them up with 6 Millers. The head yuppie leaned over and said, "Hey dude, we ordered Coronas, can we get those please?"

Mike said, "My bad, 6 Coronas coming up." He took the 6 Millers off the bar and set them on his counter. Then he put them back on the bar with a wedge of lime in the neck of each one.

The head yuppie looked at him and Mike said, "Sorry, that's as close as we get. I only serve Miller products here. If you want these, great, if not, no charge." IIRC, they went ahead and drank them because by that time, they realized it really was a dive bar.

One night we were in the San Diego location and it was the only H&C in business at the time. We had just come back from deployment and we were all drinking too much, too fast. Big Al, who is a great friend to have unless there are sensitive people around, had decided that he'd been out to sea for too long and was going to dance and romance a rather large girl at the bar. They went out on the dance floor for a few songs then came back to the bar. Maybe he had sobered up a little bit, or he saw a better opportunity, but as she was chugging her beer, he leaned forward and said, "You really don't sweat that much for a fat chick!"

She blew a fuse and started chasing him around the bar for a couple of laps trying to brain him with her empty beer bottle before she finally gave up, sweating quite a bit more than before.

One night a few of us were in there and there was an older guy at the bar. He had a very flashy gold watch and gold rings on all 8 fingers. He'd lean over and say something to Mike, the bartender and Mike would yell, "Free drinks courtesy of this gentleman!" He did that about once every 15 or 20 minutes! After a few rounds, I got to talking to him and asked him why. He claimed to be a retired sub sailor who had done very well for himself (I don't remember how) and he really enjoyed sharing his good fortune with others. I don't know how much he spent, but he was still buying when I finally left!

Big Al liked to play darts. He'd spread his hand on the dart board and tell his opponent to go ahead and throw. Once one of the darts hit the back of his hand, then it was his turn. A couple of guys would play that with him, but not many and I never did!

There was also an incident where a gorgeous woman wandered in close to closing time while Big Al was dominating the pool table. She claimed next game and apparently was instantly smitten by him and although sub sailors are allegedly impossible to embarrass, we all left to give them some privacy. The story I heard later was that Mike had to charge him for the cost of recovering the pool table.

As times changed, the San Diego location closed down and he opened one in Guam and one in Bremerton. They've cleaned it up considerably and now they serve more food items even though many of them are named after sub items or people. Things like TDU Sampler (Trash Disposal Unit), Hot Rack Poppers, Rickover Roll, Midrats, etc.


I know these weren't jokes, but I hope you all didn't mind a little trip down memory lane. It sure brought a smile to my face reminiscing!
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Old 14-08-2019, 16:59   #6153
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 14-08-2019, 17:00   #6154
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Old 14-08-2019, 17:01   #6155
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Yes, it's true...

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Old 14-08-2019, 17:02   #6156
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Yes, I truly am...

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Old 14-08-2019, 17:48   #6157
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Two sailors are on deck looking out to sea. In the distance, a huge hand rises from the water.

It keeps rising as the wrist and forearm become visible, the fingers stretching into the air. It wobbles back and forward then falls, crashing into the sea.

One sailor turns to the other and asks, 'Did you see the size of that wave?

In the distance, a huge hand rises from the water.

It keeps rising as the wrist and forearm become visible, the fingers stretching into the air. It wobbles back and forward then falls, crashing into the sea.

One sailor turns to the other and asks, 'Did you see the size of that wave?
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Old 14-08-2019, 18:19   #6158
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Yes repetition can be funny

https://youtu.be/TSYV-nEE300
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Old 14-08-2019, 18:27   #6159
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Old 14-08-2019, 18:28   #6160
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Old 14-08-2019, 18:29   #6161
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Old 14-08-2019, 18:31   #6162
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Old 14-08-2019, 18:32   #6163
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Old 14-08-2019, 18:34   #6164
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Murphy had long heard the stories if an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father and his grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Murphys 18th birthday came round he and his mate Mick took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Murphy stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Mick just managed to pull him to safety.
Shocked and confused, Murphy went to see his grandma.
"grandma" he asked "it's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father and grandfather?"
His grandma looked deep into his eyes and said, "because your father and grandfather were both born in December when the lake is frozen. You were born in July, you idiot."
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Old 14-08-2019, 18:36   #6165
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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