Cruisers Forum
 


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 6 votes, 4.83 average. Display Modes
Old 18-11-2020, 12:01   #13651
Registered User
 
Eigenvector's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 429
Re: The New Joke Thread

The teacher said his his classroom:


“Take a pencil and paper and write an essay with the title If I Were a Millionaire


Everyone, except for Little Johnny, began to write.


“What’s the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don’t you write?”
“I’m waiting for my secretary,” he replied.
__________________
==========================
Don't Tell My Mom I Work In the Oilfield,
She Thinks
I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse.
Eigenvector is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-11-2020, 12:08   #13652
Registered User
 
Eigenvector's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 429
Re: The New Joke Thread

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.



The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. “Hello Johnny, what are you up to?” he asked.



“My goldfish died and I’m gonna bury him,” Johnny replied.



“That’s a really big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” asked the neighbor.



“That’s because he’s inside your cat!”
__________________
==========================
Don't Tell My Mom I Work In the Oilfield,
She Thinks
I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse.
Eigenvector is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-11-2020, 16:59   #13653
Registered User

Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Narragansett Bay
Boat: Pearson 33-2
Posts: 25
Images: 2
Re: The New Joke Thread

A traveling salesman knocks on the door. Little Johnny answers the door in his boxers with a glass of scotch in one hand and a big stogie in the other. The salesman asks.. "Is your mother home?" WTF do you think says Johnny!
S-V SAGA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-11-2020, 08:39   #13654
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 39,128
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-11-2020, 10:08   #13655
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,171
Re: The New Joke Thread

Everyone is struggling right now...
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	cdd.JPG
Views:	154
Size:	26.2 KB
ID:	227240  
Singularity is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-11-2020, 11:38   #13656
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 39,128
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-11-2020, 13:25   #13657
Registered User

Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 3,822
Re: The New Joke Thread

2020 discussion be like:
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	tp.jpg
Views:	136
Size:	215.5 KB
ID:	227241  
Montanan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-11-2020, 03:30   #13658
Registered User
 
chrisr's Avatar

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Australia
Boat: Tasman 40' catamaran
Posts: 852
Re: The New Joke Thread

Greeting cards are getting expensive, so why not design your very own Hallmark Moment with some of these sayings:


"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!"

"Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!"

"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine."

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!"

cheers,
__________________
"home is where the anchor drops"...back onboard at Iluka, getting ready to head south for Christmas... maintaining social distancing !
chrisr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-11-2020, 16:52   #13659
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 39,128
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

The Evolution of Math Teaching
1960s: A peasant sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price. What is his profit?
1970s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price, that is, $8. What is his profit?
1970s (new math): A farmer exchanges a set P of potatoes with set M of money. The cardinality of the set M is equal to 10, and each element of M is worth $1. Draw ten big dots representing the elements of M. The set C of production costs is composed of two big dots less than the set M. Represent C as a subset of M and give the answer to the question: What is the cardinality of the set of profits?
1980s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His production costs are $8, and his profit is $2. Underline the word "potatoes" and discuss with your classmates.
1990s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His or her production costs are 0.80 of his or her revenue. On your calculator, graph revenue vs. costs. Run the POTATO program to determine the profit. Discuss the result with students in your group. Write a brief essay that analyzes this example in the real world of economics.

Now: 1 + 1 = 3, for sufficiently large one's.
__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-11-2020, 17:56   #13660
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 39,128
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

A famous mathematician was to give a keynote speech, at a conference.
Asked for an advance summary, he said he would present a proof of Fermat's Last Theorem* ... but they should keep it under their hats.
When he arrived, though, he spoke on a much more prosaic topic.
Afterwards, the conference organizers asked why he said he'd talk about the theorem and then didn't.
He replied this was his standard practice ...
just in case he was killed on the way to the conference.

* British professor, Andrew Wiles, got prestigious recognition for "for his stunning proof of Fermat's Last Theorem by way of the modularity conjecture for semistable elliptic curves, opening a new era in number theory.", winning the Abel Prize from the Norwegian Academy of Science and Letters. At the time Wiles solved Fermat’s Last Theorem, it was the most famous, long-running unsolved problem in mathematics, having been first conjectured by French mathematician Pierre de Fermat, in 1637.


Math and Alcohol don't mix, so... PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE
(Motto of the Mathematicians Against Drunk Deriving Society)
__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-11-2020, 18:04   #13661
Registered User

Join Date: Jan 2019
Boat: Beneteau 432, C&C Landfall 42, Roberts Offshore 38
Posts: 1,617
Re: The New Joke Thread

math....
if a ship can cross the Atlantic in 7 days.....7 ships can cross it in one day....right !!
1Sx7D=1C.....or 7SD=1C 7Sx1D=1C.....or 7SD=1C
it's math and figures never lie...
MicHughV is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-11-2020, 18:10   #13662
Registered User

Join Date: Jan 2019
Boat: Beneteau 432, C&C Landfall 42, Roberts Offshore 38
Posts: 1,617
Re: The New Joke Thread

I was in the grocery store today.....for the life of me, I don't get it, there is another run on toilet paper again...it's beyond my comprehension...toilet paper shelves were empty...
you'd think people would be stocking up with food and booze....but no....it's toilet paper....it's a sad commentary on the human race as we know it today....
MicHughV is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-11-2020, 18:15   #13663
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 39,128
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-11-2020, 18:19   #13664
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 39,128
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-11-2020, 18:23   #13665
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 39,128
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread





What is the difference between Engineers, Architects and Contractors?

An Architect is said to be a man who knows a great deal, about very little, and who goes along knowing more and more, about less and less, until finally, he knows practically everything about nothing.

An Engineer, on the other hand, is a man who knows a very little about, a great deal, and keeps knowing less and less, about more and more, until he knows practically nothing about everything.

A Contractor starts out knowing practically everything, about everything, but ends by knowing nothing about anything, due to his association with Architects and Engineers.
__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
boat

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Advertise Here


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:22.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.