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Old 21-03-2020, 04:02   #8896
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 21-03-2020, 05:37   #8897
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Re: The New Joke Thread

oreh ym si MutS
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Old 21-03-2020, 06:48   #8898
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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oreh ym si MutS
!ti evoL
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Old 21-03-2020, 08:26   #8899
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Do over.
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Old 21-03-2020, 10:19   #8900
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I just asked bald neighbor 'If I win lottery will you go pick it up for me?'
HE said he thinks he is washing his hair that day.
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Old 21-03-2020, 14:54   #8901
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Trending in Cyberspace: #WillRogersQuotes

* This would be a great time in the world
for some man to come along that knew something.

* When you get into trouble 5,000 miles from home,
you’ve got to have been looking for it.

* Personally, I have always felt the best doctor in the world is the veterinarian.
He can't ask his patients what is the matter — he's got to just know.

* Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate;
now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?




Just thought I'd throw it out there....
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Old 21-03-2020, 15:40   #8902
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Re: The New Joke Thread

so if pro is opposite of con.
What is opposite of Congress?
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Old 21-03-2020, 16:10   #8903
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by smbdyiam2 View Post
so if pro is opposite of con.
What is opposite of Congress?
Well, not sure, but since maths equations by definition need balance then I propose that:

Negative Social Distancing + Sexual Congress = Procreation

Wall Street analysts (who are, of course, never wrong) recommend investing heavily in stocks of companys that mfr baby diapers before a now-predicted baby boom hits in approx nine months.

Good news: There will be many more workers (possibly child labor) to fill the gaps in employment created by the death of so many in the labor force.

Bad news: There might be many jobs that evaporate due to the financial storm related to CV-19 leaving the new workers unemployed/unemployable.

Still, somebody has to pick the fruit and vegetables, harvest/bag grains and rice, tend to/slaughter/dress livestock, and distribute food. So... Yay?



Some historians claim that Rome maintained social control of the common masses with a combination of "bread and circuses". When the bread started running low, well.... thus empires fall?
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Old 21-03-2020, 16:26   #8904
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by smbdyiam2 View Post
so if pro is opposite of con.
What is opposite of Congress?
'Progress'
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Old 21-03-2020, 16:31   #8905
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I don't know where I was going with that. Dark humour?
Somebody jump in with some lighter fare.
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Old 21-03-2020, 16:42   #8906
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Re: The New Joke Thread

It was a quiet morning in November 2079 when Bruce woke up with a need to go to the dunny.

For Bruce this wasn't an ordinary day... this was the day when he would use the last of the bog paper his grandparents had bought in 2020.....
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Old 21-03-2020, 16:46   #8907
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Re: The New Joke Thread

With apologies to the Eurythmics...
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Old 21-03-2020, 16:51   #8908
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Re: The New Joke Thread

five +
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Old 21-03-2020, 16:59   #8909
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I have always believed that writing advertisements is the second most profitable form of writing.

The first, of course, is ransom notes.
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Old 21-03-2020, 17:24   #8910
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Shouldn't we wait until after the pandemic to fill out the census?
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