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Old 05-03-2020, 12:18   #8746
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 05-03-2020, 12:19   #8747
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 05-03-2020, 12:21   #8748
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Old 05-03-2020, 12:25   #8749
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I'm sure some of the older members can relate...

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Old 05-03-2020, 12:46   #8750
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by GILow View Post
That should keep a while.
I wonder how long we can milk this meme? Some will find this to be udder nonsense, but if you don't look quickly, it will soon be pasteurize.
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Old 05-03-2020, 13:57   #8751
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY View Post
I wonder how long we can milk this meme? Some will find this to be udder nonsense, but if you don't look quickly, it will soon be pasteurize.


That was a bit cheesy.
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Old 05-03-2020, 17:36   #8752
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
This looks eerily familar. Déjà vu, sort of. Almost like a disembodied voice calmly saying that we've seen this video linked in a previous post right here on CF, and not all that long ago. But time is relative, or so goes a theory, and we are but humble servants of our own constructs.
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Old 05-03-2020, 18:16   #8753
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Re: The New Joke Thread

The Corona Virus is mutating. Recent reports from the CDC confirm that the COVID-19 virus, responsible for more than 3,000 deaths to date, is mutating into strange forms.

This is a first-hand report from Onion user Gabriel Cabrera.

Gabriel Cabrera (quote):

I should of listened earlier.
I was walking home from work today, about 30 minutes, and saw this women.
It was late at night and most women keep to themselves while walking, but she waved and smiled.
I waved and smiled back then she decided to walk next to me which really shocked me.
We started talking and turned out we liked alot of the same music and even seen a few of the same shows recently.
I was about ti turn off to my road and she asked If i wasn't busy and If i wanted to hang.
We went to my place, quietly as I am young and live at home still.
We went to my room and she wanted to show me a show she though I would like.
She put it on and after about 20 minutes she slowly started to get closer. My bed has a dip in the middle so she took full advantage as she slide towards me and said "oh wow, this bed sure makes it hard to stay in one place". I knew what she was doing and was a bit nervous as she was cute.
Well she eventually cuddles close and ask me "wanna try fooling around".
I paused for a second because how sudden she said it and direct.
I told her how I was a bit nervous but she didn't mind, and so she started getting a bit more agrresive.
Eventually she was on top and starting me down. She leaned in and told me "can I have tree fiddy".
I looked at her and said "what? Tree fiddy?".
Well it was at that time I realized it was no cute girl who wanted to fool around but a giant crustacean from the paleolithic era.
I told it "NOooo monster. I ain't giving you no got dang tree fiddy!!!"


And there you have it Direct, first hand unbiased reporting from The Onion's sources.
Film at eleven.
Back to you, Chet.
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Old 05-03-2020, 19:23   #8754
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Re: The New Joke Thread

You know why everyone is talking about the Coronavirus online?

It went viral...
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Old 05-03-2020, 19:25   #8755
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Re: The New Joke Thread

That would probably make more sense if it read:

"Do you know why everyone is talking about COVID-19 online?

Because it went viral...."
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Old 05-03-2020, 22:25   #8756
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 06-03-2020, 03:31   #8757
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 06-03-2020, 05:44   #8758
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Congratulations!
You have finally reached the end of the internet!

There's nothing more to see, no more links to visit.
You've done it all.
This is the very last page, on the very last serve,r at the very far end of the internet.
You should now turn off your computer, and go do something useful with the rest of your life.
You can't go any further from here.
YOU MUST NOW START BACK AT THE VERY BEGINNING!

So, how many websites are there on the world wide web? According to InternetLiveStats.com there are a Billion websites in the world, more or less, changing daily. After all, everyday someone, in fact, bunches of someones, create brand spanking new websites. And, every day, websites that have been idle for longer periods of time are dropped by their ISP networks and are removed from Google, Bing, Yahoo and other search engine listings.
And if there are more or less one billion world wide web sites, how many individual webpages are there? Well, WorldWideWebSize.com estimates about 4.7 billion individual web pages. These stats are pulled together from published and estimated search engine stats. There are also estimates as high as 1 Trillion web pages in the world, since many pages are created, not built out, and in fact, not indexed by the world's search engines.
Oops - push the "Refresh" Button - someone just added another page.
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Old 06-03-2020, 06:14   #8759
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by GordMay View Post
Congratulations!
You have finally reached the end of the internet!

If you go to "this end", it will download the internet for you


End of the Internet
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Old 06-03-2020, 23:03   #8760
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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That was a bit cheesy.
Uh oh. I thought it was Gouda, but it seems I was wrong!
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