The New Joke Thread

[El Pinguino]

Originally Posted by sailorphil9

Don't mention the Germans...they shave nothing...I married one (female, just to be clear).

Olympic used to be known - by frequent flyers- as 'Armpit Air'.... something to do with the view when the flight attendants were helping to put stuff in the overhead lockers....

[Pelagic]

That reminds me of the 2nd joke I ever heard as a young Scottish schoolboy

How do you poison your wife with a razor blade?

......give her arsenic..!

[GordMay]

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question, can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, “Who just threw that?”
The boy says, “Me! I’m going home now.”
Before he could move, the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said,“At the end of this ruler is an idiot”.
The boy got suspended, for asking “which end”?”.

[Eigenvector]

one plus one

[MicHughV]

When I was a youngster, we had an elderly school ma'am that was extremely well endowed. I'm talking hanging down to her belly button. One day, walking down a row of seated pupils, she leaned over to admonish one of the pupils...when one of her copious mammaries escaped it's confines, flopped out and hit the unsuspecting pupil on the head.
Seeing this, we thought this was a planned attack and giggled, ooh'ed and aah'ed and squirmed in our seats at the sight. The school ma'am was nonplussed as she fed the quivering mass of jello back into her brassiere.
We thought it was funny as hell, but we all behave after that !!

[BlueH2Obound]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

for a brief moment in time, while I was traipsing around in France...I dated a french girl, who, much to my surprise didn't shave her armpits...suffice it say, the relationship was short lived..

While single, living in Germany many years ago, I had a German friend who also didn't shave her armpits. That wouldn't really have bothered me, but the hair was so long that she actually braided it . . . She was just a friend, not my girl friend, but it was still weird . . .

[Gerrit Coetzee]

Originally Posted by sailorphil9

Don't forget the Germans!


Halb funf (literally 'half five') means half past four

In South Africa, we also speak in my language Afrikaans "half vyf", which is then equivalent of the German version.

[MicHughV]

ah, boerewors and biltong....

[ArmyDaveNY]

This was outside one of the many pubs I support. I'm doing my part to help those in need during these desperate times!!

[ArmyDaveNY]

This is in the pub Pete's Tavern, which claims to be the oldest continuously open bar in NYC. During prohibition it was a "flower shop" and although they did sell flowers, if you ordered the right stuff, you were let into the back where you could get the good stuff. The bar, floor, ceiling and many other parts of it are original. One of the booths is where the author O'Henry used to sit and write.

If you add the numbers you will notice that the total listed is off a bit, perhaps due to the creator adding while sitting at the bar? I think that there has been a wee bit of inflation since this was created. The reason for the red tint is that I took this around Christmas time and the Christmas lights were red.

Edit: I am not sure why this and the previous entry are sideways. They open properly on the computer and if anyone has any suggestions I will edit this if the suggestion arrives before the editing option goes away.

[CaptTom]

Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY

If you add the numbers you will notice that the total listed is off a bit, perhaps due to the creator adding while sitting at the bar?

Actually, it's off exactly $1.40. Which you may note is the price of only one item on the budget...

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1601773432

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1601773493

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1601773550

[OutOfControl]

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.

The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'


-----

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'

-----

The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'

Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

-----

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

-----

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .....'